I had just watched Stigmata, and learned about the Gospel of Thomas, which had been a new scroll that turned up that was said to be the closest words spoken by Jesus during the dinner before his crucifixion. Now, anyone that knows me knows that I don't believe in the standard church's version of God. You know... the whole Adam/Eve story, and the idea of creating the world in seven days... Whatever. Those were just things made up because no one had the knowledge back then to know any better. Besides, if people REALLY did their research, they would also know about Lilith, who was the partner to Adam BEFORE Eve came along.
I've always been more of a Science girl at heart. My beliefs had been based around energies. Electronic fields in the air. Unseen waves moving all over the place. Basic, simple, pure energy. That is what made the right elements combine to create the goo that eventually evolved into a living thing. It's what gives a spirit to a baby when the sperm and egg combine (not meaning to be vulgar here). Life is all about energy, and when we die, the energy goes back into the world to become part of it all over again. This desk? It's a bunch of atoms moving and vibrating so fast that they make, what appears to us, a solid object. Our thoughts, hopes, feelings, and dreams? All energy waves within our brains that make us feel or create things in our minds. Ghosts? Conscious energy fields that can think and feel, just like the energy waves in our brains. Wind and rain? Physical energy in motion. Our voices? The things we see? The flavors we taste? EVERYTHING is energy!
Anyway, I always DID have a feeling that there was a great psychic man whom the great storymakers of the past had named Jesus. What do I think a psychic ability is? Energy that people are sensitive to and pick up. Some people are better at it than others, just like some people can see better than others, hear better than others, run better than others... Well, in my theories, this Jesus man was very sensitive to energy (which was called god). And growing up in a family that drilled Adam and Eve type beliefs into his head all the time, of course he was going to base it all on "the father" and "the kingdom of heaven" and all other pre-jesus beliefs.
Well, you see, he knew the truth of things. He knew what made life contain the essence of 'forever'. It's us, it's all around us. It's energy. (What the Gospel of Thomas calls "The Kingdom of Heaven", see?) He also knew that it didn't take a church or 'special' place to let people know this. Why was he killed? Because if this knowledge got out, people would forsake their churches. No one would have a need for a priest or someone to 'bless' them. You're only guilty because you FEEL guilty. You're only released from your guilt when you WANT to be. No one can make you feel bad, or happy, or sad, or excited, or scared, or brave, except for YOU. "You can get glad in the same pants you got mad in", as my mom used to say. The world is how you perceive it.
I also believe that this is why witches were killed by the churchmen back during the great witch trials. They knew this, as well. They knew that it didn't take 'holy' men or 'holy' buildings to love the world and love themselves. It didn't take these things to connect yourself to life's essence. And because they didn't feel the need to tie themselves down to a church, or bow to the will of men, they were considered independent women, and an independent woman was a force to be reckoned with. One that the men of their communities didn't want to contend with, and thus, they called them witches, associated them with evil, and had them killed. Now days? We KNOW better. People are becoming smarter, and realizing the truth of the world. All you have to do in this life is ENJOY it. Do what you want. Be happy. If life gives you lemons, make lemonade! Turn that frown upside down. Only YOU have the power to make yourself happy. And you know what? It was so very true...
I was reading these uncovered gospels today, and I came across number six. This sent a jolt through me. I was working on translating them into my own words to better understand them. After seeing as how they weren't too far a cry from Wiccan beliefs, I had to research them, as I tend to research all religions, trying to find one that better suits my interests.
Here is what it said:
His disciples asked him and said to him, "Do you want us to fast? How should we pray? Should we give to charity? What diet should we observe?"
Jesus said, "Don't lie, and don't do what you hate, because all things are disclosed before heaven. After all, there is nothing hidden that will not be revealed, and there is nothing covered up that will remain undisclosed."
And here is how I translated it:
His disciples wanted to be told what to do, what to think, how to feel. (What I call "sheepole") Basically, he said to them that they didn't need to ask HIM what to do. Do what they want. Think for themselves. Be in control of their own lives! But be a good person, and don't lie, especially to yourselves, because not only does it hurt others, but you're just hurting yourself in the long run. People don't like lies, and if you keep it up, they won't like you. Not to mention you would be fooling yourself, and nobody wants to be a fool. After all, in the end, all thoughts you have thought before are just energy waves, and though you think you can hide your thoughts, energy is all around us, and your thoughts will be known. The truth always comes out. Do what you want to do. Not what you HAVE to do. Don't do things just because other people tell you to. Again, that would be lying to yourself, and that's no good. How can you be happy like that?
If fate wants something to cross your path, it will. If it's not meant to be, it won't. You can't control how or why things happen, but you can control how you perceive them. And everything happens for a reason. But you see, what startled me is that - I have ALWAYS suffered when doing what I always thought was right and not what I wanted to do. I know that if I would have just followed my heart, I would have been at such great peace with myself.
So that's what I suggest. Don't try to change your ways because you think it's right for others. Don't do it if it makes you uncomfortable. Be true to yourself, and be happy with yourself. So to end this conversation, I hope I didn't offend anyone, but these are just some of my personal beliefs, and I'm just tossing some ideas out there. Be well, and be happy!
current mood:
contemplativecurrent music: A Sort of Fairytale - Tori Amos
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