Merry Christmas!

I'm a Hobbit... Joy...

Well, I WILL be, at least. I have not gone to see the movie yet, and I'm still at home. I leave tomorrow to go visit my bestest friends until the end of the month.

I wanted so much to be an Elf, but that dress won't make itself, and I've got too much other things on my hands to take care of. Guess I could always finish the dress another time... Not that there's a desire to, anymore. I'm not pressured, and it's not like I'll be dressing up as an Elf any time soon for any other events...

I even made different ears. No more foam for me, unless these new wax ears completely suck... And hairy feet! I'll have the infamous hairy Hobbit feet to match my costume. I'll have to wear flip-flops, of course. I'm sure they won't let me go in bare-footed into the theater. And at least I have the One Ring to wear, just like Frodo!

That's about it for now. Man, I'm really neglecting my homepage... I shall remedy that soon, I hope. Hope...

Anyway - Here's wishing that your candy canes are tasteful, your bells are jingled, and your chestnuts are roasted! Merry Christmas, everybody!

Current Mood: jubilant
Current Music: Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas (The Tori Amos version), and whatever it is that mom is humming...

Mmm... Green Tea...

"I got my head, but my head is unraveling.

Can't keep control, can't keep track of where it's traveling.
I got my heart, but my heart is no good,
And you're the only one that's understood."
(Nine Inch Nails - The Perfect Drug)

Ahh... Feels good to have a journal again.

You know what? Life, from my perspective at this point, is pretty decent right now. Tomorrow I get to go see my bestest friends whom I haven't see in a month or two. Whenever we went to Six Flags...? THAT'S how long it's been.

I'm excited about the role play! I officially told the X-Men board I used to role play on that I definitely am gone, now. This time, by choice. I love the Arda board that I play on MUCH better. What I'm excited about is all the new story ideas that will be coming up. There's so many ideas floating around that if we finish a story and need another one, we can almost just about pluck it right out of the air.

As for my Sims, Figwit's outfit is being naughty. I should punish him for that. *wicked grin* I can't get it to be edited right. My best friend Amber, her Sims look AWESOME. I envy her. Heads are alright to edit, but it's the outfits that matter. I have Figwit's head, but I can't just parade him around in Celeborn's robes. *shifty eyes* That would be... quite... strange.

I took a loooooooong hot bath in all my green tea goodies that I got the other day for X-Mas. Very soothing. Maybe it will get me relaxed enough to work on my Elvish dress and get it done. *crosses fingers* Maybe I won't be so tensed and rushed that I keep pricking my fingers or messing up?

Current Mood: calm
Current Music: The Perfect Drug by Nine Inch Nails

Oh my gosh!

SO MUCH has happened, and I've been too exhausted to talk about it all. Thursday, the day after opening day for TTT, I finally got to see it. I think I have a new interest. Of course, I was obsessed over Figwit and Grima, but now, I like Gollum, too! He was so funny and cute! (For a creepy little fellow.) Not cute in an attractive way, but in an 'aww, sad puppy!' kind of way lol

And then tonight, I went with mom to her work's Christmas party... It was just how I expected it to be, like a High School dance with smoke and alcohol, but at least I got to know a few people better. I even slow danced with another woman! *snicker* I don't dance. Not at ALL. But slow-dancing, I can sometimes muster. She was one of the people I was getting to know better as a friend, and I felt bad when she was dancing by herself, so I decided I could be of some use somehow.

I had a few drinks, but being the freakish geek I am, it did nothing to my senses that I was aware of. They gave me a splitting headache, though. They were fuzzy navels. Taste good, but all the smoke that was wafting into my nose and basically the whole environment in general gave me a throbbin' in my noggin'.

I started reading on the Hobbit tonight. It's nearly 2:00 a.m. now, and I spent the last hour reading what I could while nibbling on fruitcake and drinking sparkling grape juice in the coziness of my own bed, with a warm fuzzy pillow to keep myself propped on, in the new snuggly nightgown my mom bought me as an early Christmas present, reading in the warming glow of my giant four-wicked black-cherry scented candle. Life is good. lol

I might write some more tomorrow... depends on if I have to go anywhere or do anything, and how late I sleep. I want to do more work on my webpages and work on my Elvish dress. I'm making a medieval-like Elvish dress for when I go visit my friends for the weekend after Christmas. We're HOPEFULLY going to see Lord of the Rings, The Two Towers (again), and if we do, we're dressing up. I want to be an Elf, but if I don't have my dress done by then, I'll have to be a Hobbit...

