I think about my best friend Tahnee so much every day... and as I tend to do, I start overthinking things as well, and I start feeling a little guilty about the way she died. But then I can imagine her telling me to stop blaming myself, and how everything isn't always about me, just as she has done before in the past when I'd start feeling down like this.
It's just that I feel guilty because they said she passed from a blood clot that went to her lungs, and my Mom always warns me about sitting at the computer for too long, because she's worried a blood clot will get ME just like it did to her. And the reason why I feel guilty about that is because of how many hours upon hours we would spend on the computer playing and talking to each other.
I feel like - if I had been on less, maybe she wouldn't have been at her computer as much? I'm the one who got her playing Minecraft on the PC back in 2015, so I feel responsible. If we hadn't always been playing on the computer or spending hours in calls together, would she not have been on as much? Would this have been able to be prevented?
It was just so weird because a couple of months before she died, I had felt an urge to get away from the computer for a while. I quit staying upstairs after work to play any games. I had decided to start coming downstairs and spending more time with Tricity and doing more things around the house that I have been wanting to get done. I was cooking more. I started drinking water. Something in me had wanted to change. And then this happened...
She would probably tell me that it wouldn't have turned out any different, that she would have still been on the computer doing one thing or another. But there's still that feeling of guilt, you know? I feel like - how different would her life had turned out if we had never become friends? I'd never want to give away our friendship, but these kinds of things always go through my head. Where would she be if she hadn't been tied down to me?
I try not to be so down on myself about it, though. I know she wouldn't like that. She was always one for owning up and accepting responsibility and moving on from your mistakes. I sure do miss her though, and I as much as I wish I could change the way things turned out, I know I can't. So I must accept it and move on. And maybe one day I'll stop blaming myself...
Saturday, March 30, 2019
Wednesday, March 27, 2019
Doomsday Preppers
I started watching this show on Netflix called "Doomsday Preppers". The people on the show talk about themselves as if the whole word thinks they're crazy, but it has always been something I was interested in doing. Maybe now is the time to get started? After all, the number of people who are becoming peppers is on the rise, so that’s got to be telling you something, as animals and even people can sometimes sense when danger is approaching, so they start preparing themselves for whatever might be possible.
The only thing that keeps me from becoming a prepper is is that I don’t want to leave a bunch of canned goods in a particular location because after so long, the food inside starts tasting like metal. And if I canned my own goods, all it would take is one earthquake or a tornado to break them, or the food inside might go bad if the jars are not properly sealed.
I think we all believe the world might come under a great catastrophe in one way or another. For me, I think it's going to be bombs. Everyone always makes a threat about it, so I worry that one of these days, someone is going to make good on that threat and actually set them off, resulting in mass destruction. The only problem with that is that I know nothing about surviving a bomb or radiation :-/ The closest I've come to anything like that is when I play Fallout.
Then there's the part of me that gets really carried away and thinks about a zombie apocalypse. I actually feel like I could survive that for a while, if it were ever real (UNLESS the zombies are like the ones on the movie I Am Legend).
I like the show though. People show you what they've done to prepare and what they've got so far, and then the show grades them on a point system based on food, water, shelter, defense, and xfactor (if they have other unique ideas that can add to your survival score) and then gives them some time to make adjustments and then checks back in on them to see how they've improved.
The only thing that keeps me from becoming a prepper is is that I don’t want to leave a bunch of canned goods in a particular location because after so long, the food inside starts tasting like metal. And if I canned my own goods, all it would take is one earthquake or a tornado to break them, or the food inside might go bad if the jars are not properly sealed.
I think we all believe the world might come under a great catastrophe in one way or another. For me, I think it's going to be bombs. Everyone always makes a threat about it, so I worry that one of these days, someone is going to make good on that threat and actually set them off, resulting in mass destruction. The only problem with that is that I know nothing about surviving a bomb or radiation :-/ The closest I've come to anything like that is when I play Fallout.
Then there's the part of me that gets really carried away and thinks about a zombie apocalypse. I actually feel like I could survive that for a while, if it were ever real (UNLESS the zombies are like the ones on the movie I Am Legend).
I like the show though. People show you what they've done to prepare and what they've got so far, and then the show grades them on a point system based on food, water, shelter, defense, and xfactor (if they have other unique ideas that can add to your survival score) and then gives them some time to make adjustments and then checks back in on them to see how they've improved.
She Looks Like a Doll!
So when I was doing my "photoshoot" yesterday with my new wig and contacts, I decided to do a filter of Tricity while I was playing around on Snapchat. WOW! She looked just like a doll! She has the child face and the beautiful curly golden hair, rosy cheeks, those lips... I'm in love with this photo of her! ♥ ♥ ♥
Tuesday, March 26, 2019
Pastel Rainbow Wig and Purple Contacts
I decided to dress up with my pastel-rainbow colored wig (my favorite one so far!) and purple contacts, and add some shimmer and shine. That includes a micro-glitter lip shine, highlighter, and glittery eyeshadow.
I'm the prettiest momma unicorn! And Tricity is my beautiful babycorn :-p
I'm the prettiest momma unicorn! And Tricity is my beautiful babycorn :-p
Monday, March 25, 2019
Lessons I Learned From Tahnee
There are many lessons I learned from my best friend throughout the years. She always had clever things to say or really logical ideas that have profoundly resonated with me, and I'd like to share them with you.
The first main thing she had taught me was:
Prepare for the worst, but hope for the best.
This means to expect that not everything is going to go smoothly, and prepare for anything that might happen. But even if you expect that things will go wrong, keep your chin up and hope that it'll all work out and turn out for the best. For example, when I start work for the day, I don't clock in expecting the day to be perfect. I know the chances of that happening are slim. I expect there to be conflicts and problems that need to be resolved, but I still hope that it'll be a nice day. But at least I'm prepared to handle it if terrible things happen.
Then she taught me:
It's better to ask for forgiveness than it is to ask for permission.
