I LOVE this photo that Tricity took with a Snapchat filter ♥
Tuesday, December 31, 2019
Hellfire
I'll call this one Hellfire, since it's blue like the flames in "The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina" series, or like in the anime "Blue Exorcist".
I LOVE this photo that Tricity took with a Snapchat filter ♥
I LOVE this photo that Tricity took with a Snapchat filter ♥
Friday, September 20, 2019
They Took Her DNA and Gave Me Her Child (Dream)
I dreamed I was back in school again, but I was myself as an adult going back to high school, not a teenager in high school. I remember I was there with the same friends I had back when I was younger, but for some reason, instead of my best friend Tahnee having passed away, it was my friend Samantha.
I don't remember what went on before this main part of the dream, but for some reason, I know they collected our DNA for a science project. Anyway, it was the end of the school year. It was nearly time to graduate, and we were at a banquet to accept our end-of-the-year awards (which I don't think is actually a thing? I don't remember it being a thing when I was in school). We were at a circle-shaped table, and it was the end of the night. The last thing to do was to have the little kids come out and sing. Kind of like how they would do for the Madrigal Dinner shows. They came out in their little white button-up dress shirts and bowties, and they sang a little song about school spirit.
After the show is when things got weird. The little kids were done were dispersing amongst the people, whom were starting to gather themselves to depart for the night. But one little girl came up to me and she tried talking to me, but I could barely understand her. It was almost like baby talk. Then she said "You're my Momma", once again sounding very baby-like. She looked to be about five years old, speaking like a baby. I said "Sorry sweetie, but I only have one daughter. I'd know if I gave birth to anyone else." But she seemed so latched onto me, certain that I was her mother. I looked at the others. "Does she belong to any of you guys?"
Just then, a teacher came up. It was a teacher I had never known in real life. They told us that these kids were created from the DNA that had been gathered earlier in the school year. So it was a possibility that this could have been my child, except - "But I opted out of that. I wasn't here when you guys did that." So there wasn't really a chance that this was my kid after all. I saw other little girls come up to my friends. Tara and Amanda, Amber... all of them had a child. Apparently now the dream had taken a turn to where the human population was dying off, so this was what they had to do to ensure we still thriving.
Wait a minute, I thought. Samantha was alive when they took the DNA samples. Possibilities went through my mind. Was this maybe her child? And because she passed away, and I wasn't there on the day they took it, did she maybe arrange to leave this child in my care? I asked the teacher about the girl. I told her that she seemed to be lost, but he said "No, it says right here." He pointed at a clipboard and showed me. It had her name, I forgot what the name said, but I think it was something like "Abigail Smith" to be left in the care of me.
I felt heartbroken. Samantha was no longer with us, but here was her daughter. It was like her way of still being with us, even though she was gone. She had something to pass onto this world. It was so sweet! I started crying. Apparently I started crying in my sleep because Tricity woke me up to make sure I was okay. Then I was up for the day.
I don't remember what went on before this main part of the dream, but for some reason, I know they collected our DNA for a science project. Anyway, it was the end of the school year. It was nearly time to graduate, and we were at a banquet to accept our end-of-the-year awards (which I don't think is actually a thing? I don't remember it being a thing when I was in school). We were at a circle-shaped table, and it was the end of the night. The last thing to do was to have the little kids come out and sing. Kind of like how they would do for the Madrigal Dinner shows. They came out in their little white button-up dress shirts and bowties, and they sang a little song about school spirit.
After the show is when things got weird. The little kids were done were dispersing amongst the people, whom were starting to gather themselves to depart for the night. But one little girl came up to me and she tried talking to me, but I could barely understand her. It was almost like baby talk. Then she said "You're my Momma", once again sounding very baby-like. She looked to be about five years old, speaking like a baby. I said "Sorry sweetie, but I only have one daughter. I'd know if I gave birth to anyone else." But she seemed so latched onto me, certain that I was her mother. I looked at the others. "Does she belong to any of you guys?"
Just then, a teacher came up. It was a teacher I had never known in real life. They told us that these kids were created from the DNA that had been gathered earlier in the school year. So it was a possibility that this could have been my child, except - "But I opted out of that. I wasn't here when you guys did that." So there wasn't really a chance that this was my kid after all. I saw other little girls come up to my friends. Tara and Amanda, Amber... all of them had a child. Apparently now the dream had taken a turn to where the human population was dying off, so this was what they had to do to ensure we still thriving.
Wait a minute, I thought. Samantha was alive when they took the DNA samples. Possibilities went through my mind. Was this maybe her child? And because she passed away, and I wasn't there on the day they took it, did she maybe arrange to leave this child in my care? I asked the teacher about the girl. I told her that she seemed to be lost, but he said "No, it says right here." He pointed at a clipboard and showed me. It had her name, I forgot what the name said, but I think it was something like "Abigail Smith" to be left in the care of me.
I felt heartbroken. Samantha was no longer with us, but here was her daughter. It was like her way of still being with us, even though she was gone. She had something to pass onto this world. It was so sweet! I started crying. Apparently I started crying in my sleep because Tricity woke me up to make sure I was okay. Then I was up for the day.
Wednesday, July 17, 2019
Back to Life (Dream)
In this dream, it started out with me looking on Facebook and seeing a message from Tahnee's Mom letting me know that everyone would be meeting up for a family get-together, and they wanted to invite me in honor of Tahnee. I went and met up with her Mom, Dad, sister Magen, and brother Brian. They were out in a field with a truck and they were picking corn. I greeted everyone with hugs, and joined them while we talked about the memories we shared with her.
There was this orange cat that was hanging around, and it seemed like it was purposefully trying to get us to notice it. It had slinked around between our feet, and now it was in the bag of corn that was beside the truck. I petted it and somehow, it had changed into a person that looked a lot like Tahnee. I thought it was a magic trick. This cat had magic powers! It was able to shape-change into a human! I figured it was still a cat though, because it didn't talk, and it just kind of sat there like a vegetable and watched us.
As I continued to pick corn, I noticed the Tahnee look-alike was starting to move around more, as if she had just learned to use her arms and legs. Not much movement, just a slight shift in position here and there. The more I kept looking over at her, the stronger feeling I got that this wasn't just any magic cat. "I wish you were really my Tahnee." I said to it, and it gave me a look that made me think it understood what I was saying, but it just couldn't find the words to respond. Kind of like Ariel in The Little Mermaid when she lost her voice, but wanted to use her facical expressions to let Prince Erik know how she was feeling.
Something in my gut instincts told me to just come out and ask her. "If you're really my Tahnee, then nod your head yes." And she did! Suddenly my viewpoint shifted and I was one hundred percent certain that this was Tahnee, reborn into the world. She just had to learn how to move and speak all over again, and it didn't take long either. Before I knew it, she started saying words, and then pretty much went straight into having full conversations. But we didn't get to speak much because we were both too busy sobbing and hugging tightly.
I was crying so hard, but I was so, so happy. I had asked her if she could remember anything about what happened in-between, but she said she only remembered not being able to breathe, sitting there paralyzed for a moment, and then everything went black, and the next thing she knew, she was waking up here as a cat. I said "Damn, I was wondering if you were able to tell if there really was a heaven or a hell." Not that it mattered. I was too busy celebrating the fact that she was back. I didn't know why or exactly how, and to be honest - I didn't care to question it. I was just so happy.
After getting love and hugs from her family, we all went back to her parent's house, and me and Tahnee went to her old bedroom so we could hang out and she could get reacquainted with her old things. It seemed like every five minutes, I'd break down and cry again. I cried so much that I could no longer feel tears in my eyes. I felt like I was going through the motions of sobbing, but I was too happy to make any tears. How had I been so lucky to have her back?
I can't remember much else about what happened in the dream, except that at one point, we were talking about some clothes and how she thought I'd like this kind of gothic-looking dress that she had seen, and I felt like - wow... It's like we're picking right back up where we left off and that nothing had changed. She still knew me just as well as before. It was like her death had never happened... So I woke up feeling the determination to be thankful for this life we are given. We only get this one chance. She used to say that the "YOLO" saying was wrong, because it means "You Only Live Once", but she would say that you live every day. You only die once.
I have to admit that I was pretty sad when I woke up and realized that she wasn't actually here, because it felt so real and the dream was so vivid. I could actually feel her in my arms when I was hugging her. I felt the wet of her tears on my shoulder. I wonder what we would do if she ever did come back. I wish I could say that I'd spend every day with her, but I know she would want to be back with James (who strangely enough wasn't even in my dream), and she lived away from all of us. I can't drive, so that made visiting each other hard to do. I just miss her so much and literally think of her every damn day...
There was this orange cat that was hanging around, and it seemed like it was purposefully trying to get us to notice it. It had slinked around between our feet, and now it was in the bag of corn that was beside the truck. I petted it and somehow, it had changed into a person that looked a lot like Tahnee. I thought it was a magic trick. This cat had magic powers! It was able to shape-change into a human! I figured it was still a cat though, because it didn't talk, and it just kind of sat there like a vegetable and watched us.
As I continued to pick corn, I noticed the Tahnee look-alike was starting to move around more, as if she had just learned to use her arms and legs. Not much movement, just a slight shift in position here and there. The more I kept looking over at her, the stronger feeling I got that this wasn't just any magic cat. "I wish you were really my Tahnee." I said to it, and it gave me a look that made me think it understood what I was saying, but it just couldn't find the words to respond. Kind of like Ariel in The Little Mermaid when she lost her voice, but wanted to use her facical expressions to let Prince Erik know how she was feeling.
Something in my gut instincts told me to just come out and ask her. "If you're really my Tahnee, then nod your head yes." And she did! Suddenly my viewpoint shifted and I was one hundred percent certain that this was Tahnee, reborn into the world. She just had to learn how to move and speak all over again, and it didn't take long either. Before I knew it, she started saying words, and then pretty much went straight into having full conversations. But we didn't get to speak much because we were both too busy sobbing and hugging tightly.
I was crying so hard, but I was so, so happy. I had asked her if she could remember anything about what happened in-between, but she said she only remembered not being able to breathe, sitting there paralyzed for a moment, and then everything went black, and the next thing she knew, she was waking up here as a cat. I said "Damn, I was wondering if you were able to tell if there really was a heaven or a hell." Not that it mattered. I was too busy celebrating the fact that she was back. I didn't know why or exactly how, and to be honest - I didn't care to question it. I was just so happy.