Warm wishes to you all, and I hope your holidays go well.

Quel kaima. (Means 'Sleep well' in Elvish)

~ me ~

Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: Gollum's Song from the TTT Soundtrack

Well Damn!

I had really had all my hopes set on one little thing today. Little to some, maybe, but HUGE to me! I wanted to see TTT on it's opening day, the first showing, and all that good stuff... But did I get to? No! The only thing I could really care about more than anything these days, and I have to miss it...

I have to wait until tomorrow. I know... It's only one day, and I shouldn't be so upset, but I am. I'm seriously ticked off about this. *grumbles and goes around kicking things*

For one, it's going to set me behind a day on the role play. I expected to make my Eomer character as soon as I got home from seeing the movie, but now I'm forced to wait... *kicks more things*

And two... I REALLY WANTED THIS!!! Figures! This ALWAYS happens to me. *grumblegrumble*

Ok... enough ranting and raving for now... I think in the meantime, I shall just fix up my webpages and put new stuff on them that I came up with last night while being so bored at work.

Current Mood:  moody
Current Music: Different wav.s of Elvish phrases

Stuff...

Hmm... I've been trying to find a way to put my Geocities page in the search engines. Not that I would want too much traffic since I'm quite sure it would shut down the site for an hour each time it got cranky, but it would be nice to see what people think of my Figwit page.

And who knows? Maybe one day, someone will point it out to Bret (McKenzie), and I'll be the next in line for an interview with him or something. Not that I think it would actually ever happen. More like wishful thinking...

I wanted to write more here today, but I need to finish up some role playing posts before I have to get ready for work... I had Severus Snape be the master of the Fangorn Forest. *snicker*

Anyway, It's the last week before I get to have Christmas vacation. I get paid tonight, as well. Sadly, I won't get to see the opening show tomorrow of LOTR TTT... *sniffle* I might have to wait a day or two. TWO?! How can I wait so long? I've had to wait so long already, and now it's just torture, dangling it like that in front of me like a cat with a string that it can't reach. Grf, I say!!!

Ahem... *regains composure* As I get paid, and plan on buying a bow and arrow set within the next few days. Go me! I'll shape myself into an Elf, yet. So as I was saying, I had better go. The clock is ticking, tick-tock, tick-tock.

Current Mood: cynical
Current Music: Hey Son by the Black Seeds

New Journal (DeadJournal)

(Note: This is a previous journal entry made a long time ago, when I used to use DeadJournal as my main social journal writing place.)

This is my newest journal. I've hopped around from journal to journal on deadjournal, livejournal, and ujournal, and I finally think this is where I shall rest my bones. This shall be the journal that I will link to my homepage, so if anyone should happen to care what drab and dreary things happen in my life, then they can check them out here.

Recently, I have started making a page dedicated to the Lord of the Rings character, Figwit. (It's not on my links page yet, in case anyone tries...) If anyone really knows me, then they know about my pathetic obsession over this fan-created character. It's true! Figwit is not an official character, but just an extra in the movie.

Only about five seconds on screen, and Bret McKenzie was sought out by adoring fans who took quite a notice of him. The lovely ladies at the Figwit Lives website took to calling him Figwit, standing for 'Frodo is grea... Who is THAT?!'. Oh, how thankful I am for them introducing Figwit into my life!

Anyway, that page is coming along nicely... I only have the main page and the disclaimers up. What sucks is that it's a geocities site. Geocities REALLY sucks. You can't hotlink and you can only have so much traffic, or else it gets cranky. But at least it's free... If I was able to have a credit card, I would pay Homestead for some space. I used to love Homestead until they started making you PAY...

On another note, I have been listening to the Flight of the Conchords samples for their CD that they'll have out. Quite funny! I love Bret's voice, and the accent. Accents are adorable. Especially on one where he says something like "Note the mosaic wall, where there are 5,600 tiles on that wall. I know... I counted them all." *giggle* And then the LOTR rejected demo, of course.

Anyway, that's all for now. I could go on forever, but I'll spare you all... For the time being. *grows horns*

Current Mood: enthralled
Current Music: Bus Driver's Song by Flight of the Conchords

I Got Checked Out!

A while back, I had asked this lady at the music store if she could order the Rent musical CD for me, so I went to go check and see if it was in yet. I was sooooo badly wanting to get today when I went to the music store. It will cost me around $40. I only had $25 in my pocket, so I told the woman that I would get it next weekend when I got paid. She said all was cool, and so I bought something else for the time being.

