No Regrets? No Wishes!

I'm not going to say that there aren't things I don't regret in life, because there ARE. However, I don't think it does well to wish that some things never happened, because those are the things that make us who we are, and everything we go through in life teaches us to be better than the person we were the day before.

It's kind of like MySpace. I highly regret ever using MySpace after it ended badly between us, and sometimes I'm ashamed to say I was a user of their social media site back in the day... I was a highly active user until one fateful night, all it took was me being half asleep and one mis-click of my finger on the mouse button to completely delete my whole profile. All of my friends were deleted. All of the photos of my baby girl were gone. All of the messages, posts, and blogs? My entire documented life that I had spent so much time on sharing was forever gone.

But I can't sit here and say "Man, I wish I had never used MySpace" because if that were the case, I'd have never gotten to message Brett McKenzie (someone I'm a fangirl of) and actually get a reply back. I'd never have been able to be friends with my friend Kelly Lilly, who was someone from high school that I was an acquittance of, but not really close to until we became friends on MySpace after graduation, and see what his new baby boy looked like before he passed away shortly after from cystic fibrosis. I'd never have been able to make amends with my first ex-boyfriend and move on with that chapter in my life.

So do I regret it? Yeah, but I'm glad I had my time there. As we get older, we learn to watch our steps and make smarter decisions. Why? Because of the things we regret. We're more cautious and guarded, which I think is a good thing because we've made it this far since we learned not to be so careless. And that's why they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

I guess what I'm trying to say here is that it's okay to have regrets, but don't be one of those people that dwells on them and says "I wish I had never met you" or "I wish I would have turned left instead of right", because the damage has already been done. Wishing gets you nowhere. All you can do from here is accept that it's happened, look for something good in the situation to be thankful for, and use it as a life lesson. And above all else, keep setting new goals, and staying positive.

Only you can choose to make yourself happy.
Only you can free yourself.
L.I.V.E. L.I.F.E.
♥

What's the Day Without a Little Night?

So this morning I was looking around on YouTube and I came across this video. I was like - what? Logic with glasses? I had never seen him like that before, not having really been a fan, but I had seen him in Suicide Squad's Sucker For Pain video, so I knew who he was. I decided to watch...

I didn't know what to expect at first. I was like - what the heck? WHY are we glorifying a song about wanting to die??? Anybody? Bueller? Bueller? I thought maybe Logic was just another rapper talking about the hard life and the bad things. Figures, I thought. Look at the people in the crowd. Look at how they're just going along with this. We truly have become a nation of clowns, if they're so willing to accept this as normal.

But as the song progressed, I realized what the message was, and it touched a nerve. I sat there in tears! It wasn't what I thought it was, and in that moment, I felt so much deep respect for Logic. He gained another fan today ♥

Then I went to check out the official video, and you can find it here.

 

The lyrics that really stand out to me the most are the ones that say "What's the day without a little night?" because it's true. EVERYTHING in life is hard. There is ALWAYS going to be a struggle. Life is a roller coaster. It has it's ups and downs. But you can only go so far up before you have to come down. You can only have so much happiness before you eventually have to face a few bad situations.

But you know what? It's the same the other way, as well. You can only go so far down before things HAVE to get better. It may seem like it takes forever, but sometimes a rock has to be pounded by weather to become a gem. Yin and Yang exists for a reason. Good will always be tainted with a little bad, just as in bad there is always some good.

This is why I say only YOU can make yourself happy. Only you can create your own happiness. The world is seen how you perceive it. You can find the good in life, you just have to look for it. Don't rely on others to make you happy, because they're dealing with their own problems. Good things don't just happen to people. You get back what you put out there. You have to do your part to help MAKE them happen.

I was made fun of once for putting too many inspirational quotes on my Twitter by people who used to be my friends, trying to bring me down and make me feel like crap about myself. During an argument, they told me I was one of those people who create their own thunderstorms and then get upset when it rains (trying to use the quotes against me). But you know what? I'm not that person. I don't get upset when it rains, because I know that rain makes the flowers grow. If something bad happens to you, don't let it defeat you. Use it to your advantage. It's a lesson to learn from. Life is called a journey for a reason. We take what surrounds us and we use it to get ahead. Use it to make yourself into a better, stronger, wiser person.

I'll reiterate the song here. We are all born equally, but we are not treated equally. And that is why we must fight for the equality for every man, woman, and child, regardless of race, religion, color, creed, and sexual orientation, but that fight starts with YOURSELF. Rise above it. Fight to become a better person than you were yesterday.

You are not alone. Help comes to those who need it. All you have to do is ask. 1800-273-8255

Only you can make yourself happy.
Only you can free yourself.