This was a little devious, but it has helped give me courage to do a few things that I didn't think I would be allowed to do, because I feared that if I asked, I would be told no. But sometimes you just have to do it, and not worry about if you're allowed to or not. Then if someone gets onto you, you could always say - whoops! I didn't know. Forgive me? That way, you're not asking first and being told no before you even get the chance to try.
One of the weird things she taught me was:
Sometimes the best ideas are thought of in the bathroom.
When we used to write together, she used to come up with some amazing storylines. Then she told me her secret. She came up with them in the bathroom. She said that sometimes, when you're left to peace and quiet and alone with your own thoughts, with nothing else to distract you while you did your business, or took a shower, then it gave your brain some time to think on it's own and come up with ideas. And she was right! I noticed that when I'm in the shower, sometimes my brain will go into overdrive, and I'll come up with some of my best ideas.
And then another key thing she had unknowingly taught me is that:
You don't have to be lovers to be soulmates.
I don't think there was anyone more perfect to share my life with. She was the one. I loved her very deeply, and I know she loved me too, but we weren't lovers in a sexual way. (I may like boobs, but I don't like vaginas.) We were intimate, but not physically. I think she's the only person in the world who knew everything about me. And I miss her so much...
The first main thing she had taught me was:
Prepare for the worst, but hope for the best.
This means to expect that not everything is going to go smoothly, and prepare for anything that might happen. But even if you expect that things will go wrong, keep your chin up and hope that it'll all work out and turn out for the best. For example, when I start work for the day, I don't clock in expecting the day to be perfect. I know the chances of that happening are slim. I expect there to be conflicts and problems that need to be resolved, but I still hope that it'll be a nice day. But at least I'm prepared to handle it if terrible things happen.
Then she taught me:
It's better to ask for forgiveness than it is to ask for permission.
This was a little devious, but it has helped give me courage to do a few things that I didn't think I would be allowed to do, because I feared that if I asked, I would be told no. But sometimes you just have to do it, and not worry about if you're allowed to or not. Then if someone gets onto you, you could always say - whoops! I didn't know. Forgive me? That way, you're not asking first and being told no before you even get the chance to try.
One of the weird things she taught me was:
Sometimes the best ideas are thought of in the bathroom.
When we used to write together, she used to come up with some amazing storylines. Then she told me her secret. She came up with them in the bathroom. She said that sometimes, when you're left to peace and quiet and alone with your own thoughts, with nothing else to distract you while you did your business, or took a shower, then it gave your brain some time to think on it's own and come up with ideas. And she was right! I noticed that when I'm in the shower, sometimes my brain will go into overdrive, and I'll come up with some of my best ideas.
And then another key thing she had unknowingly taught me is that:
You don't have to be lovers to be soulmates.
I don't think there was anyone more perfect to share my life with. She was the one. I loved her very deeply, and I know she loved me too, but we weren't lovers in a sexual way. (I may like boobs, but I don't like vaginas.) We were intimate, but not physically. I think she's the only person in the world who knew everything about me. And I miss her so much...
Sunday, March 24, 2019
Our New Vlog Intro
In case you guys hadn't seen it yet, we have a new video intro for the vlogs! Enjoy ♥
Please subscribe, comment, and thumbs up! :-)
Check out our other family vlogs here!
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLC6kl0RsnmZ-fl8NsNUJLNK6-rDepf3in
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Saturday, March 23, 2019
Burial for Tahnee
The memorial services for Tahnee was last weekend. This weekend was the burial. Once again, everything was so beautiful and lovely. So many flowers, and her headstone was lovely. I think she would have been pleased. I could just imagine her standing behind it looking back at me, saying my name in a sing-songy way, trying to get me to smile and telling me that she loves me.
The day started off sunny as we hit the road. But as we got closer, and during the service, it became overcast. It's like because we were sad, the sky reflected our mood by covering up the sun, making it more gloomy. And it was like Tahnee was watching out for me because she knows I have skin that burns easily, so she wanted to make sure that I didn't get sunburnt while standing there during the service. At least, that's how I'd like to think about it. And then on the way back home, the sun came back out again.
At first we drove to the Shiloh cemetery, but I didn't think about it when I looked up the directions. They had said it was at the old Shiloh church and not at the new cemetery, so I called her sister and she sent someone out to come get us and show us the way there. It's probably a good thing that someone showed us the way, because it was pretty well out of town with a lot of small roads, and we probably would have gotten lost.
They also had a bagpipe player, who was an elderly gentleman, and I'm not sure if he kept squonking on accident, or if as Adam said, maybe there wasn't a good seal on the bagpipes? But he kept honking during the performance. After he was finished, he marched off, still playing as the sound grew quieter and quieter, and the song was dying out. Literally! It no longer became a song. It was a tangled mess of squeaks and squonks. We couldn't help but to start snicker and laughing, thinking of how Tahnee would have been laughing pretty hard at that. She and I always laughed at those awkward moments. Even after it was all said and done, he kept trying to get it right.
When her sister Magen started pouring her ashes into the ground, that's pretty much when I lost it. I felt like - there she was. That's what it was all summed up to. The last of her Earthly being, put back into the ground. Her physical presence is gone, but her spirit shall live on in all of us. But I'm not ready to say goodbye. I'm still not. I still feel like I'm waiting on her to get online so we can pick right back up where we left off.
We went out to eat at Park-Et afterwards, and all I could think about was how I'm still here and she's not. It doesn't seem right. I'm not going to say it wasn't fair, because I certainly don't want to be in her place. I can't imagine what that would do to Tricity... Not fair is when my Grandpa had several heart attacks and is still alive, but all it took was one heart attack to take my Grandma away from me. It sounds harsh, but this is how I still feel about that situation. With Tahnee, it just feels weird, like when she left, she took a part of me with her, like I've got one foot in the ground and the rest of me here. And I wonder if I'm always going to feel this way?