I bought Adema's CD. I guess it's called... er... *takes it out to examine it* Adema? *tilts head to the side and puts it back in, playing numbers 3 and 5*

I also got the soundtrack for Pocahontas. It was used and slightly scratched, but there's the song on there by Grandmother Willow that I love called Listen With Your Heart.

Sooo.... I was looking for a CD to buy, seeing what I could afford and what I couldn't. This was before I decided to get the Pocahontas soundtrack. I bypassed a few strangers whom were standing in my way, not really paying attention to them, right? Mom told me to hurry up, so I picked out my 2 CD's and went up to the register. Then the chick behind the counter asks me - "Yeah, you know those two guys who just left?" I nodded slightly, so that I may hear what she wanted to say. She goes on... "Well, they were asking 'Hey, do you know that red-head back there? You know, she's kinda cute'"

My eyes went wide. There, in the store, some guys were checking me out? That isn't very common, you know... Usually in public, I had always thought that I came off to be a sort of "Ice Queen" to strangers... Apparently something has changed...

Anyway, she told me that she told them she thought I was too young. Apparently, she thought I was 15! *snickers* I told her my real age, and she was shocked. But that's the way most women in our family are, though. We don't really age. I felt flattered twice! First - the fact that I don't have to do anything to have guys check me out, and because I look nearly 5 years younger than what I am! lol

Not that I care for guys checking me out... This is where I'm supposed to say that there's more to a girl than her looks. She's got a brain, she's got feelings... But let's be real - for not happening that often, that was quite a nice surprise! It makes me wonder just how often it happens without me knowing about it. How many people have said that about me and no one has ever spoken up? If only more people would speak their minds...

So, now, I am listening to Adema and Pocahontas, and wishing I had $40 right now, so I could go back and get Rent now that I know it came in, and maybe impress another guy or two. LOL! Life can throw you for a loop some times.

current mood: embarrassed
current music: The Way You Like It - Adema

My Nose Piercing Closed Up!

Well, to start off, the nose piercing I had done nearly a year ago all on my own? It finally closed up thanks to work's rules about no jewelry in the kitchen... Just freaking great...

So now I have come up with a new plan, It will involve re-piercing it, of course. Why do I do so, you ask? Because I have always wanted one since I knew they existed, which was at a very young age. They have always been something I wanted for sooooo long, though my mom had never let me have it done. Once I moved out on my own, it became a choice I had gotten to make on my own, and I finally did it. Something of my own free will, in which my mother couldn't stop me from doing since I was my own boss. Not only that, but I just think they're cute :-)

Now, as for the new plan... I shall re-pierce it, and once that is done, in order to keep it from closing, I shall take the post off of another earring and wear that while I am working. Hopefully it won't show when I wear it. The customers might see a dot, but it's hard for them to see over the counter.

I used to do that, but had forgotten about them when I started taking it out for work. I have one for my eyebrow too, because I REALLY don't want to risk that one closing up. I had to have that one done at some shop, and it cost $35 for it.

The only other one I REALLY want is the lip ring in the center (a labret), but I'm pondering how I could get around having to take that out at work... How could/would I be able to wear something that the standard vision couldn't see? *ponders*

current mood: hopeful
current music: Giving In - Adema

My New Favorite Movie/Musical - Moulin Rouge

WARNING... For those of you who have not seen it, this might contain spoilers to Moulin Rouge. I just highly recommend this, so I decided to talk about it, and tell the story. That is all.

Ok... I have been into Moulin Rogue for a while now. I guess you could say that it's my second favorite musical besides Phantom of the Opera. It shall always be number one. Then Moulin Rogue, and then Jekyll and Hyde.

Hmm... *looks at that little list* I see a pattern... Good love stories that have tragic endings... I'm a sucker for those, I guess. Ok, ok. I'm a sap. No, wait... A sap would be someone who adores happy endings. I like tragic ones. Ok... Call me twisted then. *evil grin*

Anyway... I had wanted to see the movie, thinking it would be a regular movie about the story behind the whole Moulin Rouge thing, expecting a movie like any other movie Nicole Kidman would have been in. Never did I expect a musical, of all things.

So mom, thinking the same thing, had bought it, and we watched it a few months ago. But then... as I watched it... something happened. It wasn't an ordinary movie. They... They had started singing! Well, that turned mom's attention away from it, whereas mine had me glued to the screen.