After getting love and hugs from her family, we all went back to her parent's house, and me and Tahnee went to her old bedroom so we could hang out and she could get reacquainted with her old things. It seemed like every five minutes, I'd break down and cry again. I cried so much that I could no longer feel tears in my eyes. I felt like I was going through the motions of sobbing, but I was too happy to make any tears. How had I been so lucky to have her back?
I can't remember much else about what happened in the dream, except that at one point, we were talking about some clothes and how she thought I'd like this kind of gothic-looking dress that she had seen, and I felt like - wow... It's like we're picking right back up where we left off and that nothing had changed. She still knew me just as well as before. It was like her death had never happened... So I woke up feeling the determination to be thankful for this life we are given. We only get this one chance. She used to say that the "YOLO" saying was wrong, because it means "You Only Live Once", but she would say that you live every day. You only die once.
I have to admit that I was pretty sad when I woke up and realized that she wasn't actually here, because it felt so real and the dream was so vivid. I could actually feel her in my arms when I was hugging her. I felt the wet of her tears on my shoulder. I wonder what we would do if she ever did come back. I wish I could say that I'd spend every day with her, but I know she would want to be back with James (who strangely enough wasn't even in my dream), and she lived away from all of us. I can't drive, so that made visiting each other hard to do. I just miss her so much and literally think of her every damn day...
Monday, May 27, 2019
Linkin Park's Guest of Honor (Dream)
My dream started off in a school, but it wasn't like any school you would expect. It was a dreamer's school, meaning when you went to sleep and had dreams in real life about school, this was the school everyone went to when they dreamed. What if that were really a thing? How some people dream about being back at school, but it's actually a collaborative place where we all go to when we're dreaming about it? And the students you don't know are actually other people who are dreaming? Anyway...
My friend Rose was there, whom I hadn't seen since grade school, before I left in the 5th grade. She used to do this thing where she would bring some little toys from home and we could buy them for a quarter, fifty cents, a dollar... In my dream, she was doing the same thing, but I didn't have money with me.
All I can really remember about the school is that there was an assignment that had to be done, and the winner of the assignment would get to meet the bad at an upcoming concert. I never really did my homework, but I was really excited to do this assignment because I wanted to be the one who got picked. However, I had to go to the bathroom really bad but the bathroom was so dirty and disgusting. It took me a long time in the bathroom because I was trying to cover up the seat so I didn't get any of the nastiness on me, and then students kept coming in and out, making me nervous, and the door didn't have a lock on it, so I was trying to time it right so no one would be trying to open my door while I was going.
I took so long in the bathroom that by the time I was finished, the bell had already rang and class was over. I thought I had missed out on the assignment because the teacher wasn't able to give it to me, but when I saw Rose in the hallway, she said she had collected it for me and put it at the top of my locker. Now everyone was going to recess and lunch.
I guess some time had passed because as I was walking the hallways of the school, especially this long open hallway with big windows like we had between the middle school and elementary like we did when I went to Red Bud, the teacher had stopped me. She looked like this English teacher I had in 8th grade, which was at a completely different school in real life. I can't remember her name though... Anyway, she stopped me to tell me congratulations, that I had won. I would be the special guest of honor to attend the concert and meet the band afterwards.
So now it was suddenly the night of the concert, and it was dark out but the lights were shining so bright all around me. I remember trying to work my way through the crowd to the stage because I wanted to see who I would be meeting. I could hear U2 music. Usually that's who I would dream about if I were seeing a concert, because they were always my favorite band when I was growing up. I remember thinking to myself - hmm... I've met U2 before in my dreams, but it's okay. I don't mind hanging out with them again. It's been a while.
However, as I reached the stage, the announcer said it was now time for the contest winner to come up and meet the band. I got up on the stage, and then the announcer announced that it was Linkin Park that I was going to be hanging out with. The crowd went wild and they came out and began singing "Burn It Down". I just got to stand there, better than any front row seat, and watch them perform it.
After they did a few songs, which I didn't get to hear or watch in my dream because time passed, it was now time to hang out with the band and ride some rides. We went on one that was kind of like a haunted hay ride, only it was a roller coaster. I'm not sure how to explain it. Like - it was creepy and slow, but we were in a roller coaster on a track. Since I was the guest of honor, I got to sit in front, Chester was behind me and Mike was next to him, and then there were the other bandmates behind them, as well as some other girls they were hanging out with.
As we got to some scary parts of the ride, I could hear the girls scream and giggle. I was sitting sideways in my seat so I could still interact with Chester without him having to look at the back of my head the whole time. We started climbing up this very steep hill, and it seemed to be endless. The higher we got, the more anxious everyone in the cart was getting about the big drop ahead. Even the guys were getting a little nervous. I took Chester's hand, and held onto his index finger the way a child would with their parent.
That must have seemed like an intimate gesture to him, because while everyone else was distracted, he told me with much sincerity to be careful with what I do, because I didn't know depths of which his mind was capable of. Basically, he was trying to say - don't try to flirt or start getting intimate because he was desperate for someone to love him, but he had a lot of issues and inner demons, and he was trying to warn me of it because if I were to get involved with him, I'd have to get involved with his demons as well. I thought to myself - Dude... you killed yourself in real life, I'm pretty sure I know what kind of demons you're suffering from right now. And with that, I held his hand tighter to let him that I accepted whatever may happen, and I was here for him. I leaned in, gave him a kiss on the cheek, told him it would be okay, and then we reached the top of the roller coaster.
It teetered on the highest point for a moment and everyone went completely silent. It was at that moment that I felt arms reach around me from behind and that extra weight on my side of the roller coaster caused it to finally budge forward, and we descended into darkness down the very steep drop. Everything went black and that's all I could remember of the dream. All I know is that I was so happy because I knew he had hugged me and it made me feel warm and fuzzy. It's like - I knew he had issues, and I was willing to accept them, and because of that, he accepted me. Very sweet!
My friend Rose was there, whom I hadn't seen since grade school, before I left in the 5th grade. She used to do this thing where she would bring some little toys from home and we could buy them for a quarter, fifty cents, a dollar... In my dream, she was doing the same thing, but I didn't have money with me.
All I can really remember about the school is that there was an assignment that had to be done, and the winner of the assignment would get to meet the bad at an upcoming concert. I never really did my homework, but I was really excited to do this assignment because I wanted to be the one who got picked. However, I had to go to the bathroom really bad but the bathroom was so dirty and disgusting. It took me a long time in the bathroom because I was trying to cover up the seat so I didn't get any of the nastiness on me, and then students kept coming in and out, making me nervous, and the door didn't have a lock on it, so I was trying to time it right so no one would be trying to open my door while I was going.
I took so long in the bathroom that by the time I was finished, the bell had already rang and class was over. I thought I had missed out on the assignment because the teacher wasn't able to give it to me, but when I saw Rose in the hallway, she said she had collected it for me and put it at the top of my locker. Now everyone was going to recess and lunch.
I guess some time had passed because as I was walking the hallways of the school, especially this long open hallway with big windows like we had between the middle school and elementary like we did when I went to Red Bud, the teacher had stopped me. She looked like this English teacher I had in 8th grade, which was at a completely different school in real life. I can't remember her name though... Anyway, she stopped me to tell me congratulations, that I had won. I would be the special guest of honor to attend the concert and meet the band afterwards.
So now it was suddenly the night of the concert, and it was dark out but the lights were shining so bright all around me. I remember trying to work my way through the crowd to the stage because I wanted to see who I would be meeting. I could hear U2 music. Usually that's who I would dream about if I were seeing a concert, because they were always my favorite band when I was growing up. I remember thinking to myself - hmm... I've met U2 before in my dreams, but it's okay. I don't mind hanging out with them again. It's been a while.
However, as I reached the stage, the announcer said it was now time for the contest winner to come up and meet the band. I got up on the stage, and then the announcer announced that it was Linkin Park that I was going to be hanging out with. The crowd went wild and they came out and began singing "Burn It Down". I just got to stand there, better than any front row seat, and watch them perform it.
After they did a few songs, which I didn't get to hear or watch in my dream because time passed, it was now time to hang out with the band and ride some rides. We went on one that was kind of like a haunted hay ride, only it was a roller coaster. I'm not sure how to explain it. Like - it was creepy and slow, but we were in a roller coaster on a track. Since I was the guest of honor, I got to sit in front, Chester was behind me and Mike was next to him, and then there were the other bandmates behind them, as well as some other girls they were hanging out with.
As we got to some scary parts of the ride, I could hear the girls scream and giggle. I was sitting sideways in my seat so I could still interact with Chester without him having to look at the back of my head the whole time. We started climbing up this very steep hill, and it seemed to be endless. The higher we got, the more anxious everyone in the cart was getting about the big drop ahead. Even the guys were getting a little nervous. I took Chester's hand, and held onto his index finger the way a child would with their parent.
That must have seemed like an intimate gesture to him, because while everyone else was distracted, he told me with much sincerity to be careful with what I do, because I didn't know depths of which his mind was capable of. Basically, he was trying to say - don't try to flirt or start getting intimate because he was desperate for someone to love him, but he had a lot of issues and inner demons, and he was trying to warn me of it because if I were to get involved with him, I'd have to get involved with his demons as well. I thought to myself - Dude... you killed yourself in real life, I'm pretty sure I know what kind of demons you're suffering from right now. And with that, I held his hand tighter to let him that I accepted whatever may happen, and I was here for him. I leaned in, gave him a kiss on the cheek, told him it would be okay, and then we reached the top of the roller coaster.
It teetered on the highest point for a moment and everyone went completely silent. It was at that moment that I felt arms reach around me from behind and that extra weight on my side of the roller coaster caused it to finally budge forward, and we descended into darkness down the very steep drop. Everything went black and that's all I could remember of the dream. All I know is that I was so happy because I knew he had hugged me and it made me feel warm and fuzzy. It's like - I knew he had issues, and I was willing to accept them, and because of that, he accepted me. Very sweet!
Wednesday, May 8, 2019
I Was Kidnapped! (Dream)
The dream started off as something completely different. At first I was in a movie theater, and everyone was wearing costumes. Every time I would see a costume I liked, all I had to do was think about it, and I would be wearing something like it, but in my own personal style.