Her parents had both thanked me for being a good friend and bringing her happiness through all these years, but I still feel like we should have had at least 20 more years together. Hearing that meant so much to me though, because it made me feel like not only were were we as close as we thought we were, but it was evident to everyone else as well. Like it wasn't just something we perceived, but it was validated. I even listed as my partner on Facebook pretty much ever since she got a Facebook account. When I did it, it gave her a good laugh, so she left it that way lol
Some of us threw dirt onto the ashes once she was laid to rest. Me and Tricity did. I must have kept that dirt under my nails for several hours after that. I didn't want to wash it off my hand... I was wanting to stay with her as long as possible. I could have sat there for hours, but we didn't know how to get out of there, so we followed her sister back to town.
Anyway, I'm glad we had some funny memories to look back on for this day, with the bagpipe player. I'm sure she had something to do with it. I know it. She was always trying to make me happy, and that was exactly the kind of thing she would have done. I'd like to think she's looking out for me. Still soul mates even now. ♥
The day started off sunny as we hit the road. But as we got closer, and during the service, it became overcast. It's like because we were sad, the sky reflected our mood by covering up the sun, making it more gloomy. And it was like Tahnee was watching out for me because she knows I have skin that burns easily, so she wanted to make sure that I didn't get sunburnt while standing there during the service. At least, that's how I'd like to think about it. And then on the way back home, the sun came back out again.
At first we drove to the Shiloh cemetery, but I didn't think about it when I looked up the directions. They had said it was at the old Shiloh church and not at the new cemetery, so I called her sister and she sent someone out to come get us and show us the way there. It's probably a good thing that someone showed us the way, because it was pretty well out of town with a lot of small roads, and we probably would have gotten lost.
They also had a bagpipe player, who was an elderly gentleman, and I'm not sure if he kept squonking on accident, or if as Adam said, maybe there wasn't a good seal on the bagpipes? But he kept honking during the performance. After he was finished, he marched off, still playing as the sound grew quieter and quieter, and the song was dying out. Literally! It no longer became a song. It was a tangled mess of squeaks and squonks. We couldn't help but to start snicker and laughing, thinking of how Tahnee would have been laughing pretty hard at that. She and I always laughed at those awkward moments. Even after it was all said and done, he kept trying to get it right.
When her sister Magen started pouring her ashes into the ground, that's pretty much when I lost it. I felt like - there she was. That's what it was all summed up to. The last of her Earthly being, put back into the ground. Her physical presence is gone, but her spirit shall live on in all of us. But I'm not ready to say goodbye. I'm still not. I still feel like I'm waiting on her to get online so we can pick right back up where we left off.
We went out to eat at Park-Et afterwards, and all I could think about was how I'm still here and she's not. It doesn't seem right. I'm not going to say it wasn't fair, because I certainly don't want to be in her place. I can't imagine what that would do to Tricity... Not fair is when my Grandpa had several heart attacks and is still alive, but all it took was one heart attack to take my Grandma away from me. It sounds harsh, but this is how I still feel about that situation. With Tahnee, it just feels weird, like when she left, she took a part of me with her, like I've got one foot in the ground and the rest of me here. And I wonder if I'm always going to feel this way?
Her parents had both thanked me for being a good friend and bringing her happiness through all these years, but I still feel like we should have had at least 20 more years together. Hearing that meant so much to me though, because it made me feel like not only were were we as close as we thought we were, but it was evident to everyone else as well. Like it wasn't just something we perceived, but it was validated. I even listed as my partner on Facebook pretty much ever since she got a Facebook account. When I did it, it gave her a good laugh, so she left it that way lol
Some of us threw dirt onto the ashes once she was laid to rest. Me and Tricity did. I must have kept that dirt under my nails for several hours after that. I didn't want to wash it off my hand... I was wanting to stay with her as long as possible. I could have sat there for hours, but we didn't know how to get out of there, so we followed her sister back to town.
Anyway, I'm glad we had some funny memories to look back on for this day, with the bagpipe player. I'm sure she had something to do with it. I know it. She was always trying to make me happy, and that was exactly the kind of thing she would have done. I'd like to think she's looking out for me. Still soul mates even now. ♥
Thursday, March 21, 2019
Tricity's Ancestry DNA Results
Wow, so we got the results back for Tricity's ancestry DNA test, and I totally thought she would have had more than that in her! But I guess it shows that even if your ancestors are French or German, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you will have that in you. Here's her results:
And that's it! So plain and simple. What I wonder though, is can she claim to say she is a quarter Irish and Scottish, and three quarters British because of these results? Even though many generations lived here in the USA and she's an American by nationality? I mean it's right there in her DNA, so I would imagine so, right?
I sent off my test today. I'm so excited and I can't wait to see how my results come back!
Wednesday, March 20, 2019
We're Giving Up Caffeine
So because of what happened with Tahnee's passing, it really shook me up. Apparently what had caused her death was a blood clot that traveled to her lungs, which caused her to go limp and stop breathing. The blood clot was most likely formed due to sitting at the computer all the time. She had a job working on her computer, and then when she was off work, we would play online all the time and talk to each other on the computer.
And this scares the hell out of me because I'm always at the computer as well. I work and play at the computer too, so we're not really that different. In fact, I think I was sitting and using the computer more than she was, because when she would go to bed, I would still be up a few more hours. It has only been the past couple of months that I haven't been on as much because I wanted to spend more time with Tricity, so I wasn't getting on after work.
So I'm shook, right? Every time I sit down at my computer and do my job, I now wonder if it's like a ticking time bomb. It scares the hell out of me, but this is pretty much the only job I can do at the moment. I can't drive, I can't stand for too long, that rules out a lot of normal jobs, so working from home is what I am able to do to help provide for the family.
I looked up what causes blood clots, and most of the stuff was easy to rule out. I quit drinking, I don't smoke, I've been taking a small dose of "Bayer" at night to help thin my blood. I'm not using the computer as much, and one of the biggest changes was giving up caffeine. I'm a big soda drinker and recently started drinking coffee, so now I'm cutting those out and drinking water. We all are. Me, Tricity, and Adam are giving up caffeine and the only time we'll have soda is if we're going out to eat. But no more soda in the house!
So after we got back home from the memorial service, we went straight to the store and bought some water bottles. Adam already had one. He actually gave up soda some time ago because he was getting really bad kidney stones. Tricity got a bottle, and I actually got two. I have one to keep by the bed because my mouth gets so dry at night sometimes, and then I have one for work, which stays in the freezer because it has gel in the sides of the bottle that keep it cold for a while.