But more than that, it was a story about love. Of all things... love. The one thing that had both caused me such pain and such happiness all at one time. The one thing that drives me to insanity, yet keeps me far from it. The one thing that saves me... brings me life anew... a fresh breath of living to my soul, and yet kills me every waking day... ripping out my bleeding heart from my chest... sucking the marrow from my bones... acting as a black hole for all my happiness... LOVE.

Well, mom had went upstairs as the movie progressed. The music was good. The storyline was getting interesting - the lead lady of a gentleman's night club falling in love with a writer for their new show (by accident), their own story being transformed into the show so they could sneak around together.

However, she was supposed to be "hands off" to all men, besides the one funding the whole production. The Duke. The only thing about that, was that she wasn't in love with the Duke. She found that she was in love with the poor writer, just as he was completely in love with her. It was their main obsession for one another, both loving for what seemed to be the first time.

Finally, opening night came and she was supposed to sleep with the Duke. That was his...er... "reward" for funding the show, a payment decided before she ever met her love, the writer. "Come What May", she told him, which was the song they had promised to one another. That promise being - whatever came their way, come what may, they would always love one another, and nothing would ever change that.

So she went off to do the deed, and he was driven mad that night, not being able to bear the thought of her in the arms of another man... even just being eyed by that creep. But her love was too strong. She could not complete the transaction. The Duke knew that she had been going behind his back with the writer, as well, so he was going to TAKE his payment. However, he got knocked out, allowing her to escape.

The two were to elope with one another, when she found out that she was dying... Not only that, but if the Duke saw the writer anywhere around the area again, he would have him killed. That, and the show's ending was going to be changed.

The show - it was supposed to be about a Courtesan who fell in love with a Sitar player, when she was supposed to be betrothed to the Evil Maharajah. Well, the Sitar player has a secret song... their real song... which is supposed to help them flee the Evil Maharajah, and live together in love. Well, the Duke, being represented by the Evil Maharajah, had caught onto this story and declared that the ending be changed so that the Courtesan decided that staying with the Evil Maharajah was a much better choice than staying with the poor Sitar player.

So Satine, the main woman... the Courtesan, if you will... had to tell Christian, the writer, that she coudln't love him. She had to lie to him, telling him that she could never love a poor writer, just so that he would leave, and his life would be saved. This way, she could die without him being hurt in the process, and he wouldn't get killed by the Duke for looming around.

Deeply hurt, he stayed in his room, seeming nearly dead to the world anyhow. But his friend, John Leguizamo's character, had basically told him that she still loved him, and he honestly believed it himself because he believed in the power of love. Christian didn't want to hear it, though. But after his friend left, the doubts lingered. He had to make sure.

He took off to the Moulin Rouge to see Satine once more, not knowing that both of their lives were on the line. Eventually, through a big chase-down, he gives her a piece of his mind, and how she hurt him. However, this display happened on the stage in front of everyone during a live show. Then, as he was walking out, his friend yelled out the phrase that meant everything to him.

The greatest thing you'll ever learn... is just to love... and be loved in return...

Feeling betrayed by that phrase, he started walking out yet again. Suddenly, Satine had to let him know. Had to confess her love to him one final time. She had strength enough to rise and sing out to him their ballad... Come What May. Once she did so, he realized that she loved him all along, and they joined hand in hand once more. The Duke, however, had left in the middle of it all, not before trying to fire a shot at Christian.

But luckily, he didn't get a good shot, and left them to one another. The curtains closed on a brilliant show, and he could finally hold her in his arms, having her all to himself. She, the same. But... that was when her final bout of sickness kicked in... She was slipping... fast...

He held her tightly as she fell to the ground, coughing up blood. He hadn't known what was wrong, but simply held onto her, keeping her as close to him as he could as her life was being drained for good, obviously trying to hold onto her as she was slipping away. She whispered what she could to him that he must go on. He had to live to tell the story... And that she loved him... With that, she died.

And so I sat there watching... My eyes wide and my cheeks wet with tears, seeing that the movie held true to it's description. It was indeed a story about love. The kind of love I would die for, just like Satine. Just to have that one person to love, and have them love me in return. That undying love, that come what may... It will always be there no matter what were to happen.

Thus, began my love for that movie/musical. My love for love. My obsession with it. So if you see me talk about the songs from it here and there... If I mention it... It's because I've got it on my mind. Not the movie, mind you. No... I mean love.