I did this a few times before the scene shifted in my dream and I was now a mermaid, but instead of being in the theater, I was on a beach with my momma mermaid. I was about 17 in this dream. We had gotten washed up on the sand and were struggling to get back in the water, but then these creeps came and saw us. They talked about how they could get a lot of money for mermaids, but even more money for a pregnant one, so one of them impregnated me (as weird as that is to write). My momma mermaid was yelling at them to stop as they held her down and told them to take her, not me, but they carried me off and that was the last I had seen of her.
The scene shifted again and now I was now in an old barn home, and I had legs. The baby had been born since then, and was about a year old. I was carrying it around with me while I did chores. Apparently I was being held captive in this home with a bunch of hillbilly kidnappers, forced to have their children and take care of their home. But it was at that moment that I realized I had a cell phone with me.
I would have to play it cool, not wanting to raise any suspicions. I would continue to do my chores as normal, but as soon as I had a moment (which was almost impossible as I was constantly being watched), I would try to get a message out and send a text to my Mom. My real-life Mom, not my mermaid mom. So I finished my chores for the day, put the baby down to sleep, and went to bed.
It was like I didn't realize what had gone on these past couple of years, because when I went to bed, there was a man laying there. I guess he was my mate? I wouldn't say he was my partner because that usually meant both parties were willing to partake. And I definitely wouldn't have called him my lover because I had no love for this stranger. But he was waiting for me to climb into bed, which I had done as I was expected. I turned over on my side facing the window of the bedroom, and pretended to go to sleep while I waited for him to fall asleep first.
When I thought he was out, I pulled the phone out, which I had been hiding between my boobs. The light was bright though, so I tried to cover it up as best as I could while logging onto my facebook page so that I could text my Mom. I had almost gotten the message done when he started to stir. I hid the phone, but it was too late. He knew something was up and asked what I was doing. I told him I was trying to look up a recipe, while trying to hit send on the message. Even part of a message would be better than sending her no message at all. I believe it was supposed to say "Mom, I've been kidnapped, I'm at [whatever address it was], please come get me".
He yanked the phone away from me, saw the message, and started to raise hell. This caused the others in the house to come bursting through the door. I knew they were really going to punish me for it, and I wasn't even sure if the message got through or not, but I know I needed to survive, so I busted through the window and ran. And ran. And ran! But not before they shot at me. Since I was pretty far off and trying to dodge any bullets, they hit me, but it wasn't enough to take me down.
I ran to the place where I thought my Mom might come looking for me, which was the beach where I had been taken before. When I got there, they caught up with me, and one of them managed to stab me. I don't really remember much of what happened after this since I had to get up and get Tricity's lunch ready for her field trip today. What a weird dream though!
Friday, May 3, 2019
Is Robert Downy Jr. OK? (Dream)
So this dream started off with me getting to watch Avengers: Endgame, but instead of watching the movie, I was actually interacting with the movie, and it wasn't actually like the movie at all. But as dream logic will do, this is just the way it was. And I wasn't myself in this dream, I was my superhero version of myself, Tricity (whom I named my daughter after).
In this reality, I was in a relationship with Tony Stark, as we all know as Iron Man. I have no idea where Pepper was. He and her weren't together in this dream. She was gone a long time ago. We had a flirty hot thing going on. He was all snarky and sarcastic, and I was able to take what he had thrown at me and fire it right back, so just when he thought he would say something to take me off guard, I'd turn the table and sweep him off his feet. And that was our thing, and it was amazing. And because of that, I got to know him in a way no one else did.
Where we were different is that where he tended to keep things light and aloof, I was very deep and intense, and he loved that about me. I admired how easily he seemed to brush people off, but how he made sure to let me know I mattered, and he loved how I could be so interactive and involved with everyone, but tried not to be so clingy with him, even though he knew how I wanted to spend every moment with just him.
It was sometimes hard to do though, because he was Iron Man after all, and he was fighting this Infinity War, trying to save the world, and I was off doing my thing with the X-Men, because that's who I was, and it obviously doesn't seem like the X-Men were involved in his huge Marvel event :-p So while I was off doing things with my team, he was off doing things with his, and we would try to meet up when we could somewhere in the middle.
The most amazing part of my dream was being able to fly! It always takes me a few tries in my dream though. I guess because my dreams are like - hell yeah, let's fly! But my mind that is still attached to reality is like - whoa, wait a minute, you cant just do that. So I have to concentrate really hard and jump into the air a couple of times, and then bam! I'm flying :-D
There came a sad point in my dream, though. I don't exactly remember why, but we ended up deciding to take a break from each other. As terrible as it was - I just remember telling myself that this was the way it was mean to be, because that's how the movie was supposed to go. Maybe it was because we were both so busy all the time? Or maybe he didn't want me to end up getting hurt if something happened to him during this war? But I wanted to still be there for him, so while he was off doing his thing, I had kept tabs on him. Luckily I had a piece of one his shattered helmets that had enabled me to track his location. It was red and metallic and all scratched up, so there were shiny scratches of silver underneath that would sparkle when they would catch the light. When I'd get to missing him, I would sit there with this piece of helmet, and I would rock it back and forth in the dim light to see it shine.
There came a point when the X-Men got into a battle, and as it often happened to do, the X-Mansion was getting destroyed again. Walls were left half standing, half in rubble. Smoke and fire filled the scene. Things were looking pretty bad and Iron Man must have gotten word of it, because he ended up showing up. I was busy fighting, so I only knew he had come here since I could recognize his voice nearby. He was in the lab, which was half torn down, and I was standing on the other side of the wall.
I pressed myself flat against the bricks so that I could hear what he was saying. I could hear him asking about me. And by his choice of words, I could also tell that he missed me. The person he was speaking to told them that they didn't know where I was at the moment, but they would relay the message. Tony told them not to say anything though, and I knew he didn't want me to know he was trying to look out for me, so when they were done talking and I heard his footsteps coming towards my direction, I tried to fly away so he wouldn't know I was there.
It was hard to fly though. As I said, when I try to fly in my dreams, it takes a couple of attempts, but I managed to get high enough to float above the doorway, hoping he wouldn't see me. I remember him coming out the door and I was looking down on him, and then there was an explosion, but I'm not sure what happened after that, because I supposedly "woke up" in my dream.
I wasn't actually awake though, I was still dreaming, but the "real" me was instantly worried, thinking - is Robert Downy Jr. okay? Because now I had it in my head that what happened to us as superheroes was his last scene in the movie, and he hadn't been heard from since then. So I started searching google on my phone and on the computer, trying to see if he was alright. For some reason, dream me thought the explosion really happened and the people involved with the movie were trying to cover it up.
Eventually I woke up when I got frustrated enough with constantly looking on the search engines, and I knew it was all just a dream, and it was silly of me to think something happened to him when hes clearly been on social media posting about the new movie... But I still couldn't help but to double check, just to be sure ;-) lol
In this reality, I was in a relationship with Tony Stark, as we all know as Iron Man. I have no idea where Pepper was. He and her weren't together in this dream. She was gone a long time ago. We had a flirty hot thing going on. He was all snarky and sarcastic, and I was able to take what he had thrown at me and fire it right back, so just when he thought he would say something to take me off guard, I'd turn the table and sweep him off his feet. And that was our thing, and it was amazing. And because of that, I got to know him in a way no one else did.
Where we were different is that where he tended to keep things light and aloof, I was very deep and intense, and he loved that about me. I admired how easily he seemed to brush people off, but how he made sure to let me know I mattered, and he loved how I could be so interactive and involved with everyone, but tried not to be so clingy with him, even though he knew how I wanted to spend every moment with just him.
It was sometimes hard to do though, because he was Iron Man after all, and he was fighting this Infinity War, trying to save the world, and I was off doing my thing with the X-Men, because that's who I was, and it obviously doesn't seem like the X-Men were involved in his huge Marvel event :-p So while I was off doing things with my team, he was off doing things with his, and we would try to meet up when we could somewhere in the middle.
The most amazing part of my dream was being able to fly! It always takes me a few tries in my dream though. I guess because my dreams are like - hell yeah, let's fly! But my mind that is still attached to reality is like - whoa, wait a minute, you cant just do that. So I have to concentrate really hard and jump into the air a couple of times, and then bam! I'm flying :-D
There came a sad point in my dream, though. I don't exactly remember why, but we ended up deciding to take a break from each other. As terrible as it was - I just remember telling myself that this was the way it was mean to be, because that's how the movie was supposed to go. Maybe it was because we were both so busy all the time? Or maybe he didn't want me to end up getting hurt if something happened to him during this war? But I wanted to still be there for him, so while he was off doing his thing, I had kept tabs on him. Luckily I had a piece of one his shattered helmets that had enabled me to track his location. It was red and metallic and all scratched up, so there were shiny scratches of silver underneath that would sparkle when they would catch the light. When I'd get to missing him, I would sit there with this piece of helmet, and I would rock it back and forth in the dim light to see it shine.
There came a point when the X-Men got into a battle, and as it often happened to do, the X-Mansion was getting destroyed again. Walls were left half standing, half in rubble. Smoke and fire filled the scene. Things were looking pretty bad and Iron Man must have gotten word of it, because he ended up showing up. I was busy fighting, so I only knew he had come here since I could recognize his voice nearby. He was in the lab, which was half torn down, and I was standing on the other side of the wall.
I pressed myself flat against the bricks so that I could hear what he was saying. I could hear him asking about me. And by his choice of words, I could also tell that he missed me. The person he was speaking to told them that they didn't know where I was at the moment, but they would relay the message. Tony told them not to say anything though, and I knew he didn't want me to know he was trying to look out for me, so when they were done talking and I heard his footsteps coming towards my direction, I tried to fly away so he wouldn't know I was there.
It was hard to fly though. As I said, when I try to fly in my dreams, it takes a couple of attempts, but I managed to get high enough to float above the doorway, hoping he wouldn't see me. I remember him coming out the door and I was looking down on him, and then there was an explosion, but I'm not sure what happened after that, because I supposedly "woke up" in my dream.
I wasn't actually awake though, I was still dreaming, but the "real" me was instantly worried, thinking - is Robert Downy Jr. okay? Because now I had it in my head that what happened to us as superheroes was his last scene in the movie, and he hadn't been heard from since then. So I started searching google on my phone and on the computer, trying to see if he was alright. For some reason, dream me thought the explosion really happened and the people involved with the movie were trying to cover it up.