This one is my favorite though. This is the one I keep by the bed, and it works amazingly well! I can put ice water in it around 9:00 at night, and after I drink all of the water, the ice will still be in it the next night. It's insulated, so it doesn't feel very cold on the outside, but the inside stays nice and icy cold. I want to get one more to replace the gel bottle that doesn't work as well as you would have thought... And this one is way more beautiful, too!
I want us to eventually try to cut out sugar, salt, and white flour too. I've heard several times throughout the years that if it's white, not to use it (unless it's like an onion or something lol) And I also want us to do more activities. A good walk in the evening after dinner would be nice to do, like if the three of us took the dog for a walk together or something. Or going swimming more. I always love swimming.
And I want to cook whatever I want to cook, whether they eat it or not, because what I want to cook is with fresh vegetables and they aren't really vegetable eaters. But hopefully I'll make it delicious enough where I can change their minds and they will want to eat healthier too? *crosses fingers*
But for now, switching to water is a huge step in itself, so we're going to try and take it one step at a time. I just know that her passing really hit home for me, and I'm not ready to go yet. And I don't want anything to happen to my family either, so something HAS to change.
And this scares the hell out of me because I'm always at the computer as well. I work and play at the computer too, so we're not really that different. In fact, I think I was sitting and using the computer more than she was, because when she would go to bed, I would still be up a few more hours. It has only been the past couple of months that I haven't been on as much because I wanted to spend more time with Tricity, so I wasn't getting on after work.
So I'm shook, right? Every time I sit down at my computer and do my job, I now wonder if it's like a ticking time bomb. It scares the hell out of me, but this is pretty much the only job I can do at the moment. I can't drive, I can't stand for too long, that rules out a lot of normal jobs, so working from home is what I am able to do to help provide for the family.
I looked up what causes blood clots, and most of the stuff was easy to rule out. I quit drinking, I don't smoke, I've been taking a small dose of "Bayer" at night to help thin my blood. I'm not using the computer as much, and one of the biggest changes was giving up caffeine. I'm a big soda drinker and recently started drinking coffee, so now I'm cutting those out and drinking water. We all are. Me, Tricity, and Adam are giving up caffeine and the only time we'll have soda is if we're going out to eat. But no more soda in the house!
So after we got back home from the memorial service, we went straight to the store and bought some water bottles. Adam already had one. He actually gave up soda some time ago because he was getting really bad kidney stones. Tricity got a bottle, and I actually got two. I have one to keep by the bed because my mouth gets so dry at night sometimes, and then I have one for work, which stays in the freezer because it has gel in the sides of the bottle that keep it cold for a while.
This one is my favorite though. This is the one I keep by the bed, and it works amazingly well! I can put ice water in it around 9:00 at night, and after I drink all of the water, the ice will still be in it the next night. It's insulated, so it doesn't feel very cold on the outside, but the inside stays nice and icy cold. I want to get one more to replace the gel bottle that doesn't work as well as you would have thought... And this one is way more beautiful, too!
I want us to eventually try to cut out sugar, salt, and white flour too. I've heard several times throughout the years that if it's white, not to use it (unless it's like an onion or something lol) And I also want us to do more activities. A good walk in the evening after dinner would be nice to do, like if the three of us took the dog for a walk together or something. Or going swimming more. I always love swimming.
And I want to cook whatever I want to cook, whether they eat it or not, because what I want to cook is with fresh vegetables and they aren't really vegetable eaters. But hopefully I'll make it delicious enough where I can change their minds and they will want to eat healthier too? *crosses fingers*
But for now, switching to water is a huge step in itself, so we're going to try and take it one step at a time. I just know that her passing really hit home for me, and I'm not ready to go yet. And I don't want anything to happen to my family either, so something HAS to change.
Tuesday, March 19, 2019
Seeings Signs of Her Everywhere
I know I'm bound to see signs of Tahnee everywhere since we were so close. There's not much we didn't share or have in common, so I'm going to notice a lot of things that remind me of her. Every time I see a star, or hear her favorite songs or watch her favorite movies, when I say something she used to say all the time like "herro" instead of "hello", or when the color purple stands out to me... She's everywhere.
But then there's this. This gave me the chills. I opened up a fortune cookie today that was left over from the Chinese delivery we had ordered to our room during our stay at the hotel over this past weekened of her memorial service, and this is the message I got:
Sometimes I feel like I can hear her reply to something I'll say or do in my mind. I don't literally hear her, but I can just imagine her voice and what she would say, and how she would say it. Or I'll hear her laugh, or do what I called the "guinea pig" sound when she used to get tired. I was just so used to hearing her all the time that I have her voice imprinted on my mind...
But then there's this. This gave me the chills. I opened up a fortune cookie today that was left over from the Chinese delivery we had ordered to our room during our stay at the hotel over this past weekened of her memorial service, and this is the message I got:
It says "Soon someone new coming into your life will be a best friend." I just lost my best friend, and then I get a fortune cookie with that message? It's like she's trying to fill the gap and help me feel better. Or else she just wants to freak me out. But if that's not a sign, I don't know what is! lol
Sometimes I feel like I can hear her reply to something I'll say or do in my mind. I don't literally hear her, but I can just imagine her voice and what she would say, and how she would say it. Or I'll hear her laugh, or do what I called the "guinea pig" sound when she used to get tired. I was just so used to hearing her all the time that I have her voice imprinted on my mind...
Sunday, March 17, 2019
Memorial Service for Tahnee
Well yesterday was rough, but it was lovely. I’m happy they did things the way I think Tahnee would have liked them. It was a day of both tears and laughs as we reminisced on shared moments and memories...
There were so many flowers, it smelled so lovely, and so much purple, which was her favorite color. And they had calla lilies, her favorite flower. They had a TV screen showing pictures of her and the people she loved. They showed some of her artwork, and played some of her songs.