Sadly, the more I think of this movie, the more I take a look at it, and take a look at myself... The more I feel alone. The more I get saddened, because I want a love like that. I guess that's what makes it such a great movie, actually. The fact that something like that can exist... And that's all I ask for in this world.

So to close this long thread, and put you all out of your misery, I will leave you with that infamous Moulin Rouge quote:

The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love... and be loved in return...

current mood: lonely
current music: Come What May - Moulin Rouge Sountrack 2

Multitasking

Whoa... I feel like I've been avoiding my journal... Man, with chatting all the time, keeping up with this, the DE board, and the VH board is quite a job. I'm always chatting, so I get distracted, and don't tend to these things, let alone take the time to write. The chats, though... They're so much fun! I love them, they are great!

Thought I would leave an update for everyone. I don't feel like fixing my schedule, so I'll tell you all here: I don't work Wednesday, thank goodness, and as for Saturday, I only work 5-8 instead.

As for those of you who wonder what boards I'm always talking about are, they are here:
DE board - X-Men Dark Evolutions:
http://pub45.ezboard.com/bxmendarkevolutionsrpg
VH board - Virtual Hogwarts:
http://vh.7dragons.net/index.php
And now? It seems like I've been asked to join a Star Wars RP board, but I won't post the link until I am certain.

Now I need to make MORE journal entries: There is a song that has me feeling so-so that I have been playing on repeat... a cool dream I had maaaaaany nights ago... stuff I can't really say to anyone but I can always put down better by writing, stuff like that. Er... after I make oooooooone more post on the role play boards! *snickers* I swear... Just one, and that's IT! I promise. Quit looking at my crossed fingers! lol

Current Mood: okay
Current Music: Lemon - U2

Sleep, and Lack Therof

I didn't get to bed until 4:00 AM, and since I only had four and a half hours of sleep the night before, my eyes were really bloodshot. Then, mom came home and woke me up at 9:00 in the morning so that we could go pay rent, pick up my new blankets for my new bed, and get some groceries.

However, she saw my eyes were red, and knew I didn't get any sleep. So, since she was tired as well, and it was so cold outside, she told me I could lay back down, and we would go tomorrow. I feel a lot better now. *grins still a little bit sleepily* Moms... You gotta love them. I know I can be irresponsible sometimes...

The thing that sucks is that I'm about to go to work. The night shift sucks! The day was a lot better. It wasn't so busy, and there was no stress to get the pizzas done, and have 10 more calling while you were still trying to make one. But, we do what we must. People! Quit ordering pizzas! lol At least I found shoes that don't hurt my feet as badly.

So... *hugs to you all* I miss you all most on these days...
To Rhi: I hope you get to feeling better, sweetie. I left a reply in your last DJ entry.
To Star: We all miss you too! And I'm sure Wheezy will turn up eventually. *hugs*
To Amber: I hope you read my last entry so you know what's going on, and why I didn't make the characters yet.
To Tempy: I miss you and I can't wait to see the next installment of the murder mystery *smiles, hugs, and kisses*
To the rest: *big glomps*
Toodles!

Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: All That You Can't Leave Behind - U2

Quickie for Amber (Role Play Stuff)

Quick entry... Mainly for Amber about our X-Men role play...

Amber: sorry dear, but I couldn't get those applications posted tonight :-(  I know, I know, I'm horrible! I say I'm going to do something and then leave you hanging... I have to get my butt to bed, though, so I will most likely do them later tonight when I get home from work.

If you DO have preferred pics of Deryck and Spike, just send them to my mail, I'll fix 'em up, slap 'em on my site, get users for them, and make their applications as soon as I can. *hugs and kisses* Thanks, doll.

P.S. Did you like my last Stone Dust reply? *snickers* Your Max is quite the spunky one! I can't wait to bring in Spike to teach her a lesson *winks*

current mood:  hyper
current music: Can't Fight the Moonlight - Coyote Ugly Soundtrack

My Plans For Tonight

So... I didn't come back last night after I said I would... Oh well. My computer had frozen up, and I just decided to shut it off since I had to get up at 9 anyway and go to work from 10 - 2. My schedule has changed a bit, so I'll be updating that ASAP.

As for X-Men RP news, I'm looking for a tiny picture to use of Michael Keaton. I've decided that he will be my news reporter that I've been wanting to create for so long. His name will be - Jeordie "The Man" Mann. *snickers* He's going to be SUCH a mutant-hater, too. I LOVE mutants. The X-Men were my role models, and still are, for so long in my life. Him? Not so much :-D Hey, you have to play bad characters too, sometimes, you know?