Eventually I woke up when I got frustrated enough with constantly looking on the search engines, and I knew it was all just a dream, and it was silly of me to think something happened to him when hes clearly been on social media posting about the new movie... But I still couldn't help but to double check, just to be sure ;-) lol
Saturday, April 27, 2019
Gooey Butter Cake
Dear Tahnee,
I had a moment today...
Some days are so hard on me. You'll be all that I can think about. I think about how it's not fair that you were taken so young. It's not fair how you didn't get to follow your dreams and have your winery and children of your own. It's not fair that James has to be without his wife, the one who was probably the most perfect person for him. It's not fair that your parents had to lose their youngest child when you so often worried about losing them first.
I think about how I can't go to you any more when I'm feeling blue or I want to share something that I think only you would appreciate. How you're no longer there to help me feel better and brush it off when Adam and I are arguing. How you won't be around to give me the confidence that you always gave me when I didn't think I was good enough or worthy enough. To give me facts and logical suggestions when I start going off on another one of my crazy ideas, and how to make it happen.
But some days I can manage...
Today was one of those days. I was doing good for the most part until we went out to eat tonight and Adam was in a mood. 15 West - the fancy restaurant me and Tricity like to treat ourselves to, was no longer serving his preferred dish, so he threw a fit by protesting to eat. So as I usually do, I tried to lighten the mood by trying to make him laugh. But he wouldn't laugh...
It made me think about you and how I loved the feeling I got when I was able to make you laugh. Sometimes because I would try on purpose, but most often by mistake. But it was always a great feeling, making you laugh. But he never laughs... It made me miss you even more than before.
It was at that moment when Tricity got a cold chill and she shivered. I hadn't thought anything about it until after we were done and we were about to leave. We were just waiting on the waitress to bring us our check. Then I decided to look over at the desert menu to see what kind of "house made" deserts they had. That's when I saw it...
"Gooey Butter Cake". Instantly I thought about you and the story you told me about Magen and how she messed up the gooey butter cake one night and didn't remember it the next day. I had never even heard of gooey butter cake until you told me about it. Hell, I still don't even know what it is! But I know the name of it, and when I saw that...
Then Tricity gasped. Before I could fully understand the reason why, she explained about how I was just talking about you and we were missing you. Then she got a cold chill, and then I saw that sign. People say when a spirit is around you, the temperature drops. I know you never believed in spirits other than rum, vodka, and tequila, but I always watched Ghost Adventures, and I believe that is why Tricity got the cold chill. I know you were there.
And even now as I write this, I am convinced now more than ever that everything happens for a reason, even though we never know why that reason may be until it happens. My mind is blown, thinking about how there was a reason why Magen tried making that cake, and why she couldn't remember it the next day. It was so that you could tell me the story, and I could relate to this happening after your passing, so that I would know you're with me, because you know how I am always questioning if what I think is happening is really what is true or not.
I miss you, I love you, and I know you miss me and love me too. ♥
So here's just a few photos from tonight. Here is Tricity's pizza, and Adam with his tea, and my food. I started out with this crab and spinach bisque that I love so much. (I WILL find out how to make this at home and I will make a bunch and freeze it until it's ready to be eaten! lol) And then I got chicken parmesan with penne noodles. It was pretty good! And even though Adam was pouty, I gave him some of my chicken and he had a piece of Tricity's pizza :-p And then of course I had to take a picture of the "Gooey Butter Cake" sign.
I had a moment today...
Some days are so hard on me. You'll be all that I can think about. I think about how it's not fair that you were taken so young. It's not fair how you didn't get to follow your dreams and have your winery and children of your own. It's not fair that James has to be without his wife, the one who was probably the most perfect person for him. It's not fair that your parents had to lose their youngest child when you so often worried about losing them first.
I think about how I can't go to you any more when I'm feeling blue or I want to share something that I think only you would appreciate. How you're no longer there to help me feel better and brush it off when Adam and I are arguing. How you won't be around to give me the confidence that you always gave me when I didn't think I was good enough or worthy enough. To give me facts and logical suggestions when I start going off on another one of my crazy ideas, and how to make it happen.
But some days I can manage...
Today was one of those days. I was doing good for the most part until we went out to eat tonight and Adam was in a mood. 15 West - the fancy restaurant me and Tricity like to treat ourselves to, was no longer serving his preferred dish, so he threw a fit by protesting to eat. So as I usually do, I tried to lighten the mood by trying to make him laugh. But he wouldn't laugh...
It made me think about you and how I loved the feeling I got when I was able to make you laugh. Sometimes because I would try on purpose, but most often by mistake. But it was always a great feeling, making you laugh. But he never laughs... It made me miss you even more than before.
It was at that moment when Tricity got a cold chill and she shivered. I hadn't thought anything about it until after we were done and we were about to leave. We were just waiting on the waitress to bring us our check. Then I decided to look over at the desert menu to see what kind of "house made" deserts they had. That's when I saw it...
"Gooey Butter Cake". Instantly I thought about you and the story you told me about Magen and how she messed up the gooey butter cake one night and didn't remember it the next day. I had never even heard of gooey butter cake until you told me about it. Hell, I still don't even know what it is! But I know the name of it, and when I saw that...
Then Tricity gasped. Before I could fully understand the reason why, she explained about how I was just talking about you and we were missing you. Then she got a cold chill, and then I saw that sign. People say when a spirit is around you, the temperature drops. I know you never believed in spirits other than rum, vodka, and tequila, but I always watched Ghost Adventures, and I believe that is why Tricity got the cold chill. I know you were there.
And even now as I write this, I am convinced now more than ever that everything happens for a reason, even though we never know why that reason may be until it happens. My mind is blown, thinking about how there was a reason why Magen tried making that cake, and why she couldn't remember it the next day. It was so that you could tell me the story, and I could relate to this happening after your passing, so that I would know you're with me, because you know how I am always questioning if what I think is happening is really what is true or not.
I miss you, I love you, and I know you miss me and love me too. ♥
So here's just a few photos from tonight. Here is Tricity's pizza, and Adam with his tea, and my food. I started out with this crab and spinach bisque that I love so much. (I WILL find out how to make this at home and I will make a bunch and freeze it until it's ready to be eaten! lol) And then I got chicken parmesan with penne noodles. It was pretty good! And even though Adam was pouty, I gave him some of my chicken and he had a piece of Tricity's pizza :-p And then of course I had to take a picture of the "Gooey Butter Cake" sign.
Thursday, April 25, 2019
Performance Anxiety
Wow, I haven't felt this way in a looooong time! Not since high school, that I can remember! When I would perform Fiddler on the Roof, or sing the national anthem before the football games. Over the years, I'd usually try to push the feelings down when I'd start feeling this way, but I'm feeling anxious and excited at the same time. I've had panic attacks a few times as well, but they don't feel the same as this.
Why am I feeling this way? Because I recently decided to take a chance and signed up for the 80's Lip Sync Battle for this year's Mayfest. It says, "You will perform 1 of 10 randomly selected songs. The song list will be provided no later than 3 days before the event. There will be 3 face-off rounds to determine the winner. Be familiar with these songs and all decked out to increase your chance to become the FINAL WINNER! NOTE: The judging for this event will be done by crowd appeal. Be ready to know all the songs, to put enthusiasm into your performance and to woo the crowd with your style. Most of all have some fun!"
So now I'm brushing up on my 80's music LOL And I've already picked out what I'm going to wear. I went out and bought a couple of neon shirts (all they had was orange or yellow) so I can make my outfit. I'm going to cut one to make an off-the-shoulder shirt with fringe on the bottom, and the other I will make into leg warmers. I'm going to crimp my hair and make some chunky neon jewelry to wear as well.
I don't know if there is a prize or not, but it doesn't matter because I'm doing this for the fun of it. I figured it would be a great memory for Tricity of her Mother, and it would be something nice to leave everyone to remember me by. It would be nice if I could win though. I'm just nervous to see if I'm one of the 12 people who get to do it. Just because I signed up for it doesn't mean I'm going to get picked... And then I'm nervous to see what songs we'll be doing. I'm hoping I know most of them. And then I'm nervous because I don't know who I'll be going up against. There's some pretty good performers in this town. And lastly, I'm nervous because I have a bad back, and I'm not sure if I'll be able to put as much energy into the performance as I imagine I will in my head, since I can't stand for too long.
I'm hoping I can get enough friends and family out to cheer for me since how loud the audience cheers will judge who moves onto the next round. I'm also hoping I can get someone to record it. Anyway, wish me luck!
Why am I feeling this way? Because I recently decided to take a chance and signed up for the 80's Lip Sync Battle for this year's Mayfest. It says, "You will perform 1 of 10 randomly selected songs. The song list will be provided no later than 3 days before the event. There will be 3 face-off rounds to determine the winner. Be familiar with these songs and all decked out to increase your chance to become the FINAL WINNER! NOTE: The judging for this event will be done by crowd appeal. Be ready to know all the songs, to put enthusiasm into your performance and to woo the crowd with your style. Most of all have some fun!"
So now I'm brushing up on my 80's music LOL And I've already picked out what I'm going to wear. I went out and bought a couple of neon shirts (all they had was orange or yellow) so I can make my outfit. I'm going to cut one to make an off-the-shoulder shirt with fringe on the bottom, and the other I will make into leg warmers. I'm going to crimp my hair and make some chunky neon jewelry to wear as well.
I don't know if there is a prize or not, but it doesn't matter because I'm doing this for the fun of it. I figured it would be a great memory for Tricity of her Mother, and it would be something nice to leave everyone to remember me by. It would be nice if I could win though. I'm just nervous to see if I'm one of the 12 people who get to do it. Just because I signed up for it doesn't mean I'm going to get picked... And then I'm nervous to see what songs we'll be doing. I'm hoping I know most of them. And then I'm nervous because I don't know who I'll be going up against. There's some pretty good performers in this town. And lastly, I'm nervous because I have a bad back, and I'm not sure if I'll be able to put as much energy into the performance as I imagine I will in my head, since I can't stand for too long.
I'm hoping I can get enough friends and family out to cheer for me since how loud the audience cheers will judge who moves onto the next round. I'm also hoping I can get someone to record it. Anyway, wish me luck!
