It started with my mom and I going down to Perryville, the old place in which we lived, to get our boxes and some extra furniture out of storage. We we had recently moved to a bigger place, and needed our things to fill up the empty spots. Plus, we were tired of doing without all of our things, and we wanted to bring our stuff up to our new place, which was moved about an hour and a half away.
We had left them there in my brother's possession, and he was supposed to get everything moved for us and put into storage, since he was going to be moving out anyway, so that he could move in with his girlfriend (my utter and complete enemy - but let's leave that for a different story...) and he wouldn't have room for our stuff at her place. He was moving with her, because his trailer was getting repossessed. So basically, he was supposed to take EVERYTHING to storage. He KNEW this. He even had plenty of time!
Turns out... He never did. All of my boxes of stuff that I had... all my art... all my objects which held precious memories... all my awards and certificates... all my movies, music and books... all my childhood things, all of my idea books, binders full of information, arts and crafts... all GONE.
I felt like my whole life had been erased. Everything I was before? It no longer existed! All of my personal belongings I had that showed the world what kind of person I was? No more... I wanted to cry so badly, and almost did, but I was worried that my mother would have done something mean to me. She already was yelling at me, telling me to get over it. Basically crushing my feelings, not caring about how I felt. But in truth? I am a material girl. Every object I had, I had for a REASON! I put value to everything I own, mentally. If I didn't like something I owned, chances were, I didn't own it. I had a memory attached to every little thing, right down to a single bead (which was all I had left from the first necklace I had ever made by hand).
Go ahead. Laugh. I know that you're most likely thinking that it's pathetic to keep so attached to petty objects. Go ahead and say that things can be replaced. That's exactly what she said. But what about my memories I had attached to those things? Those AREN'T replaceable! And I have nothing to show for them any more! How am I supposed to trust that they ever happened if I have nothing to show of it? I can't. I can't let go. I just can't! I don't have it in my heart. And I'll NEVER forgive my brother for it.
That is why I wanted to cry. But I couldn't. My brother was with us, and if I had cried, he would have started crying because he's sensitive like that, and then my mom would have been mad at ME. He's always her favorite. Always was, from my viewpoint. But that's another story to tell... Still - he KNEW this was coming. He KNEW he needed to get stuff moved. He KNEW we would be coming to get our stuff! WHY didn't he move things? WHY does he have to be such a procrastinator? WHY did he lie and tell us that he had everything moved, when CLEARLY he didn't? I hope you can hear the screaming and the pain and the HURT in my writing, because in my head, my emotions are doing just that.
So after I had found all of this out, I felt numb. Sort of like... I hadn't existed anymore. Like everything I had to show for my life was no longer in existence, so neither was I. Well, we finally had gotten things moved (the few things of my moms that he ACTUALLY moved), and made our way back home. My brother is staying with us for a few days, and we will take him back home tomorrow.
Luckily, I had just found out that at least SOME of my things were in four of my mom's boxes that were moved, so I have some things still with me. At least I will still have my baby pillow. It's a big cartoon-looking strawberry with a ladybug on it. But I lost my baby blanket... A few books... ALL of my art is gone, but at least I had gotten the good stuff put onto disks before this. Same with my photos. That's about it... Pathetic, huh?
Then we went to the store, and my mother got so mad at me for being indecisive on what kind of eyebrow rings I wanted to get. I wanted the better hoops in which I could use the bigger one as an eyebrow ring and the smaller one as a nose ring, but wanted to wait for the lady to come and unlock the jewelry case. My mom wouldn't let me wait for her, though. That, and she was mad because it was two dollars more. Whoopdy-doo! So I had to stick with the pack of rings in which I won't wear any but one of, because they're all hearts and hook-like hoop-wannabes for ears. I don't care too much for jewelry in my ears. I wear it on my face. And hearts? NOT my style...
So when I got home and got on the computer, I was in a bad mood for the whole night. Even the scrabble game I tried to play kept giving me trouble. It just wasn't my day. Try to blow off some steam by keeping my mind busy, and what do I get? Grief! *shakes head*
Current Mood:
numbCurrent Music: One Step Closer - Linkin Park
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