And then I figured while I'll be uploading pics to my site to use, I will also upload ones for my guy characters for my friend Amber's girls, so they can all get their groove-on started. (Eventually my guy characters will be the boyfriends of her girl characters, is what I'm trying to say here.) *waits for Amber to glomp her and beams* Yes, I know, I know. You love me. *MUAH* to you, too, dear.

And, mom asked me to eat her chicken stuff that she made. She sent it on email. Guess she knew I would hop online first thing. *snickers* So I'll be doing that, and bringing up a load of laundry. So here's the plans that I hope to do tonight:

1: get food and bring up the basket
2: upload pics and create applications
3: role play a bit on DE (X-Men Dark Evolutions board)
4: send my song to Tempy, if he wants it (I won't blame him if he don't! lol)
5: maybe post on the VH (Virtual Hogwarts) board
6: Try to find a good site for my new homepage. I really need to start working on one so I can show it to people I know, and make pages for all my characters.

These will work in any order. *big smiles* I am a little grumpy, however, that I didn't dream, since I only had 5 hours of sleep. Usually when I dream, it's when I get more than enough sleep. But that's ok. I have too many dreams to post about as it is. I'll add that to my list, too. Write about previous dreams... ok... I'm going now.

Current Mood: productive
Current Music: Smooth Criminal - Alien Ant Farm

Like-Minded Pagans

It was awesome! FINALLY, a GOOD day at work! I worked with this chick named Amy, whom was the one who trained me. She was cool. I also worked with this other chick with dark hair, whom was always so nice to me when I would just come to Casey's as a customer. If you haven't figured it out yet, I work at Casey's Convenience Store as a cook in their "Carryout Pizza" section.

Well, I found out today that they are both Pagans! I was so overjoyed. Finally there were like-minded people that I could speak openly with about my views and the things I think about. Amy and I talked about it for a while. She said that she had been into learning about it in high school, but had drifted from it after getting married. But then she met the other chick (whom also has some wicked-cool tattoos - I'm sorry, I just don't know her name yet), whom had told her in confidence that she was into it as well.

Well, after talking to Amy about how awesome the tattoos were on the other lady, she told me that they both were. I was all happy. We talked about tarot, the books that she was lent, and the ones I had lost, how she was teased at school for being into it, and a few other things that were on our minds. Come to find out - we had some of the same books!

We couldn't talk about it much, though, because it was closing time, so I had to crack down on my work and get things cleaned and shut off. I'm just so glad I found that out, though. Now I feel like all of the pain and suffering I was going through - all of the things I hated about work - they were for a reason. EVERYTHING happens for a reason. It was so that I could meet these ladies whom I obviously had to be destined to meet. Now? Work is worth it. I think I'm going to enjoy coming in when I have people like them to work with.

I'm curious, though... Is this part of the spell I did during my initiation back in September? See... I was being initiated into Wicca as a Nemophyte - a Witch in training, by my bestest friend Tahnee who had long known about Wicca and Paganism. Well, the spell I did to go along with it, was to find other Wiccans to help me grow in the ways of the craft, and learn more.

That could explain why I had moved to where I live now, and work at the place where I do, because maybe it was in my path, or part of the spell, to come across these two. I thought that having to move away from my friends was a curse, but maybe this is the reason why? Maybe these new people are here to teach me more. But only time will tell. We shall see. So I will stop talking about work again for now, since I am content for the night.

After I post some on the X-Men RP, I shall return with a few more things to babble on about. Right now, I just feel like I could dance on the wind  :-D

current mood: jubilant
current music: Closer - Nine Inch Nails

Work and Dream Stuff

I'm actually ready to go back to work today. After all, it's a Tuesday, and I'm hoping I won't be TOO busy. I said that if there was a night when I wouldn't be making too many pizzas, and my feet wouldn't hurt, then I wanted to give the place a good scrub down. It needs to be cleaned, badly. Previous workers didn't take care of it too well, and it shows. And from the looks of things, I'll still be off tomorrow, and the next few days won't be so bad, either. It's that many-day-in-a-row thing that I don't look forward too...

I had an interesting dream last night. It involved this odd cartoon that I had watched a little while before going to bed (I don't know what it was called), and some video games. I also dreamed about a quiz that I had taken a few days ago. Both things were mixed, and the video game was about the odd cartoon.