You can find her karaoke songs here on her SingSnap page:
http://www.singsnap.com/karaoke/profile/recordings/a21ac29
And if you want to see her art, you can see a lot of it here on her DeviantArt page:
https://www.deviantart.com/requiem-star
She also did gaming videos, wrote her own song, and made a speed-art video for me - all on her YouTube channel, which you can find here:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCayVZMCPUheCwA2M50gJaHQ
She was also a writer, but I don't have any of her writings on a webpage link, except from this old X-Men board we used to play on, where she had many, many great characters. If this link doesn't work in the future, try looking up "X-Men Dark Evolutions" and "Epiphany" whom was her main character:
https://www.tapatalk.com/groups/xmendarkevolutionsrpg/
and if you're interested in joining, the board has since moved to this page:
http://xmendarkevolution.freeforums.net/
Those are pretty much the main places where I knew she had her content hosted, besides normal social media places like Facebook, Twitter, etc. And I want to thank everyone who has ever said anything nice about her work, or made nice comments on her stuff. Everyone needs more positivity in their lives, so thanks for making her days a bit brighter during her time in this world. ♥
There were so many flowers, it smelled so lovely, and so much purple, which was her favorite color. And they had calla lilies, her favorite flower. They had a TV screen showing pictures of her and the people she loved. They showed some of her artwork, and played some of her songs.
You can find her karaoke songs here on her SingSnap page:
http://www.singsnap.com/karaoke/profile/recordings/a21ac29
And if you want to see her art, you can see a lot of it here on her DeviantArt page:
https://www.deviantart.com/requiem-star
She also did gaming videos, wrote her own song, and made a speed-art video for me - all on her YouTube channel, which you can find here:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCayVZMCPUheCwA2M50gJaHQ
She was also a writer, but I don't have any of her writings on a webpage link, except from this old X-Men board we used to play on, where she had many, many great characters. If this link doesn't work in the future, try looking up "X-Men Dark Evolutions" and "Epiphany" whom was her main character:
https://www.tapatalk.com/groups/xmendarkevolutionsrpg/
and if you're interested in joining, the board has since moved to this page:
http://xmendarkevolution.freeforums.net/
Those are pretty much the main places where I knew she had her content hosted, besides normal social media places like Facebook, Twitter, etc. And I want to thank everyone who has ever said anything nice about her work, or made nice comments on her stuff. Everyone needs more positivity in their lives, so thanks for making her days a bit brighter during her time in this world. ♥
Saturday, March 16, 2019
10 Year Anniversary Mini-Vacation
I had planned to ask her if she wanted to meet up while we were in town, but I guess she had other plans for us to meet. Sadly, it had to be this way... But we kept our spirits high during the anniversary trip, and saved the tears for Sunday. Here's the video.
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http://www.youtube.com/TheMultiMom
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Thanks For the Memories
Thinking about my Starry Star tonight and feeling anxious about tomorrow. The memorial is just going to make it set in and feel more real, because I still can’t seem to fully accept that it has actually happened... 😞
I'm crying so hard right now, going over the last messages from my best friend. Here’s from Xbox. She was always so loving and goofy, like how she says "slide my dm's in there" instead of saying "slide into your dm's". She always knew how to make me feel special, and was always trying to cheer me up when I was feeling down. I love you too Tahnee. I wish I hadn’t taken the last couple of month for granted. I should have talked to you more and made sure you were doing okay 😞😢
Some of you may have known her as just RequiemStar or Star, or even Epiphany... But for those of you who don't know - you deserve to know. ♥ It still feels unreal, but I'm sad to say that I lost my best friend Tahnee Sunday night. She was everything to me. We have been best friends for 21 years. I hope I don't offend anyone, but I think it's safe to say that I knew more about her than anyone else. We shared tears, laughs, and everything in between. Our deepest secrets, our struggles, our victories, weird humor (after all, we had each other listed as partners on Facebook since I can remember her first getting Facebook), we've shared witty banter, debates, ideas, thoughts, dreams, wishes, future plans, and a past full of many great memories... You usually didn't see one of us on without the other. I loved her so much...
For the past 5 years, we talked and played games almost every day, except when her husband James was home, and then she would spend time with him. Sometimes we would drink together and cry about our problems. My daughter always called her Aunt Tahnee, and Tricity would often join us in games because she adored her Aunt Tahnee and is so much like her. Tahnee affectionately gave her the name "Gerald" or "cheesy one" or "Tricicheese" to which Tricity would call her "Tahncheese". She had a lot of nicknames. Tahnee-wan-kenobi, Tiger, Tahn-tijer, RequiemStar, Star, my Starry Star, and so much more.
And her laugh... Her laugh was contagious because no one had a laugh like her "sprinkler" laugh, or as she said James would call it, her "wookie" laugh. Even I could never reproduce it! lol She has also been a light to many of our online friends, often helping to pick them up when they feel down, or to offer advice. Everyone gravitated to her. She had an amazing coy sense of humor and people loved her voice. I always admired how smart she was, and how she was always able to talk me down when I was freaking out about something, and help me feel brave when I felt so small. I don't know what I'm going to do without her, but as she told me before - expect the worst and hope for the best. I don't really know what I'm expected to do without her, so I'll do just that...
I don't know how long this page will be up, but here's her obituary:
https://www.crainsonline.com/obituaries/Tahnee-Farrar-Caselman/
And just in case it ever gets taken down, here is a screenshot of it... You can click on it for a larger view.
Sunday, March 10, 2019
The Loss of My Best Friend
I was hit with some terrible news today. I found out that my best friend passed away a couple of hours ago 😢 I'm so devastated. 21 years of friendship - our friendship was older than the age we were when we met. We were peas in a pod. She was my soul sister. My other half. My deepest respects and sympathies to her family and friends. She was the only close female friend I had that wasn’t an actual family member. We were each other’s rock. As we got older we were there to be each other's support as we experienced the bad and the good in life. I feel like - what am I supposed to do without her? So I can't even imagine how her husband James and her siblings and her parents feel and what they are going through right now... She always had such a good personality and really knew how to attract a crowd and make friends pretty easily. She had an AMAZING sense of humor and she was so creative and so smart. I used to call her my brain because when I said something really stupid, she'd be the logical one. We always said when I flew too high, she would bring me back down to earth, and when she was feeling too low, I'd be the one to pull her up with me. I have so many questions but I don't want to ask too much right now. So unexpected... Gone too soon... I love you and miss you Tahnee 😞❤️
My Crock-Pot Meat Recipe
I hope you guys-
I've been working on cooking this all day since 10:00 this morning. And now here at 10:00 pm, it’s FINALLY done! Yum yum 😋
Here's how I make it:
In a crock pot, I put in the meat that I wanted to cook. In this case, it was a butt roast.
