It's been three months. That's sounds about right. Time for another depression. It seems like every three months, I get into a 'I'm stuck here and I'll never get anywhere in life' frame of mind. There was so much I had planned to do already at this point in my life, but every time I plan something or wish for something, it falls through and life says 'haha, screw you, got your hopes up, you suck!'
This time, it's all because I miss my musicals and the whole theater scene... I dreamed back in High School that I'd be on stage by now, preforming musicals and singing my heart out. I never honestly thought I'd get to Broadway. Any stage would do, really. But I was determined to do what I love, and singing and acting was it!
I'm glad for my friend Xenos (James Bell). He told me he's now been asked to play a part in Godspell, after a successful show of doing Crazy For You. I'm not ashamed to admit that yes, I'm jealous, and yes, I envy him very much, but I'm also VERY happy for him. I have congratulated him (and meant it) for being successful with something I've always wanted to do since I can remember. But that doesn't mean I'm happy with myself. I'm still pretty angry and hurt that it just seems to come so easily for some people while the rest of us just get lost along the way.
I just can't help but to cry when I get depressed that I'm stuck here in this pathetic little town, unable to have access to such things, while he's out singing and dancing, and doing everything I've wanted to do with all my heart. I'm mad at myself for not trying harder. For not getting out when I had the chance. For just expecting my dreams to happen and not MAKING them happen, and just taking the leap to DO it. Blargh... I better shut up while I'm ahead. I bet this sounds quite immature of me... :-(
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