I tried playing it, but had no idea how it was supposed to work. It involved some joysticks, virtual reality hookups (headgear, gloves), and may other attachments, in which I couldn't even recognize. And then this stranger, some guy around my age or so, had come in and started playing it, showing me how it was done. When the game was all over, that is when I recognized the characters on the game as from being on the cartoon. I hadn't noticed before. Since the game was over, and we didn't have much to do, we started talking, getting to know one another.

Then the bad part came. He lit up a cigarette. I could smell it thickly, too. It probably came into my dream after having trying to hold back the choking at work, when my boss was talking to me, and her trails of smoke from her cigarette kept getting right in my face. If you don't know this already, I do NOT like cigarettes. I'm a singer, why would I?

Then in my dream, our families knocked on the door, and said we were all going to go out and eat. They had been getting to know each other, and that's why we were stuck in the room playing video games together. So we all went off to dinner, and then I quit dreaming.

I'm glad that my mom woke me up early, though, so I could spend an hour or so online. And this way, it gave me time to change my attitude about work before going in today. So now, I'm off to read posts the the X-Men board that I play on, and to reply if it doesn't freeze up my computer with all of those pop-up ads, since this computer is soooooo ooooooold. That, and I'm going to read my friends' journal entries. I try to read all of them, because it's a good way to see how their lives are going, and what they have been up to, even if I don't get to talk to them most of the time. *smiles*

Current Mood: calm
Current Music: When I Come Around - Green Day

Song Dissection, Come What May

A song to dissect...

Ok, ok... I couldn't resist... I had to post the lyrics about Come What May, and talk about them... but I still will not admit to being obsessed with the movie. I am not obsessed with Moulin Rogue... I'm not. And that's that. Simply put. Hrmph!

What? You don't believe me? I never get obsessed with ANYTHING. I swears upon the precious. What's that? You think I'm lying? Would I lie to you? Don't answer that... Okay, OKAY! I'm obsessed with Moulin Rouge. THERE. I SAID it! Sheesh... ;-)

Anyway... What I plan to do is put the lyrics in bold, and write my dissection of the song in regular print. I know, I know. It's bad to dissect a song because everyone sees and feels things differently, but I wanted to pick one and talk about how or what I think or hope about it. It's actually a good way to reflect on things. So... here goes.

Never knew I could feel like this...
Like I've never seen the sky before.
When a person falls in love... Their whole world seems to change. The world seems much brighter... The sky looks more blue than it ever could have. You take notice in such beautiful, wonderful things. And when one feels that way, it's like - you never thought it could have been possible.

Want to vanish inside your kiss...
Everyday I love you more and more.
When you are with the one you love, and are truly in love with them, your whole world could just melt away, as long as you had them. And sometimes you almost wish it would. All you want to do is live and breathe them, and escape from everything and everyone else.

Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing?
Telling me to give you everything.
One's heart... *shakes head with a smile* One's heart is good at having one do strange things for love. Doing things they wouldn't have bothered with before. They take down boundaries they have spent a lot of their lives putting up. They change themselves just for that person. They would gladly give up everything just for that person, and that person's love.

Seasons may change, winter to spring...
But I love you until the end of time.
Changes may happen. Even the world all around will take it's tosses and turns. But no matter what changes take place, the love will always remain.

Come what may... Come what may,
I will love you until my dying day.
No matter what happens... No matter the changes... No matter what crises, happy moments, or downright deathly days come around, come what may, two people who really love one another could make it though anything. They could last though everything. All, until they can't love anymore. When they die. That's something I long for the most. Just to have someone all to myself to love madly, and have them love only me just as much, forever and always.

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place.
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace.
When in love, nothing else in the world that is going wrong could possibly matter as much as the risk of losing your love. But since you are in love, why care about it's petty problems? Not when you have the only thing that matters in your life right next to you. But... Since you see nothing wrong with it, it now appears to be more beautiful than you could have ever imagined. You take in the more beautiful things of life with a better recognization. Romeo and Juliet no longer is a story about tragedy, but one of great romance.

Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste.
It all revolves around you.
Without someone to lighten up your day, one can feel downright useless... So hopeless... Like they have nothing to live for. That all they did in their life amounts to nothing without someone to share it with. That one special person you love is that key.

And there's no mountain to high, no river too wide.
Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side.
Again, no matter what the obstacles... Just remember that come what may, you two are there for one another. Your love can get you through it.