I added just enough water to cover the meat, and turned it on high.
Then I add whatever I want to flavor it. In this case, I chopped up some onion, added some salt, pepper, garlic salt, 4 beef bullion cubes, dried onion flakes and onion powder.
After an hour, I flipped the meat over and left it in there to fully cook. Times will vary depending on how thick your meat is.
After the meat was done, I took the meat out to cool while I added a bag of baby carrots.
I let them cook while I cut up 6 potatoes and then added them to cook as well.
After an hour, I diced up the meat and added it back in and let everything heat back up.
About another hour later, I added a can of cut green beans and a jar of brown gravy.
Another hour after that, I mixed some corn starch with water, just enough to make it runny and not like oobleck.
I added the mix to the pot and stirred for a bit. Then I covered it back up and let it continue cooking until the carrots and potatoes were soft.
The stew was still a bit watery so I just kept adding a little more corn starch with water until it became the thickness that I wanted. You really want to be careful about adding too much or too little. Too much will make it like jelly and it'll be a gloppy mess. Too little will be alright for the stew, but it might take the vegetables even longer to cook. Once it's just right, the pot begins to boil and the vegetables get much softer faster.
And that's pretty much it! It would probably go a lot faster in a pot on the stove, but the meat is just so tender when cooking it all day in a crockpot. Enjoy!
I've been working on cooking this all day since 10:00 this morning. And now here at 10:00 pm, it’s FINALLY done! Yum yum 😋
Here's how I make it:
In a crock pot, I put in the meat that I wanted to cook. In this case, it was a butt roast.
I added just enough water to cover the meat, and turned it on high.
Then I add whatever I want to flavor it. In this case, I chopped up some onion, added some salt, pepper, garlic salt, 4 beef bullion cubes, dried onion flakes and onion powder.
After an hour, I flipped the meat over and left it in there to fully cook. Times will vary depending on how thick your meat is.
After the meat was done, I took the meat out to cool while I added a bag of baby carrots.
I let them cook while I cut up 6 potatoes and then added them to cook as well.
After an hour, I diced up the meat and added it back in and let everything heat back up.
About another hour later, I added a can of cut green beans and a jar of brown gravy.
Another hour after that, I mixed some corn starch with water, just enough to make it runny and not like oobleck.
I added the mix to the pot and stirred for a bit. Then I covered it back up and let it continue cooking until the carrots and potatoes were soft.
The stew was still a bit watery so I just kept adding a little more corn starch with water until it became the thickness that I wanted. You really want to be careful about adding too much or too little. Too much will make it like jelly and it'll be a gloppy mess. Too little will be alright for the stew, but it might take the vegetables even longer to cook. Once it's just right, the pot begins to boil and the vegetables get much softer faster.
And that's pretty much it! It would probably go a lot faster in a pot on the stove, but the meat is just so tender when cooking it all day in a crockpot. Enjoy!
Saturday, March 9, 2019
When I Die...
I posted yesterday on Twitter that if I was rich, when I’d die, I’d pay to have my ashes taken to space and scattered so that I could be part of a new star’s creation. I’d really love that... I believe that when a planet gets created, it starts with bits of dust that gravitate to each other and keep compacting and compounding on top of one another until it gets bigger and bigger and creates an actual planet. And I'd like my ashes to be a part of that formation. I think that would be AMAZING!
But all I can find about sending your ashes to space is that they will take your ashes up, orbit them once around the moon, and bring them back. I don't want them to be brought back, I want them to be scattered IN space. But if I can't do that, then I don't want to be cremated at all.
Also when I die, I want "Leave Out All the Rest" by Linkin Park to be played at my memorial. That song's lyrics mean a lot to me about my life, and how I want to be remembered. The song lyrics are as follows:
I also want all of my belongings to go to my daughter Tricity.
I'd like to have all of my online friends notified, and posts made on my social media for them to see.
I don't know where I want to be buried yet, but as long as I'm a body in a casket, I will be happy. I'd like to be next to my grandma and my Mom, but I feel like Portageville is too far away, and I'm not sure where Adam wants to be buried, and I'd like to be by him as well. I imagine he would like to be buried where his grandparents are at the Garden of Memories in Sedgewickville? We don't even have plots bought yet though. Would be buy them here in Perryville?
I'd hope that my makeup would be done the way I like. (Maybe I should get to work on making a "how I do my makeup" tutorial video, so they'll have a reference guide? lol)
I'd say that I don't want anything religious at my funeral or burial, but because I've always been a people pleaser, I'd make an exception for those who would need to believe that my soul is with god. I know my Mom would be one of these people... but I would want it to be made clear that these were not my own personal beliefs.
I'd hope that people would help Adam and Tricity out because I know they won't be able to afford much for my death. Funerals are expensive and we don't really have that much money. We don't have any savings, and pretty much get by paycheck to paycheck.
Other than these things, I can't really think of anything else. As long as these things are done, I will be happy. Hopefully more than 15 people will show up to my funeral, but I'm not really close to anyone so I doubt it. One of these days, I also need to get around to making a YouTube video as my final video to be made public once my day comes...
But all I can find about sending your ashes to space is that they will take your ashes up, orbit them once around the moon, and bring them back. I don't want them to be brought back, I want them to be scattered IN space. But if I can't do that, then I don't want to be cremated at all.