L.I.V.E. L.I.F.E.

♥

I Got a New Job!

It has been 10 YEARS since I worked at the hotel. TEN! A good loooooong ten years... and I STILL work there! LOL But I've only got a few more weeks there. I can't believe I've had this job for a whole decade of my life. All Tricity has known was me working at the hotel. But now I've finally moved on and got myself another job. I'll now be working from home as a remote services technician, which means when people have trouble with their service for the company I'm working for, I'll be offering support over the phone.

Today was the first day of training, and it was great. I LOVE working from home! I can tell you - it was much less stressful knowing I could relax and not have to worry about my surroundings, or someone beating me up and robbing me (if you know about that part of my past). I was able to grab a snack when I wanted, and I'm even allowed to listen to a bit of music. Of course we're just training right now, but so far it's the job I needed this whole time :-)

Upcoming Projects?

Closing a chapter in my life and starting up this new one has got me thinking about things I really want to do and focus on. Here are some things I have been thinking about:

I want to totally reinvent my YouTube channel. I want to redo the intro and include the new motto "L.I.V.E. L.I.F.E." and I want to do daily vlogs again (or at least attempt it). I want to have a carefree attitude about myself and just do what makes me happy with the videos.

Also with the channel, I'd like to do some giveaways in 2018. I got a few custom things that I'd like to do themed giveaways for, but I just have to plan it all out ahead of time.

I want to get more into voice acting. It was always one of my dreams to do voices for cartoons, and now that I'm going to be focusing on a computer job more, I really want to tap into that field and see how far I can go with it.

I want to get my store going. Some of the custom merch I got, I'd like to put in our starter store, and maybe one day work up to something better?

I'd like for us to take a vacation. I think the only thing we could ever consider a vacation that we have gone on was our camping trip back in 2014. Now that I'm getting this new job, I'd like to save up money to take a small trip first (I'm thinking Meramec Caverns?) and then save up for a BIG trip (like a Disney World / Universal Studios combo?). That would be pretty amazing to me. I've NEVER been to Disney World! OR Universal Studios for that matter.

I'd also like to possibly save up for a home? I know there's some things that will need to be taken care of first, such as dental work, medical issues, etc. but I'd really like for us to start saving up for a home of our own. I'm tired of always feeling like the freedom to do what we want to our home is limited because we rent. I want to OWN a home where I can get wild and crazy with colors if I want to. I want to be able to have a huge pool and a garden, even if everything fails and dies in it. I want a place to call our own.

Anyway, this is just some of the ideas I have been thinking of, and I wanted a place to put this list to remind myself about them, and to possibly feel some motivation for myself when I read over them again.

When Love Goes Out the Window - Shut the Window!

This morning during one of my last couple of days here working at the hotel, I was putting out breakfast when a man came in wanting to get a cup of milk. He said he had an energy drink and couldn't sleep. Then he asked for something that I couldn't understand because of his accent, and he said "How do you say this?". Then he walked over to the yogurt and pointed. "Oh, yogurt!" I said, and he said "Do you not understand Mexican English?" and I laughed. I told him how I used to have a Mexican boyfriend when I was a teenager, but it's been a while.

He asked me why I didn't stay with him and I told him it was because we were teenagers, him living in California, and me living in Missouri, so it was a long distance relationship and things just didn't work out. Then he said I should find him and stick with him. I told him how I'm married now and have a family. He said "A white guy?" I said yes.

Then he asked how he treated me. I replied back with a slanted smile and said "Ehhh..." Then he proceeded to tell me that Mexican guys treat their women like a princess, they work hard to support them, and take care of their families. I told him how my husband works hard, but when money gets tight, we seem to argue a lot. He said that's true. When money gets tight, love seems to go out the window.

Then he said "And then do you know what you do?" I asked what, and he said "You shut the window." At that point, I didn't know if he meant you let love out and then you shut the window, as if you put a stop to the relationship so nether of you keep pretending that it's working out when it's really not, so that you don't both end up a miserable mess. But then he said you put on a smile, cook him a nice dinner, and pamper him, because men are like babies. I laughed pretty hard at that.

I realized at this point that it wasn't an either/or decision. I didn't have to keep being miserable if I wasn't in a happy loving relationship. But I didn't have to put a stop to it and quit the relationship either. There's always a way around things. If we're not happy, we can choose to BE happy. You just have to want it and make it happen. The world is what you make of it. If you perceive it to be a bad world, then that's how it's going to be to you. It's called the law of attraction.  You get what you put out.