Sunday, April 21, 2019
I'm So Excited, I Wet My Plants!
Spring is definitely here now. The weather has been between the 60's and 70's and it almost even reached 80 degrees at some point. That's Fahrenheit of course, as I know the rest of the world uses Celsius.
Anyway, whenever Adam goes to the store, I usually ask him to bring me back home a surprise. Sometimes he brings candy, sometimes it's stuffed animals, and sometimes it's plants. He got me a cactus not too long ago (I've never had a cactus before!) and here recently, he has gotten me some kind of flowering succulent, I think it is? I'm not sure what it is, but it's cute, and I'm happy to have it.
I recently also purchased a couple of grow lights from Wish. These are LED lights in blue and red, which are said to be the colors that plants love to absorb to help them grow. So what I did was rig up one of the lights on my desk, I repotted my plants, and have them sitting under the grow light now.
As you can see, I also tried to take some cactus cuttings (they were actually broken off when Adam accidentally knocked it over one time, and again from when I accidentally knocked it over as well) and I planted them. I hope they'll grow! I really don't know how cactus plants work, and I have a brown-thumb when it comes to gardening, but I'm hopeful :-p Wish me luck! lol
Thursday, April 11, 2019
My Ancestry DNA Results
WOW!!! I got my Ancestry DNA results in. No French?! I always thought I had some French :-p With one of my Grandmothers having the last name of DeRousse, I would have thought it would be prominent. This is really interesting though.
The Spanish surprised me! I hadn't found any in my family tree research yet, so I didn't expect to see that there. How did that happen? lol The Swedish, I kind of knew from research, and the European and Irish/Scottish I had a feeling I would get, based on Tricity's DNA results.
The Spanish surprised me! I hadn't found any in my family tree research yet, so I didn't expect to see that there. How did that happen? lol The Swedish, I kind of knew from research, and the European and Irish/Scottish I had a feeling I would get, based on Tricity's DNA results.
Wednesday, April 10, 2019
I Cooked For My Brother and His Kids for the First Time!
I'll start off by saying - my brother and I have went through a rough patch in our lives where we didn't really get along well. He had made some bad life choices and I didn't forgive him for it. But over the past year, I can see that he's really been trying to get his life back on track, and it has been bringing us closer together.
Well... everything happens for a reason, and it happened to be that I recently got my schedule at work lowered to have less hours, so now I get off work before Tricity comes home from school. And recently, he needed someone to watch the kids until he got off work because my Mom would have watched them, but she deserved a break, so I said I'd watch them after school for this week.
He told me he would be getting back late one of the nights, so I went ahead and cooked them dinner. It wasn't anything special. Just a skillet meal (cheeseburger macaroni), potatoes, and beans. But they liked it! The little ones scarfed it down and ate until they were full. It was really nice to know they liked my food!
Of course I had to ask, "Who cooks better, me or Grandma?" just so that I could see their faces freeze up as they tried to think of an answer. It was so cute and funny. I told them, "Well your Grandma is who taught me how to cook, so I'd HOPE that you would have a hard time deciding!" lol My Mom was a great cook when I was growing up. I guess my cooking is a mix between my Mom and Adam, since I learned some things from him, too.
It was really nice though. It was nice to cook dinner for my brother for once, after he came home from a hard day's work, and to have the family together like that. I always wanted a big family like he has, but we were never able to have more kids. Sad to say, when they were little, I was so resentful that I couldn't have any more, while their mother (who shouldn't have been having kids that she didn't want to take care of) kept popping them out like a factory, so I didn't bond with them as much as I should have... But now that they are older, I've been trying to be a better person and be closer to them. I am their only Aunt, after all. And their Uncle Adam is their only uncle. Anyway, It was a really nice evening :-)
Well... everything happens for a reason, and it happened to be that I recently got my schedule at work lowered to have less hours, so now I get off work before Tricity comes home from school. And recently, he needed someone to watch the kids until he got off work because my Mom would have watched them, but she deserved a break, so I said I'd watch them after school for this week.
He told me he would be getting back late one of the nights, so I went ahead and cooked them dinner. It wasn't anything special. Just a skillet meal (cheeseburger macaroni), potatoes, and beans. But they liked it! The little ones scarfed it down and ate until they were full. It was really nice to know they liked my food!
Of course I had to ask, "Who cooks better, me or Grandma?" just so that I could see their faces freeze up as they tried to think of an answer. It was so cute and funny. I told them, "Well your Grandma is who taught me how to cook, so I'd HOPE that you would have a hard time deciding!" lol My Mom was a great cook when I was growing up. I guess my cooking is a mix between my Mom and Adam, since I learned some things from him, too.
It was really nice though. It was nice to cook dinner for my brother for once, after he came home from a hard day's work, and to have the family together like that. I always wanted a big family like he has, but we were never able to have more kids. Sad to say, when they were little, I was so resentful that I couldn't have any more, while their mother (who shouldn't have been having kids that she didn't want to take care of) kept popping them out like a factory, so I didn't bond with them as much as I should have... But now that they are older, I've been trying to be a better person and be closer to them. I am their only Aunt, after all. And their Uncle Adam is their only uncle. Anyway, It was a really nice evening :-)
Tuesday, April 9, 2019
I Broke My iPhone
So I have an iPhone SE, and I carry my phone with me everywhere... and sometimes, when I'm moving around or walking, my arms might go a little crazy. Nothing too crazy, but nothing really snazzy either. And sometimes my hand becomes a little lose on it's grip, and my phone will go flying out across the room, right?
Well it has happened a few times before, and my phone was just peachy afterwards. It only ever got a small tiny little crack at the corner of the screen. Nothing too big to worry about. It's down on the bottom-right side where it's not even interfering with the picture.
Well today I happened to accidentally throw it again, but this time, it must have messed something up on the inside because now I can't really swipe or press anything on the screen very well. It only works maybe 1 out of 20 attempts... So I looked online for a solution, and it told me I could either try bending the phone to get it to work a little, or take it apart...
I don't have the tools to take apart my iphone, and I don't plan on buying any. I don't have any screwdrivers that are that small with a star shape, and even if I did, I'd probably mess it up and break it worse anyway. But bending it worked, for the most part. It's not a permanent fix, so I still have to struggle with it, but it'll do for now.
I even tried switching my phone number over to an older phone until I can buy a new one, but the phone I had must be so old that it's no longer supported. It wouldn't allow me to do it. It sucks though because this phone was doing so good! And it only had that one little crack on the screen. Ah well... It had a good run... And maybe I can upgrade now?
Well it has happened a few times before, and my phone was just peachy afterwards. It only ever got a small tiny little crack at the corner of the screen. Nothing too big to worry about. It's down on the bottom-right side where it's not even interfering with the picture.
Well today I happened to accidentally throw it again, but this time, it must have messed something up on the inside because now I can't really swipe or press anything on the screen very well. It only works maybe 1 out of 20 attempts... So I looked online for a solution, and it told me I could either try bending the phone to get it to work a little, or take it apart...
I don't have the tools to take apart my iphone, and I don't plan on buying any. I don't have any screwdrivers that are that small with a star shape, and even if I did, I'd probably mess it up and break it worse anyway. But bending it worked, for the most part. It's not a permanent fix, so I still have to struggle with it, but it'll do for now.
I even tried switching my phone number over to an older phone until I can buy a new one, but the phone I had must be so old that it's no longer supported. It wouldn't allow me to do it. It sucks though because this phone was doing so good! And it only had that one little crack on the screen. Ah well... It had a good run... And maybe I can upgrade now?
RIP
Sunday, April 7, 2019
I Got Those Pictures
In my last post, I had wrote a message to my brother for his 40th birthday, and I had said at the end of the post that I hoped to get a picture with him, since we hadn't taken a picture together in a long time. Well... I got those pictures! ♥ Here we are at my Mom's house tonight for his birthday dinner.
Happy 40th Birthday to My Brother!
Happy Birthday to my brother Tommy! Wow, 40 years old... We've been lucky to make it this far! We've been through a lot, you and I. We've survived a couple of car crashes together, we've survived trees falling on the house, and though we've been as different as night and day, you've always been my bubby, and I'll always be your sissy. I may not always like your life choices, but deep down I'll always love you.
Not everyone gets to know what it's like to have a big brother. It's nice to feel that protection as you're growing up. I was the kind of kid who felt like if anyone hurt me, I could get my brother to go beat them up, even though you never had to. I remember always wanting to tag along with you. I'd always want to play with your toys, and I'm pretty sure that had to get annoying for you. But that's what little sisters do.
Sadly, when I got old enough to start school, I remember seeing you at recess. I thought it was really cool to be going to school with my big brother, but when I called you bubby in front of your friends, you seemed to get offended and got mad at me. Now that I'm older, I realized I had embarrassed you. I guess I had always thought of you being a big strong protector, and I didn't realize until that day that you had a sensitive side. I apologize for embarrassing you, but I hope you realize now that it was just me looking up to my brother with pride and great affection.
But being older was not always easy, I'm sure. It meant you were usually the first to make mistakes. But because of that, I was able to learn from your mistakes and become a better person. And I guess that's why I had always felt a sort of sibling rivalry with you. I always tried to be better because I didn't want to make the same mistakes that you did. But I hope you don't resent it. Instead, I hope you can see and understand how you've helped me by making me want to be better and make better choices, and to do better than I could have done without you.
Even now, I hope you understand how much I admire you. You've brought 5 beautiful children into this world. You've had a rough patch, but you're doing what you can to make things better and be there for your kids. And even though you're getting old(er) and your body is breaking down, you're still working hard to do what you can for them. And your sense of humor... I've always loved how you and Mom could come up with witty remarks so easily.
I hope we still have many years together. You getting older means that I'm getting older, and as I get older, I think about how any day could be our last together. I hope I can get a picture of us together again soon, since it has been years since we've done that. And I'm hoping that as time patches up the holes that have drifted us apart over these last few years, that we can be close again. I miss you and love you very much, and I hope that you have a wonderful birthday.
Saturday, April 6, 2019
A Boy and His Puppy
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Saturday, March 30, 2019
Sometimes I Feel Guilty About Her Passing
I think about my best friend Tahnee so much every day... and as I tend to do, I start overthinking things as well, and I start feeling a little guilty about the way she died. But then I can imagine her telling me to stop blaming myself, and how everything isn't always about me, just as she has done before in the past when I'd start feeling down like this.
