The day started off sunny as we hit the road. But as we got closer, and during the service, it became overcast. It's like because we were sad, the sky reflected our mood by covering up the sun, making it more gloomy. And it was like Tahnee was watching out for me because she knows I have skin that burns easily, so she wanted to make sure that I didn't get sunburnt while standing there during the service. At least, that's how I'd like to think about it. And then on the way back home, the sun came back out again.
At first we drove to the Shiloh cemetery, but I didn't think about it when I looked up the directions. They had said it was at the old Shiloh church and not at the new cemetery, so I called her sister and she sent someone out to come get us and show us the way there. It's probably a good thing that someone showed us the way, because it was pretty well out of town with a lot of small roads, and we probably would have gotten lost.
They also had a bagpipe player, who was an elderly gentleman, and I'm not sure if he kept squonking on accident, or if as Adam said, maybe there wasn't a good seal on the bagpipes? But he kept honking during the performance. After he was finished, he marched off, still playing as the sound grew quieter and quieter, and the song was dying out. Literally! It no longer became a song. It was a tangled mess of squeaks and squonks. We couldn't help but to start snicker and laughing, thinking of how Tahnee would have been laughing pretty hard at that. She and I always laughed at those awkward moments. Even after it was all said and done, he kept trying to get it right.
When her sister Magen started pouring her ashes into the ground, that's pretty much when I lost it. I felt like - there she was. That's what it was all summed up to. The last of her Earthly being, put back into the ground. Her physical presence is gone, but her spirit shall live on in all of us. But I'm not ready to say goodbye. I'm still not. I still feel like I'm waiting on her to get online so we can pick right back up where we left off.
We went out to eat at Park-Et afterwards, and all I could think about was how I'm still here and she's not. It doesn't seem right. I'm not going to say it wasn't fair, because I certainly don't want to be in her place. I can't imagine what that would do to Tricity... Not fair is when my Grandpa had several heart attacks and is still alive, but all it took was one heart attack to take my Grandma away from me. It sounds harsh, but this is how I still feel about that situation. With Tahnee, it just feels weird, like when she left, she took a part of me with her, like I've got one foot in the ground and the rest of me here. And I wonder if I'm always going to feel this way?
Her parents had both thanked me for being a good friend and bringing her happiness through all these years, but I still feel like we should have had at least 20 more years together. Hearing that meant so much to me though, because it made me feel like not only were were we as close as we thought we were, but it was evident to everyone else as well. Like it wasn't just something we perceived, but it was validated. I even listed as my partner on Facebook pretty much ever since she got a Facebook account. When I did it, it gave her a good laugh, so she left it that way lol
Some of us threw dirt onto the ashes once she was laid to rest. Me and Tricity did. I must have kept that dirt under my nails for several hours after that. I didn't want to wash it off my hand... I was wanting to stay with her as long as possible. I could have sat there for hours, but we didn't know how to get out of there, so we followed her sister back to town.
Anyway, I'm glad we had some funny memories to look back on for this day, with the bagpipe player. I'm sure she had something to do with it. I know it. She was always trying to make me happy, and that was exactly the kind of thing she would have done. I'd like to think she's looking out for me. Still soul mates even now. ♥
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