If I want to make this marriage a happy one, I'm going to have to push aside the bad attitude and just make him happy. And I have to BE happy. If I'm in a bad mood because of his bad mood, then both of us are going to be in bad moods together and it'll only make it worse. But if he gives me attitude and I give him  kindness and understanding in return? Maybe, just maybe he'll calm down and things will be better.

I believe everything happens for a reason, and I believe I met this man today, on my last weekend here, to teach me this lesson. What do you guys think? I've heard of women saying if you want your hubby to do something, you gotta put a little honey on the biscuits. Has it worked for you, or have you been burned by that advice? Either way, it fits in with what I've been saying. Only you can free yourself. Only you can make yourself happy. L.I.V.E. L.I.F.E ♥

Fear is a Horrible Self-Illusion

Fear is a horrible self-illusion. I say this because I know that it is not something that comes from an outside source that makes you afraid of something. Only you can determine if you choose to be afraid of something or not. For example, when a kid is afraid to go to sleep at night because they think some kind of monster is in their closet. You know there's nothing in there, but they still choose to hold onto that fear, no matter how much you try to reassure them.

As much as I'm trying to move past negative things like that and be in control of my own life, I too have some remaining fears. In my case, I want to be a vegan, but I'm afraid of getting sick again. The first time I tried to be a vegetarian, I was hit by a car. I took it easy after that so that I could recover in the way my body was used to, and I ate meat again. After my recovery, I tried to be a vegan, but I ended up getting shingles because my body's immune system suddenly dropped. I was fearful of death (because it had been known to happen in serious cases of the illness) and I convinced myself that I was destined to be a meat eater because my body wouldn't accept it any other way.

Flash forward over 10 years. Over this past decade, I learned more about nutrition and what it takes to be healthy, and now I know that there are plenty of ways to get protein while being a vegan, and that I could easily go for it again. However, I still have that fear pulling me back. I keep thinking - what if I get sick again? What if I break out in shingles again? This would be the 3rd time I've gotten it in my lifetime.

I KNOW I can do it, but I keep letting my own fear from experience keep me from following through with it. And I know I'm doing this to myself, and I want to stop. I try to live by the saying "you never know unless you try". I just need to release that fear. And I hope you start releasing your fears, too. Remember that the only person standing in your way is YOU. Only you can make yourself happy. No one is in control of you but yourself, and you are the one who decides what holds you back. Only you can free yourself.

L.I.V.E. L.I.F.E. ♥

L.I.V.E. L.I.F.E. Free Yourself

I've decided earlier this year to come up with a motto. I thought long and hard about something catchy that would be meaningful, as well as fit into my online persona. This is what I chose:

Life
Is
Very
Entertaining

Live
In
First
Experiences

I chose this because I feel like not enough people take a moment to really experience life and live it. And I also chose it because it's like YouTube. It's entertaining, and on my channel, I share my life through a first-person kind of experience.

I've also thought about using "Free Yourself" because I feel like not enough people let themselves be free, and they choose to limit themselves by fear, worries, anxieties, pressures, self-doubt... But only YOU can make yourself happy. Only you can let all of this go and break the bonds that hold you, and only you can free yourself.

These are the things I want to promote through my interactions with people online. I once told my daughter Tricity that "you can get glad in the same pants you got mad in". She didn't understand what I was saying until I explained it to her. I told her that I know she's not happy with me telling her to do something or with me telling her no, but she could make the best out of a bad situation and look for the good in it. If she didn't like being unhappy, she could choose to change her mood if she really wanted to. That's why they say when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. You don't HAVE to deal with the negativity. Your perception of things can either be your own prison or your own freedom. It's YOUR choice.

So with that being said, I hope you all are finding the positivity in your own lives as well. I know not every day is perfect. It wouldn't be life without a struggle to live, but the goal is to be happy in the end, is it not? So keep reaching for those goals, and keep making those milestones, and LIVE LIFE! ♥

The Vampire Gene (Dream)

I was really cold (and I've been sick lately) after I got Tricity onto the bus this morning, so I decided to lay back down, and I had a dream.

In this dream, we were cleaning out Adam's Grandpa's old stuff from a barn (which doesn't really exist in real life, and his Grandpa passed many years ago so we wouldn't actually have any access to his stuff any more). We were almost done, and Adam went to carry off some boxes that we had gone through. I could see something still laying at the top that wasn't in a box, so I took a broom to knock it down.

When it fell, I saw that it was some kind of old-looking book, but for some reason it had some kind of technology on it. I started reading the book and it said that the vampire gene was passed down through a person's DNA, and depending on how the child is raised, that is what determines how strong (or weak?) of a vampire the person will become. To determine if a person carried the vampire gene, they would need to hold their arm against the device attached to the book, and they would see if they were positive or negative.

