I Dream of Babies...

Yes, as the title of this entry says, I dream of babies... I have my daughter of course, but last night, I dreamed I had a son who was a toddler, and I was pregnant with a third child. It was amazing... It was one of the best dreams I've had in while. I was so happy, and so in love with my children. I LOVED my pregnancy experience with Tricity, so getting to go through it three times? I felt blessed. I was truly happy... And then I woke up :-( I had a good cry about it this morning, so I'm feeling a little better now, but it still makes me sad...

I know I probably just dreamed about it because I saw this one woman posting (on one of our town's facebook pages) about how she has ten kids, and she's looking for something for them to do this summer, and then in the same day, my cousin posted about the loss of her baby that she was pregnant with. I feel so sorry for her :-( She has two daughters already, but I know that doesn't make up for the loss of the new baby. It's so sad... At least their soul rests in the arms of my Uncle Jerry.

Of course, everything I dream about is the opposite of what's going on in real life, so if you combine those two situations, that's obviously the reason why I dreamed about being pregnant and having more children. It's funny, though... When I was a teenager, I never wanted kids. I didn't like kids. I couldn't stand to be around people's kids. Then my daughter came along, and my world was changed forever. There's just something about having your own kids that changes how you look at the world. Once you have a baby (if you're a RESPONSIBLE parent, because I know SOME people who AREN'T!), then you see everything differently. The world changes. Everything you thought you knew...

Ever since I've had Tricity, I learned that I LOVE being a mom! And I've learned SO MUCH MORE than that! I've discovered so much about the world that I had no clue about before. If I thought I knew everything, I now know that I knew NOTHING! It was like I was blindfolded with headphones on, and then my daughter pulled them off, and my eyes and ears were opened. It's like - you want to learn more about the world so that you can protect your child, to guide them in the right direction, and to prepare them for what's ahead. You learn about what's healthy and what's not. You get more crafty. You take a step back and get a good look at your life. Heck, I even like the color pink, now! lol

It just breaks my heart that I can't have any more children, while everyone around me are growing their families, and even my dreams tease me... Either because of my weight and hormones, or because of the experience I had at the hospital, causing me to have scar tissue? I don't know why. Maybe it's just not meant to be. Maybe it's too late. Maybe I'm too envious... I just keep on going forward, though. If it'll ever happen, then it's meant to be. If not? Well, everything happens for a reason, even if I don't know yet what that reason is.

At least I have my Tricity. I suppose that's why I spoil her so much, and why I'm so attached to her. I just have so much love to give, and I want her to have plenty of things around her to make up for her lack of siblings. I'm so grateful and thankful that she came into my life, and I got lucky when I had her. I owe her everything! If it weren't for her, I wouldn't be the person that I am today, and I'd like to think that I'm a much better person than I was eight years ago.