It's just that I feel guilty because they said she passed from a blood clot that went to her lungs, and my Mom always warns me about sitting at the computer for too long, because she's worried a blood clot will get ME just like it did to her. And the reason why I feel guilty about that is because of how many hours upon hours we would spend on the computer playing and talking to each other.
I feel like - if I had been on less, maybe she wouldn't have been at her computer as much? I'm the one who got her playing Minecraft on the PC back in 2015, so I feel responsible. If we hadn't always been playing on the computer or spending hours in calls together, would she not have been on as much? Would this have been able to be prevented?
It was just so weird because a couple of months before she died, I had felt an urge to get away from the computer for a while. I quit staying upstairs after work to play any games. I had decided to start coming downstairs and spending more time with Tricity and doing more things around the house that I have been wanting to get done. I was cooking more. I started drinking water. Something in me had wanted to change. And then this happened...
She would probably tell me that it wouldn't have turned out any different, that she would have still been on the computer doing one thing or another. But there's still that feeling of guilt, you know? I feel like - how different would her life had turned out if we had never become friends? I'd never want to give away our friendship, but these kinds of things always go through my head. Where would she be if she hadn't been tied down to me?
I try not to be so down on myself about it, though. I know she wouldn't like that. She was always one for owning up and accepting responsibility and moving on from your mistakes. I sure do miss her though, and I as much as I wish I could change the way things turned out, I know I can't. So I must accept it and move on. And maybe one day I'll stop blaming myself...
It's just that I feel guilty because they said she passed from a blood clot that went to her lungs, and my Mom always warns me about sitting at the computer for too long, because she's worried a blood clot will get ME just like it did to her. And the reason why I feel guilty about that is because of how many hours upon hours we would spend on the computer playing and talking to each other.
I feel like - if I had been on less, maybe she wouldn't have been at her computer as much? I'm the one who got her playing Minecraft on the PC back in 2015, so I feel responsible. If we hadn't always been playing on the computer or spending hours in calls together, would she not have been on as much? Would this have been able to be prevented?
It was just so weird because a couple of months before she died, I had felt an urge to get away from the computer for a while. I quit staying upstairs after work to play any games. I had decided to start coming downstairs and spending more time with Tricity and doing more things around the house that I have been wanting to get done. I was cooking more. I started drinking water. Something in me had wanted to change. And then this happened...
She would probably tell me that it wouldn't have turned out any different, that she would have still been on the computer doing one thing or another. But there's still that feeling of guilt, you know? I feel like - how different would her life had turned out if we had never become friends? I'd never want to give away our friendship, but these kinds of things always go through my head. Where would she be if she hadn't been tied down to me?
I try not to be so down on myself about it, though. I know she wouldn't like that. She was always one for owning up and accepting responsibility and moving on from your mistakes. I sure do miss her though, and I as much as I wish I could change the way things turned out, I know I can't. So I must accept it and move on. And maybe one day I'll stop blaming myself...
Wednesday, March 27, 2019
Doomsday Preppers
I started watching this show on Netflix called "Doomsday Preppers". The people on the show talk about themselves as if the whole word thinks they're crazy, but it has always been something I was interested in doing. Maybe now is the time to get started? After all, the number of people who are becoming peppers is on the rise, so that’s got to be telling you something, as animals and even people can sometimes sense when danger is approaching, so they start preparing themselves for whatever might be possible.
The only thing that keeps me from becoming a prepper is is that I don’t want to leave a bunch of canned goods in a particular location because after so long, the food inside starts tasting like metal. And if I canned my own goods, all it would take is one earthquake or a tornado to break them, or the food inside might go bad if the jars are not properly sealed.
I think we all believe the world might come under a great catastrophe in one way or another. For me, I think it's going to be bombs. Everyone always makes a threat about it, so I worry that one of these days, someone is going to make good on that threat and actually set them off, resulting in mass destruction. The only problem with that is that I know nothing about surviving a bomb or radiation :-/ The closest I've come to anything like that is when I play Fallout.
Then there's the part of me that gets really carried away and thinks about a zombie apocalypse. I actually feel like I could survive that for a while, if it were ever real (UNLESS the zombies are like the ones on the movie I Am Legend).
I like the show though. People show you what they've done to prepare and what they've got so far, and then the show grades them on a point system based on food, water, shelter, defense, and xfactor (if they have other unique ideas that can add to your survival score) and then gives them some time to make adjustments and then checks back in on them to see how they've improved.
The only thing that keeps me from becoming a prepper is is that I don’t want to leave a bunch of canned goods in a particular location because after so long, the food inside starts tasting like metal. And if I canned my own goods, all it would take is one earthquake or a tornado to break them, or the food inside might go bad if the jars are not properly sealed.
I think we all believe the world might come under a great catastrophe in one way or another. For me, I think it's going to be bombs. Everyone always makes a threat about it, so I worry that one of these days, someone is going to make good on that threat and actually set them off, resulting in mass destruction. The only problem with that is that I know nothing about surviving a bomb or radiation :-/ The closest I've come to anything like that is when I play Fallout.
Then there's the part of me that gets really carried away and thinks about a zombie apocalypse. I actually feel like I could survive that for a while, if it were ever real (UNLESS the zombies are like the ones on the movie I Am Legend).
I like the show though. People show you what they've done to prepare and what they've got so far, and then the show grades them on a point system based on food, water, shelter, defense, and xfactor (if they have other unique ideas that can add to your survival score) and then gives them some time to make adjustments and then checks back in on them to see how they've improved.
She Looks Like a Doll!
So when I was doing my "photoshoot" yesterday with my new wig and contacts, I decided to do a filter of Tricity while I was playing around on Snapchat. WOW! She looked just like a doll! She has the child face and the beautiful curly golden hair, rosy cheeks, those lips... I'm in love with this photo of her! ♥ ♥ ♥
Tuesday, March 26, 2019
Pastel Rainbow Wig and Purple Contacts
I decided to dress up with my pastel-rainbow colored wig (my favorite one so far!) and purple contacts, and add some shimmer and shine. That includes a micro-glitter lip shine, highlighter, and glittery eyeshadow.
I'm the prettiest momma unicorn! And Tricity is my beautiful babycorn :-p
I'm the prettiest momma unicorn! And Tricity is my beautiful babycorn :-p
Monday, March 25, 2019
Lessons I Learned From Tahnee
There are many lessons I learned from my best friend throughout the years. She always had clever things to say or really logical ideas that have profoundly resonated with me, and I'd like to share them with you.
The first main thing she had taught me was:
Prepare for the worst, but hope for the best.
This means to expect that not everything is going to go smoothly, and prepare for anything that might happen. But even if you expect that things will go wrong, keep your chin up and hope that it'll all work out and turn out for the best. For example, when I start work for the day, I don't clock in expecting the day to be perfect. I know the chances of that happening are slim. I expect there to be conflicts and problems that need to be resolved, but I still hope that it'll be a nice day. But at least I'm prepared to handle it if terrible things happen.
Then she taught me:
It's better to ask for forgiveness than it is to ask for permission.
This was a little devious, but it has helped give me courage to do a few things that I didn't think I would be allowed to do, because I feared that if I asked, I would be told no. But sometimes you just have to do it, and not worry about if you're allowed to or not. Then if someone gets onto you, you could always say - whoops! I didn't know. Forgive me? That way, you're not asking first and being told no before you even get the chance to try.
One of the weird things she taught me was:
Sometimes the best ideas are thought of in the bathroom.
When we used to write together, she used to come up with some amazing storylines. Then she told me her secret. She came up with them in the bathroom. She said that sometimes, when you're left to peace and quiet and alone with your own thoughts, with nothing else to distract you while you did your business, or took a shower, then it gave your brain some time to think on it's own and come up with ideas. And she was right! I noticed that when I'm in the shower, sometimes my brain will go into overdrive, and I'll come up with some of my best ideas.
And then another key thing she had unknowingly taught me is that:
You don't have to be lovers to be soulmates.
I don't think there was anyone more perfect to share my life with. She was the one. I loved her very deeply, and I know she loved me too, but we weren't lovers in a sexual way. (I may like boobs, but I don't like vaginas.) We were intimate, but not physically. I think she's the only person in the world who knew everything about me. And I miss her so much...
The first main thing she had taught me was:
Prepare for the worst, but hope for the best.
This means to expect that not everything is going to go smoothly, and prepare for anything that might happen. But even if you expect that things will go wrong, keep your chin up and hope that it'll all work out and turn out for the best. For example, when I start work for the day, I don't clock in expecting the day to be perfect. I know the chances of that happening are slim. I expect there to be conflicts and problems that need to be resolved, but I still hope that it'll be a nice day. But at least I'm prepared to handle it if terrible things happen.
Then she taught me:
It's better to ask for forgiveness than it is to ask for permission.
This was a little devious, but it has helped give me courage to do a few things that I didn't think I would be allowed to do, because I feared that if I asked, I would be told no. But sometimes you just have to do it, and not worry about if you're allowed to or not. Then if someone gets onto you, you could always say - whoops! I didn't know. Forgive me? That way, you're not asking first and being told no before you even get the chance to try.
One of the weird things she taught me was:
Sometimes the best ideas are thought of in the bathroom.
When we used to write together, she used to come up with some amazing storylines. Then she told me her secret. She came up with them in the bathroom. She said that sometimes, when you're left to peace and quiet and alone with your own thoughts, with nothing else to distract you while you did your business, or took a shower, then it gave your brain some time to think on it's own and come up with ideas. And she was right! I noticed that when I'm in the shower, sometimes my brain will go into overdrive, and I'll come up with some of my best ideas.
And then another key thing she had unknowingly taught me is that:
You don't have to be lovers to be soulmates.
I don't think there was anyone more perfect to share my life with. She was the one. I loved her very deeply, and I know she loved me too, but we weren't lovers in a sexual way. (I may like boobs, but I don't like vaginas.) We were intimate, but not physically. I think she's the only person in the world who knew everything about me. And I miss her so much...
Sunday, March 24, 2019
Our New Vlog Intro
In case you guys hadn't seen it yet, we have a new video intro for the vlogs! Enjoy ♥
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Saturday, March 23, 2019
Burial for Tahnee
The memorial services for Tahnee was last weekend. This weekend was the burial. Once again, everything was so beautiful and lovely. So many flowers, and her headstone was lovely. I think she would have been pleased. I could just imagine her standing behind it looking back at me, saying my name in a sing-songy way, trying to get me to smile and telling me that she loves me.