Also when I die, I want "Leave Out All the Rest" by Linkin Park to be played at my memorial. That song's lyrics mean a lot to me about my life, and how I want to be remembered. The song lyrics are as follows:
"I dreamed I was missing. You were so scared. But no one would listen, 'cause no one else cared.
After my dreaming, I woke with this fear. What am I leaving when I'm done here?
So if you're asking me, I want you to know -
When my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done.
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed.
And don't resent me. And when you're feeling empty,
keep me in your memory. Leave out all the rest.
Leave out all the rest.
Don't be afraid. I've taken my beating. I've shared what I made.
I'm strong on the surface, not all the way through. I've never been perfect, but neither have you.
So if you're asking me, I want you to know -
When my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done.
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed.
Don't resent me. And when you're feeling empty,
keep me in your memory. Leave out all the rest.
Leave out all the rest.
Forgetting all the hurt inside you've learned to hide so well.
Pretending someone else can come and save me from myself.
I can't be who you are."
I'd like to have all of my online friends notified, and posts made on my social media for them to see.
I don't know where I want to be buried yet, but as long as I'm a body in a casket, I will be happy. I'd like to be next to my grandma and my Mom, but I feel like Portageville is too far away, and I'm not sure where Adam wants to be buried, and I'd like to be by him as well. I imagine he would like to be buried where his grandparents are at the Garden of Memories in Sedgewickville? We don't even have plots bought yet though. Would be buy them here in Perryville?
I'd hope that my makeup would be done the way I like. (Maybe I should get to work on making a "how I do my makeup" tutorial video, so they'll have a reference guide? lol)
I'd say that I don't want anything religious at my funeral or burial, but because I've always been a people pleaser, I'd make an exception for those who would need to believe that my soul is with god. I know my Mom would be one of these people... but I would want it to be made clear that these were not my own personal beliefs.
I'd hope that people would help Adam and Tricity out because I know they won't be able to afford much for my death. Funerals are expensive and we don't really have that much money. We don't have any savings, and pretty much get by paycheck to paycheck.
Friday, March 8, 2019
What Happened to the 2019 Eclipse?
Everyone was all hyped up about the eclipse in 2017. What, no hype for the eclipse this year??? But wait, now I can't even seem to be able to find it! O_o
Our town was all in a buzz about the total solar eclipse on August 21 2017. We had a Solarfest and everything! There were carnival rides, the kids were let out of school, there was a parade, a craft fair, lots of events were going on all over town... We even went to some of them. I mean, it was a huge deal! And after it ended, there was much talk and excitement for the second eclipse coming two years later in 2019.
Well now 2019 is here, and I've been trying to find out information about it, because it's already March, and no one has made a peep about it at all. So I decided to try and look it up online, but it seems to have mysteriously vanished! I can find information about a solar eclipse for 2019, but it's nowhere near our area. It's actually in South America:
And when I look at the list of eclipses in my area of the world, it only lists 2017, with nothing for 2019, with the next eclipse not happening until 2054! I'll be 62, if I'm even still alive by then!
I'm so conflicted... If the eclipse wasn't going to happen in our area, why were they getting hyped up for it? I was genuinely looking forward to this. Did they not realize it wasn't going to cross over us at the time? So I guess now I know why everyone has been so quiet about it. #Disappointed :-p
Our town was all in a buzz about the total solar eclipse on August 21 2017. We had a Solarfest and everything! There were carnival rides, the kids were let out of school, there was a parade, a craft fair, lots of events were going on all over town... We even went to some of them. I mean, it was a huge deal! And after it ended, there was much talk and excitement for the second eclipse coming two years later in 2019.
Well now 2019 is here, and I've been trying to find out information about it, because it's already March, and no one has made a peep about it at all. So I decided to try and look it up online, but it seems to have mysteriously vanished! I can find information about a solar eclipse for 2019, but it's nowhere near our area. It's actually in South America:
And when I look at the list of eclipses in my area of the world, it only lists 2017, with nothing for 2019, with the next eclipse not happening until 2054! I'll be 62, if I'm even still alive by then!
I'm so conflicted... If the eclipse wasn't going to happen in our area, why were they getting hyped up for it? I was genuinely looking forward to this. Did they not realize it wasn't going to cross over us at the time? So I guess now I know why everyone has been so quiet about it. #Disappointed :-p
Thursday, March 7, 2019
Wigs With Bangs
I prefer wigs with bangs. When it doesn't have bangs, the seam shows, as you can see with the last wig I tried out, in this photo here:
So that's why I covered it up with a hood, which you can see in the blog I wrote about starting a wig collection, here: https://themultimom.blogspot.com/2019/03/im-starting-wig-collection.html
That is why I prefer wigs with bangs. I can cover up the seam and it looks more natural. Here is black wig with accessories that I tried on recently:
So that's why I covered it up with a hood, which you can see in the blog I wrote about starting a wig collection, here: https://themultimom.blogspot.com/2019/03/im-starting-wig-collection.html
That is why I prefer wigs with bangs. I can cover up the seam and it looks more natural. Here is black wig with accessories that I tried on recently:
Wednesday, March 6, 2019
Income Tax Season
Every year when we file our taxes, we usually get enough back on income tax to indulge ourselves by going to a nice restaurant. To me, that is a place called 15 West here in our town. They are pretty pricey, but I love their food. But that is why we only get to go there a couple of times through the year.
Here is me and Tricity from our night out, and then here is my dinner. I had whiskey baked apples on a boneless grilled chicken breast, with white cheddar mashed potatoes, and garlic green beans.
Here is me and Tricity from our night out, and then here is my dinner. I had whiskey baked apples on a boneless grilled chicken breast, with white cheddar mashed potatoes, and garlic green beans.
Sunday, March 3, 2019
What a Great Movie Really Is
A great movie is socially defined as a movie that has won the most awards. Or a great actor is defined by how many awards they win. Or what kind of awards they win. Some award shows are seen as being more elite than others, and just because some stuffy men and women in stylish suits back up a certain movie or make certain claims about a particular movie - that doesn't mean that movie is the best movie ever. I've known plenty of great movies and great actors who have not gotten the recognition that they deserved, or whom it has taken a long time to get it.
