I had a moment today...
Some days are so hard on me. You'll be all that I can think about. I think about how it's not fair that you were taken so young. It's not fair how you didn't get to follow your dreams and have your winery and children of your own. It's not fair that James has to be without his wife, the one who was probably the most perfect person for him. It's not fair that your parents had to lose their youngest child when you so often worried about losing them first.
I think about how I can't go to you any more when I'm feeling blue or I want to share something that I think only you would appreciate. How you're no longer there to help me feel better and brush it off when Adam and I are arguing. How you won't be around to give me the confidence that you always gave me when I didn't think I was good enough or worthy enough. To give me facts and logical suggestions when I start going off on another one of my crazy ideas, and how to make it happen.
But some days I can manage...
Today was one of those days. I was doing good for the most part until we went out to eat tonight and Adam was in a mood. 15 West - the fancy restaurant me and Tricity like to treat ourselves to, was no longer serving his preferred dish, so he threw a fit by protesting to eat. So as I usually do, I tried to lighten the mood by trying to make him laugh. But he wouldn't laugh...
It made me think about you and how I loved the feeling I got when I was able to make you laugh. Sometimes because I would try on purpose, but most often by mistake. But it was always a great feeling, making you laugh. But he never laughs... It made me miss you even more than before.
It was at that moment when Tricity got a cold chill and she shivered. I hadn't thought anything about it until after we were done and we were about to leave. We were just waiting on the waitress to bring us our check. Then I decided to look over at the desert menu to see what kind of "house made" deserts they had. That's when I saw it...
"Gooey Butter Cake". Instantly I thought about you and the story you told me about Magen and how she messed up the gooey butter cake one night and didn't remember it the next day. I had never even heard of gooey butter cake until you told me about it. Hell, I still don't even know what it is! But I know the name of it, and when I saw that...
Then Tricity gasped. Before I could fully understand the reason why, she explained about how I was just talking about you and we were missing you. Then she got a cold chill, and then I saw that sign. People say when a spirit is around you, the temperature drops. I know you never believed in spirits other than rum, vodka, and tequila, but I always watched Ghost Adventures, and I believe that is why Tricity got the cold chill. I know you were there.
And even now as I write this, I am convinced now more than ever that everything happens for a reason, even though we never know why that reason may be until it happens. My mind is blown, thinking about how there was a reason why Magen tried making that cake, and why she couldn't remember it the next day. It was so that you could tell me the story, and I could relate to this happening after your passing, so that I would know you're with me, because you know how I am always questioning if what I think is happening is really what is true or not.
I miss you, I love you, and I know you miss me and love me too. ♥
So here's just a few photos from tonight. Here is Tricity's pizza, and Adam with his tea, and my food. I started out with this crab and spinach bisque that I love so much. (I WILL find out how to make this at home and I will make a bunch and freeze it until it's ready to be eaten! lol) And then I got chicken parmesan with penne noodles. It was pretty good! And even though Adam was pouty, I gave him some of my chicken and he had a piece of Tricity's pizza :-p And then of course I had to take a picture of the "Gooey Butter Cake" sign.
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