The day started off sunny as we hit the road. But as we got closer, and during the service, it became overcast. It's like because we were sad, the sky reflected our mood by covering up the sun, making it more gloomy. And it was like Tahnee was watching out for me because she knows I have skin that burns easily, so she wanted to make sure that I didn't get sunburnt while standing there during the service. At least, that's how I'd like to think about it. And then on the way back home, the sun came back out again.
At first we drove to the Shiloh cemetery, but I didn't think about it when I looked up the directions. They had said it was at the old Shiloh church and not at the new cemetery, so I called her sister and she sent someone out to come get us and show us the way there. It's probably a good thing that someone showed us the way, because it was pretty well out of town with a lot of small roads, and we probably would have gotten lost.
They also had a bagpipe player, who was an elderly gentleman, and I'm not sure if he kept squonking on accident, or if as Adam said, maybe there wasn't a good seal on the bagpipes? But he kept honking during the performance. After he was finished, he marched off, still playing as the sound grew quieter and quieter, and the song was dying out. Literally! It no longer became a song. It was a tangled mess of squeaks and squonks. We couldn't help but to start snicker and laughing, thinking of how Tahnee would have been laughing pretty hard at that. She and I always laughed at those awkward moments. Even after it was all said and done, he kept trying to get it right.
When her sister Magen started pouring her ashes into the ground, that's pretty much when I lost it. I felt like - there she was. That's what it was all summed up to. The last of her Earthly being, put back into the ground. Her physical presence is gone, but her spirit shall live on in all of us. But I'm not ready to say goodbye. I'm still not. I still feel like I'm waiting on her to get online so we can pick right back up where we left off.
We went out to eat at Park-Et afterwards, and all I could think about was how I'm still here and she's not. It doesn't seem right. I'm not going to say it wasn't fair, because I certainly don't want to be in her place. I can't imagine what that would do to Tricity... Not fair is when my Grandpa had several heart attacks and is still alive, but all it took was one heart attack to take my Grandma away from me. It sounds harsh, but this is how I still feel about that situation. With Tahnee, it just feels weird, like when she left, she took a part of me with her, like I've got one foot in the ground and the rest of me here. And I wonder if I'm always going to feel this way?
Her parents had both thanked me for being a good friend and bringing her happiness through all these years, but I still feel like we should have had at least 20 more years together. Hearing that meant so much to me though, because it made me feel like not only were were we as close as we thought we were, but it was evident to everyone else as well. Like it wasn't just something we perceived, but it was validated. I even listed as my partner on Facebook pretty much ever since she got a Facebook account. When I did it, it gave her a good laugh, so she left it that way lol
Some of us threw dirt onto the ashes once she was laid to rest. Me and Tricity did. I must have kept that dirt under my nails for several hours after that. I didn't want to wash it off my hand... I was wanting to stay with her as long as possible. I could have sat there for hours, but we didn't know how to get out of there, so we followed her sister back to town.
Anyway, I'm glad we had some funny memories to look back on for this day, with the bagpipe player. I'm sure she had something to do with it. I know it. She was always trying to make me happy, and that was exactly the kind of thing she would have done. I'd like to think she's looking out for me. Still soul mates even now. ♥
The day started off sunny as we hit the road. But as we got closer, and during the service, it became overcast. It's like because we were sad, the sky reflected our mood by covering up the sun, making it more gloomy. And it was like Tahnee was watching out for me because she knows I have skin that burns easily, so she wanted to make sure that I didn't get sunburnt while standing there during the service. At least, that's how I'd like to think about it. And then on the way back home, the sun came back out again.
At first we drove to the Shiloh cemetery, but I didn't think about it when I looked up the directions. They had said it was at the old Shiloh church and not at the new cemetery, so I called her sister and she sent someone out to come get us and show us the way there. It's probably a good thing that someone showed us the way, because it was pretty well out of town with a lot of small roads, and we probably would have gotten lost.
They also had a bagpipe player, who was an elderly gentleman, and I'm not sure if he kept squonking on accident, or if as Adam said, maybe there wasn't a good seal on the bagpipes? But he kept honking during the performance. After he was finished, he marched off, still playing as the sound grew quieter and quieter, and the song was dying out. Literally! It no longer became a song. It was a tangled mess of squeaks and squonks. We couldn't help but to start snicker and laughing, thinking of how Tahnee would have been laughing pretty hard at that. She and I always laughed at those awkward moments. Even after it was all said and done, he kept trying to get it right.
When her sister Magen started pouring her ashes into the ground, that's pretty much when I lost it. I felt like - there she was. That's what it was all summed up to. The last of her Earthly being, put back into the ground. Her physical presence is gone, but her spirit shall live on in all of us. But I'm not ready to say goodbye. I'm still not. I still feel like I'm waiting on her to get online so we can pick right back up where we left off.
We went out to eat at Park-Et afterwards, and all I could think about was how I'm still here and she's not. It doesn't seem right. I'm not going to say it wasn't fair, because I certainly don't want to be in her place. I can't imagine what that would do to Tricity... Not fair is when my Grandpa had several heart attacks and is still alive, but all it took was one heart attack to take my Grandma away from me. It sounds harsh, but this is how I still feel about that situation. With Tahnee, it just feels weird, like when she left, she took a part of me with her, like I've got one foot in the ground and the rest of me here. And I wonder if I'm always going to feel this way?
Her parents had both thanked me for being a good friend and bringing her happiness through all these years, but I still feel like we should have had at least 20 more years together. Hearing that meant so much to me though, because it made me feel like not only were were we as close as we thought we were, but it was evident to everyone else as well. Like it wasn't just something we perceived, but it was validated. I even listed as my partner on Facebook pretty much ever since she got a Facebook account. When I did it, it gave her a good laugh, so she left it that way lol
Some of us threw dirt onto the ashes once she was laid to rest. Me and Tricity did. I must have kept that dirt under my nails for several hours after that. I didn't want to wash it off my hand... I was wanting to stay with her as long as possible. I could have sat there for hours, but we didn't know how to get out of there, so we followed her sister back to town.
Anyway, I'm glad we had some funny memories to look back on for this day, with the bagpipe player. I'm sure she had something to do with it. I know it. She was always trying to make me happy, and that was exactly the kind of thing she would have done. I'd like to think she's looking out for me. Still soul mates even now. ♥
Thursday, March 21, 2019
Tricity's Ancestry DNA Results
Wow, so we got the results back for Tricity's ancestry DNA test, and I totally thought she would have had more than that in her! But I guess it shows that even if your ancestors are French or German, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you will have that in you. Here's her results:
And that's it! So plain and simple. What I wonder though, is can she claim to say she is a quarter Irish and Scottish, and three quarters British because of these results? Even though many generations lived here in the USA and she's an American by nationality? I mean it's right there in her DNA, so I would imagine so, right?
I sent off my test today. I'm so excited and I can't wait to see how my results come back!
Wednesday, March 20, 2019
We're Giving Up Caffeine
So because of what happened with Tahnee's passing, it really shook me up. Apparently what had caused her death was a blood clot that traveled to her lungs, which caused her to go limp and stop breathing. The blood clot was most likely formed due to sitting at the computer all the time. She had a job working on her computer, and then when she was off work, we would play online all the time and talk to each other on the computer.
And this scares the hell out of me because I'm always at the computer as well. I work and play at the computer too, so we're not really that different. In fact, I think I was sitting and using the computer more than she was, because when she would go to bed, I would still be up a few more hours. It has only been the past couple of months that I haven't been on as much because I wanted to spend more time with Tricity, so I wasn't getting on after work.
So I'm shook, right? Every time I sit down at my computer and do my job, I now wonder if it's like a ticking time bomb. It scares the hell out of me, but this is pretty much the only job I can do at the moment. I can't drive, I can't stand for too long, that rules out a lot of normal jobs, so working from home is what I am able to do to help provide for the family.
I looked up what causes blood clots, and most of the stuff was easy to rule out. I quit drinking, I don't smoke, I've been taking a small dose of "Bayer" at night to help thin my blood. I'm not using the computer as much, and one of the biggest changes was giving up caffeine. I'm a big soda drinker and recently started drinking coffee, so now I'm cutting those out and drinking water. We all are. Me, Tricity, and Adam are giving up caffeine and the only time we'll have soda is if we're going out to eat. But no more soda in the house!
So after we got back home from the memorial service, we went straight to the store and bought some water bottles. Adam already had one. He actually gave up soda some time ago because he was getting really bad kidney stones. Tricity got a bottle, and I actually got two. I have one to keep by the bed because my mouth gets so dry at night sometimes, and then I have one for work, which stays in the freezer because it has gel in the sides of the bottle that keep it cold for a while.
This one is my favorite though. This is the one I keep by the bed, and it works amazingly well! I can put ice water in it around 9:00 at night, and after I drink all of the water, the ice will still be in it the next night. It's insulated, so it doesn't feel very cold on the outside, but the inside stays nice and icy cold. I want to get one more to replace the gel bottle that doesn't work as well as you would have thought... And this one is way more beautiful, too!
I want us to eventually try to cut out sugar, salt, and white flour too. I've heard several times throughout the years that if it's white, not to use it (unless it's like an onion or something lol) And I also want us to do more activities. A good walk in the evening after dinner would be nice to do, like if the three of us took the dog for a walk together or something. Or going swimming more. I always love swimming.
And I want to cook whatever I want to cook, whether they eat it or not, because what I want to cook is with fresh vegetables and they aren't really vegetable eaters. But hopefully I'll make it delicious enough where I can change their minds and they will want to eat healthier too? *crosses fingers*
But for now, switching to water is a huge step in itself, so we're going to try and take it one step at a time. I just know that her passing really hit home for me, and I'm not ready to go yet. And I don't want anything to happen to my family either, so something HAS to change.
And this scares the hell out of me because I'm always at the computer as well. I work and play at the computer too, so we're not really that different. In fact, I think I was sitting and using the computer more than she was, because when she would go to bed, I would still be up a few more hours. It has only been the past couple of months that I haven't been on as much because I wanted to spend more time with Tricity, so I wasn't getting on after work.