I didn't really think about how this book might have been passed down through the generations in Adam's family. Instead, I thought maybe his grandpa just had it as something he picked up over the years, among all of the other stuff. For the LOL's, I decided to put my arm on it. It said I was negative for carrying the vampire gene. Then I called Trcity over to me and I scanned her with it. Hers came up positive. The book had said that it passed down from the parents, so if I tested negative, then that means Adam must have been the carrier.

But how could Adam be the carrier of the vampire gene? He never drank blood or stayed up all night until sunrise. He DOES have light sensitivity, and he's so pale that his skin is pink colored, and he burns easy in the sun. I didn't think those were vampire qualities, though. I started thinking that maybe this book was faulty. Maybe it was just misreading Tricity because she was a kid?

So when Adam came back, I had him put his arm against it, but instead of saying positive or negative, it was blank. What did blank mean? I read on. It said if the scanner was blank, that meant the person tested positive, but did not have the gene activated, as they were raised to be normal, and their bodies were trained when they were younger to be more human than vampire, so they had weak or no vampire qualities about them. Instead, there would be a sign on their bodies.

We had him put his arm to the scanner again and we looked for the sign. I didn't see anything, but then Adam said "Oh, here it is." It was a light blue word that stuck out like a hologram on the inside of his upper right arm. It read "negative". That's why we didn't notice or see anything the first time. When he took his arm away, the word went away, but when he put his arm on it, it showed up again in the same spot.

I read on. It said that by default, the carriers of the gene would turn human, but based on how they were raised, it would determine how strong of a vampire they had the potential to be. Adam was kept out of the sun a lot, so that's why he became so light-sensitive with his eyes and skin. Tricity was the same way. He was also not given rare meat, because if he had grew up eating a lot of rare meat, he would be more inclined to drinking blood. If she were to eat a lot of rare meat, she could become a blood drinker.

Every choice to gain a vampire quality would require some sort of sacrifice. To have everlasting life, you had to become a blood drinker. To have skin as tough as stone, you could never be exposed to the light of day or else you would burn. And that is why Adam and Tricity had pretty tough skin compared to mine and the rest of my family. It said by the time a person reached adulthood, it was too late to make any changes, and they would forever remain in their current form. I looked at Tricity and said "Well Tric, if you want to be a vampire, there's still time to change!"

As far as I can remember, she said no... That was pretty much it for the dream. We had to go shopping after this, or go to my Mom's house, or something in my dream which drifted away from this storyline, and I eventually woke up.

I Knew This Year Would Be Different

As one door is closing in my life, another door is opening. A new chapter begins. I believe this chapter started back in 2014, when I started getting into gaming. We had gotten the Xbox 360 that year for Christmas, and little did I know what an adventure it would take me on!

In 2015, I spent most of the year gaining new friends, learning new things, becoming ingrained into the Minecraft community, primarily on PC. I met a lot of amazing people, was a part of some great servers, and I've learned more about myself than I realized. It was like my life had gone a completely different direction than I had ever imagined.

Then in 2016, things went crazy. I lost some great friendships, got attacked and targeted by people who were once my friends, drifted away from my original gaming friends, and met some new friends along the way who kept me afloat, and really got me into Xbox 360 and Xbox One. By this point, I had even started getting into other games, instead of just Minecraft.

By the time 2017 came around, old friendships were amended, but now I find myself drifting away from the gaming community, and going back to doing things that took up my time before, like my arts and crafts projects, doing more things around the house, and spending more time with my extended family. I've even rejoined the old writing forum that I used to be a part of, X-Men Dark Evolutions.

I had big plans for this year. I wanted to get back into vlogging and I wanted to go at it pretty hard. I have yet to do that, but now other opportunities are presenting themselves to me. The good thing is that I'm close to meeting my goal of 2.5k subscribers on YouTube. Hopefully I'll get my artwork done soon and we can have a giveaway in celebration. I would also like to start doing livestreams again. It's so much easier to make live content than to edit. (I hate editing! LOL) I had also thought about getting a full-time job working from home. While this would cut into my gaming time - as I've said, I've been moving away from gaming. As of right now, it's probably been 2 or 3 months since I've even loaded up Minecraft!

I turned in some resumes, so while I wait to hear back, I've been working on moving my office area upstairs for work purposes. There have also been changes in the family, and I find myself getting closer to my nieces and nephew. Hopefully with the changes I'm making around the house, they'll be able to visit a lot more often! And then there's the talk that me and Adam have been having about possibly having another baby???

Even though this year has gone by really fast (I can't believe it's already a third of the way over!) there's still plenty of time for things to happen. All it takes is one second for someone's whole life to change. This year has already changed so much, just like I knew it would, but who knows what else could happen?