I'll tell you what REALLY makes a good movie. A good movie is one that affected you enough when you were growing up, and now that it's about 20 years later, it makes you think - wow, I really want to share that movie with my kids! And then your kids watch it and they say "That was actually a pretty good movie!" THAT is when you know that the movie was pretty great.
I did that recently with Tricity. I got her to watch Galaxy Quest and The Fifth Element, and she got into them and really enjoyed them. She said they were both awesome movies.
I'll tell you what REALLY makes a good movie. A good movie is one that affected you enough when you were growing up, and now that it's about 20 years later, it makes you think - wow, I really want to share that movie with my kids! And then your kids watch it and they say "That was actually a pretty good movie!" THAT is when you know that the movie was pretty great.
I did that recently with Tricity. I got her to watch Galaxy Quest and The Fifth Element, and she got into them and really enjoyed them. She said they were both awesome movies.
And then I thought I would share a few more with her, even though I wasn't sure if she would get into them or not. The Craft had more mature situations, but she said she was still interested in watching it after I had her sit through the first ten minutes. And then there was Mortal Kombat, which I wasn't sure if she was going to get into it because it was a lot of fighting, but once again, once she started watching it, she got into it and wanted to finish watching the movie.
I'm pretty sure these movies weren't recognized as being great by any award standards, but they stuck with me over the years as being some of my favorite movies, and after showing my daughter - the fact that she likes them got me thinking about how great these movies really are. It doesn't take awards or big-named actors to make a movie great. Some movies are just great on their own.
Saturday, March 2, 2019
I'm Starting a Wig Collection
I've always had a thing for wigs and dressing up, and now that I found the Wish app, I've decided to start buying up some different kinds of wigs. This way, if me or Tricity ever need wigs for cosplay, or if I want to get photos with my hair in random styles or colors, or if I ever get cancer and lose all of my hair, I'll have different wigs to use.
Here's a few photos I took using a strawberry-brown colored wig. Me and Tricity agree that the color looks like it would work well for Monika from Doki Doki Literature Club, but I don't plan on dressing as her any time soon :-p You can click on these for a larger view:
And then here's one I put a Snapchat filter on, which made it look like I have purple hair. I gotta say - I'd look AMAZING with purple hair!
Here's a few photos I took using a strawberry-brown colored wig. Me and Tricity agree that the color looks like it would work well for Monika from Doki Doki Literature Club, but I don't plan on dressing as her any time soon :-p You can click on these for a larger view:
And then here's one I put a Snapchat filter on, which made it look like I have purple hair. I gotta say - I'd look AMAZING with purple hair!
Note: In some pictures, my nose ring is either on the left or right side. It changes places because of the camera that I am using, and the filters. Sometimes it acts as a mirror, and sometimes it shows everything accurately. I guess I could have flipped the pictures so everything would be right, but I didn't think about it at the time and I'm not going to bother with it now.
Friday, March 1, 2019
I Pierced My Nose (Again)
So when I was about 19, I was going through a goth phase and my best friend Tahnee spent the night with me as I decided to pierce my own nose. I used one of these disposable u-shaped ear piercers that were mean to be for your ears, but I used it on my nose.
I numbed it up with Orajel and ice, and then did it. You can almost see it in this picture on the left side that she took of me when I was in class and bending backwards at my desk to look at her.
The problem I had though, was using a earring for a nose ring. I was always catching it on things, the earring back piece was always so bulky in my nose, I was having to clean it constantly, and when I was sick, it was a hassle to try and blow my nose with it in. Eventually it closed up because my job wouldn't let me wear it and I didn't have any clear retainers to wear in it's place. Many moons have passed since then.
Now about 15 years later, I have discovered this app called Wish, and they showed some disposable ear piercing kits. My gears started rolling and I was feeling nostalgic, and decided to look for one that can do nose piercings. This time I was going to do it right! So then to my surprise, I actually found one.
So I decided to use the numbing cream I had bought for my tattoo kit and I left it on my nose for about an hour. My nose was so numb that I couldn't feel it after I cleaned the cream off. It was so weird... and it took a couple of hours to fully get the feeling back in my nose, but I'm so glad I used it because over the years, I have become a sissy when having to deal with pain, so it was nice to barely have to feel anything! My only worry was that it wasn't hypoallergenic, but I haven't been itchy and it doesn't seem to be infected, so that's great!
I tried to do it in the same spot where my old one was, but I guess because of my nerves, it didn't place exactly where I wanted it... But it still looks pretty nice! Here is the first photo I took the next day after doing it:
I was actually just trying to sneak a photo of Tricity, but when I looked at the photo, I realized it was the first picture with my new piercing. I wonder if she truly understands just how much I love her?
The problem I had though, was using a earring for a nose ring. I was always catching it on things, the earring back piece was always so bulky in my nose, I was having to clean it constantly, and when I was sick, it was a hassle to try and blow my nose with it in. Eventually it closed up because my job wouldn't let me wear it and I didn't have any clear retainers to wear in it's place. Many moons have passed since then.
Now about 15 years later, I have discovered this app called Wish, and they showed some disposable ear piercing kits. My gears started rolling and I was feeling nostalgic, and decided to look for one that can do nose piercings. This time I was going to do it right! So then to my surprise, I actually found one.
So I decided to use the numbing cream I had bought for my tattoo kit and I left it on my nose for about an hour. My nose was so numb that I couldn't feel it after I cleaned the cream off. It was so weird... and it took a couple of hours to fully get the feeling back in my nose, but I'm so glad I used it because over the years, I have become a sissy when having to deal with pain, so it was nice to barely have to feel anything! My only worry was that it wasn't hypoallergenic, but I haven't been itchy and it doesn't seem to be infected, so that's great!
I tried to do it in the same spot where my old one was, but I guess because of my nerves, it didn't place exactly where I wanted it... But it still looks pretty nice! Here is the first photo I took the next day after doing it:
I was actually just trying to sneak a photo of Tricity, but when I looked at the photo, I realized it was the first picture with my new piercing. I wonder if she truly understands just how much I love her?
♥
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