So I'm shook, right? Every time I sit down at my computer and do my job, I now wonder if it's like a ticking time bomb. It scares the hell out of me, but this is pretty much the only job I can do at the moment. I can't drive, I can't stand for too long, that rules out a lot of normal jobs, so working from home is what I am able to do to help provide for the family.
I looked up what causes blood clots, and most of the stuff was easy to rule out. I quit drinking, I don't smoke, I've been taking a small dose of "Bayer" at night to help thin my blood. I'm not using the computer as much, and one of the biggest changes was giving up caffeine. I'm a big soda drinker and recently started drinking coffee, so now I'm cutting those out and drinking water. We all are. Me, Tricity, and Adam are giving up caffeine and the only time we'll have soda is if we're going out to eat. But no more soda in the house!
So after we got back home from the memorial service, we went straight to the store and bought some water bottles. Adam already had one. He actually gave up soda some time ago because he was getting really bad kidney stones. Tricity got a bottle, and I actually got two. I have one to keep by the bed because my mouth gets so dry at night sometimes, and then I have one for work, which stays in the freezer because it has gel in the sides of the bottle that keep it cold for a while.
This one is my favorite though. This is the one I keep by the bed, and it works amazingly well! I can put ice water in it around 9:00 at night, and after I drink all of the water, the ice will still be in it the next night. It's insulated, so it doesn't feel very cold on the outside, but the inside stays nice and icy cold. I want to get one more to replace the gel bottle that doesn't work as well as you would have thought... And this one is way more beautiful, too!
I want us to eventually try to cut out sugar, salt, and white flour too. I've heard several times throughout the years that if it's white, not to use it (unless it's like an onion or something lol) And I also want us to do more activities. A good walk in the evening after dinner would be nice to do, like if the three of us took the dog for a walk together or something. Or going swimming more. I always love swimming.
And I want to cook whatever I want to cook, whether they eat it or not, because what I want to cook is with fresh vegetables and they aren't really vegetable eaters. But hopefully I'll make it delicious enough where I can change their minds and they will want to eat healthier too? *crosses fingers*
But for now, switching to water is a huge step in itself, so we're going to try and take it one step at a time. I just know that her passing really hit home for me, and I'm not ready to go yet. And I don't want anything to happen to my family either, so something HAS to change.
Tuesday, March 19, 2019
Seeings Signs of Her Everywhere
I know I'm bound to see signs of Tahnee everywhere since we were so close. There's not much we didn't share or have in common, so I'm going to notice a lot of things that remind me of her. Every time I see a star, or hear her favorite songs or watch her favorite movies, when I say something she used to say all the time like "herro" instead of "hello", or when the color purple stands out to me... She's everywhere.
But then there's this. This gave me the chills. I opened up a fortune cookie today that was left over from the Chinese delivery we had ordered to our room during our stay at the hotel over this past weekened of her memorial service, and this is the message I got:
Sometimes I feel like I can hear her reply to something I'll say or do in my mind. I don't literally hear her, but I can just imagine her voice and what she would say, and how she would say it. Or I'll hear her laugh, or do what I called the "guinea pig" sound when she used to get tired. I was just so used to hearing her all the time that I have her voice imprinted on my mind...
But then there's this. This gave me the chills. I opened up a fortune cookie today that was left over from the Chinese delivery we had ordered to our room during our stay at the hotel over this past weekened of her memorial service, and this is the message I got:
It says "Soon someone new coming into your life will be a best friend." I just lost my best friend, and then I get a fortune cookie with that message? It's like she's trying to fill the gap and help me feel better. Or else she just wants to freak me out. But if that's not a sign, I don't know what is! lol
Sometimes I feel like I can hear her reply to something I'll say or do in my mind. I don't literally hear her, but I can just imagine her voice and what she would say, and how she would say it. Or I'll hear her laugh, or do what I called the "guinea pig" sound when she used to get tired. I was just so used to hearing her all the time that I have her voice imprinted on my mind...
Sunday, March 17, 2019
Memorial Service for Tahnee
Well yesterday was rough, but it was lovely. I’m happy they did things the way I think Tahnee would have liked them. It was a day of both tears and laughs as we reminisced on shared moments and memories...
There were so many flowers, it smelled so lovely, and so much purple, which was her favorite color. And they had calla lilies, her favorite flower. They had a TV screen showing pictures of her and the people she loved. They showed some of her artwork, and played some of her songs.
You can find her karaoke songs here on her SingSnap page:
http://www.singsnap.com/karaoke/profile/recordings/a21ac29
And if you want to see her art, you can see a lot of it here on her DeviantArt page:
https://www.deviantart.com/requiem-star
She also did gaming videos, wrote her own song, and made a speed-art video for me - all on her YouTube channel, which you can find here:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCayVZMCPUheCwA2M50gJaHQ
She was also a writer, but I don't have any of her writings on a webpage link, except from this old X-Men board we used to play on, where she had many, many great characters. If this link doesn't work in the future, try looking up "X-Men Dark Evolutions" and "Epiphany" whom was her main character:
https://www.tapatalk.com/groups/xmendarkevolutionsrpg/
and if you're interested in joining, the board has since moved to this page:
http://xmendarkevolution.freeforums.net/
Those are pretty much the main places where I knew she had her content hosted, besides normal social media places like Facebook, Twitter, etc. And I want to thank everyone who has ever said anything nice about her work, or made nice comments on her stuff. Everyone needs more positivity in their lives, so thanks for making her days a bit brighter during her time in this world. ♥
There were so many flowers, it smelled so lovely, and so much purple, which was her favorite color. And they had calla lilies, her favorite flower. They had a TV screen showing pictures of her and the people she loved. They showed some of her artwork, and played some of her songs.
You can find her karaoke songs here on her SingSnap page:
http://www.singsnap.com/karaoke/profile/recordings/a21ac29
And if you want to see her art, you can see a lot of it here on her DeviantArt page:
https://www.deviantart.com/requiem-star
She also did gaming videos, wrote her own song, and made a speed-art video for me - all on her YouTube channel, which you can find here:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCayVZMCPUheCwA2M50gJaHQ
She was also a writer, but I don't have any of her writings on a webpage link, except from this old X-Men board we used to play on, where she had many, many great characters. If this link doesn't work in the future, try looking up "X-Men Dark Evolutions" and "Epiphany" whom was her main character:
https://www.tapatalk.com/groups/xmendarkevolutionsrpg/
and if you're interested in joining, the board has since moved to this page:
http://xmendarkevolution.freeforums.net/
Those are pretty much the main places where I knew she had her content hosted, besides normal social media places like Facebook, Twitter, etc. And I want to thank everyone who has ever said anything nice about her work, or made nice comments on her stuff. Everyone needs more positivity in their lives, so thanks for making her days a bit brighter during her time in this world. ♥
Saturday, March 16, 2019
10 Year Anniversary Mini-Vacation
I had planned to ask her if she wanted to meet up while we were in town, but I guess she had other plans for us to meet. Sadly, it had to be this way... But we kept our spirits high during the anniversary trip, and saved the tears for Sunday. Here's the video.
Please subscribe, comment, and thumbs up! :-)
http://www.youtube.com/TheMultiMom
Check out our other family vlogs here!
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLC6kl0RsnmZ-fl8NsNUJLNK6-rDepf3in
#TheMultiMom #family #CapeGirardeau #Missouri #anniversary #hotel #vacation #mall #massage #pool #SteakNShake #movie #movietheater #haul #shopping #Wendys #GoldenCorral #ramen #memorialservice #roses #flowers #HobbyLobby #Walmart #HolidayInnExpress #steak #shrimp #Cuphead #BendyAndTheInkMachine #HarryPotter #HowToTrainYourDragon3
Thanks For the Memories
Thinking about my Starry Star tonight and feeling anxious about tomorrow. The memorial is just going to make it set in and feel more real, because I still can’t seem to fully accept that it has actually happened... 😞
I'm crying so hard right now, going over the last messages from my best friend. Here’s from Xbox. She was always so loving and goofy, like how she says "slide my dm's in there" instead of saying "slide into your dm's". She always knew how to make me feel special, and was always trying to cheer me up when I was feeling down. I love you too Tahnee. I wish I hadn’t taken the last couple of month for granted. I should have talked to you more and made sure you were doing okay 😞😢
Some of you may have known her as just RequiemStar or Star, or even Epiphany... But for those of you who don't know - you deserve to know. ♥ It still feels unreal, but I'm sad to say that I lost my best friend Tahnee Sunday night. She was everything to me. We have been best friends for 21 years. I hope I don't offend anyone, but I think it's safe to say that I knew more about her than anyone else. We shared tears, laughs, and everything in between. Our deepest secrets, our struggles, our victories, weird humor (after all, we had each other listed as partners on Facebook since I can remember her first getting Facebook), we've shared witty banter, debates, ideas, thoughts, dreams, wishes, future plans, and a past full of many great memories... You usually didn't see one of us on without the other. I loved her so much...
For the past 5 years, we talked and played games almost every day, except when her husband James was home, and then she would spend time with him. Sometimes we would drink together and cry about our problems. My daughter always called her Aunt Tahnee, and Tricity would often join us in games because she adored her Aunt Tahnee and is so much like her. Tahnee affectionately gave her the name "Gerald" or "cheesy one" or "Tricicheese" to which Tricity would call her "Tahncheese". She had a lot of nicknames. Tahnee-wan-kenobi, Tiger, Tahn-tijer, RequiemStar, Star, my Starry Star, and so much more.
And her laugh... Her laugh was contagious because no one had a laugh like her "sprinkler" laugh, or as she said James would call it, her "wookie" laugh. Even I could never reproduce it! lol She has also been a light to many of our online friends, often helping to pick them up when they feel down, or to offer advice. Everyone gravitated to her. She had an amazing coy sense of humor and people loved her voice. I always admired how smart she was, and how she was always able to talk me down when I was freaking out about something, and help me feel brave when I felt so small. I don't know what I'm going to do without her, but as she told me before - expect the worst and hope for the best. I don't really know what I'm expected to do without her, so I'll do just that...
I don't know how long this page will be up, but here's her obituary:
https://www.crainsonline.com/obituaries/Tahnee-Farrar-Caselman/
And just in case it ever gets taken down, here is a screenshot of it... You can click on it for a larger view.
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