Storm clouds may gather and stars may collide...
But I love you until the end of time.
Storms may brew, giving you nothing but lightning strikes of problems everywhere you turn... Stars may collide, and the end of the world might come near. But no matter what, as long as you die in that person's arms... As long as you two are together... That can be all that matters. You could die happily with them, or even more sadly... for them.

Come what may... Come what may,
I will love you until my dying day.
Again, no matter what. How wonderful that must be... The rest is just repeated lyrics, no doubt to proclaim that they have that love, and insist that no matter what, they will love one another, even saying it one more time to announce it to the world.

Oh come what may... Come what may
I will love you...
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Come what may... Come what may,
I will love you until my dying day!

*sighs* Maybe I'll be one of the lucky few to get such a thing someday. One only knows I understand it well enough. But yet, love is blindness. I could even be so blind to it not to even see it's there. Sadly, I always seem to be on the outside. I just wish there was someone to come along, take me by the hand, smack some sense into me, and just let me know directly. Maybe it's been there all along and I just can't see it? Maybe it just needs to hit me like a ton of bricks for me to realize it... But maybe people are like me, and don't want to push anything into coming to be. Maybe they just want someone to tell them directly, as well... Maybe I should stop waiting, and be the one pursuing instead...

Regretfully, I feel I will never be touched like that. Maybe I just feel too deeply about love. Or maybe I just want it so much that it thinks I can wait and won't lose interest in it before it gets to me, but by then, I'll be old and haggard. I would rather die of a tragic heartache than wait that long.

If there is one thing that drives me to the point of losing any sanity I have left, it is love. It can be so cruel as to turn it's back on you, taunting you with people you can't have, but fall deeply for. And then again, it can be the blood of life, being what you thrive on, and could live the rest of your life upon.

Maybe that's how it is. We do live our life on love, and whomever has the richest blood is more successful in love, and maybe those who are ill of it don't have as much love in their life. Anyway... I'll quit rambling now, and post this. That was my song dissection #1.

current mood: melancholy
current music: Come What May - Moulin Rouge Sountrack

My Work Schedule

I'm actually going to post my schedule for all of my friends to know when I will and won't be online. It's better just to post it on here for you all to see since I never actually get to talk to any of you any more! :-( It starts as of tomorrow (Tuesday, February 26, 2002). Timezone is Central. Today, I am off (thank goodness!), and all of these are evening shifts. Never do I go in early in the morning, or stay until late at night. (Example: 10 - 2 is in the afternoon and such)

I will also list the days when my mom is off work, (basically Fridays and Saturdays) because on those days, I can't get online much, either, since we share the computer. So...

EDIT: I HAVE DELETED THE OLD SCHEDULE THAT ONCE HAUNTED THIS SPOT.
I will keep them updated and deleted, as time goes on. I just took this old one off so that no one got it confused with the most recent ones.

Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Crawling - Linkin Park

My Love of Snow

I thought today, I would talk about snow, if anything else, because I had just woken up to see it snowing outside, between the shades of the window. A light blurry haze of moving speckles, causing such a brightness to shine though from outside.

It started off ever so lightly, lacing the rooftops with a thin layer of snow. Then, as it progressed, growing more heavy, the flakes getting plumper and thicker, the grass started becoming white, but you could still see the blades, like tiny needles, shooting up through it.

And now, it has died down, so that you barely see the flakes dancing around, spiraling to the ground, looking for a spot to lay their fragile forms. A heavy blanket has now covered the grounds, bushes, and even the skeleton trees that had just started to gain new life after shedding their past one only a few months back.

You would think I would be tired of snow after that short time period of living in Nebraska last year, in which case the snow was waist high, and even a whole person high in some areas... But I had missed it. It's just so beautiful. Snow shall forevermore be enchanting, no matter how old I get. I remember being a wee lass back in the day, feeling sorry for those unfortunate kids who had to grow up in warmer climates without ever seeing or feeling the joys of snow.

It's so beautiful to see a woman with such an elegant and graceful beauty, be in the snow, smiling, talking to her love, and to see the snow falling upon her, putting little sparkling jewels all within her hair. Or to feel the snow tickle your nose as it falls, or kiss your eyelashes upon landing on them. To see cheeks reddened by the cold, and warming them back up by a hot bowl of soup. Or perhaps seeing the gothic appeal of it when it lays within the graveyards, giving them more of a death feeling, making them seem all the more creepy.

Or how about the sheer joy of just seeing a change outside? It would get so boring to see the same old grass and the same old colors... A drastic change is always nice. And... the calm and content feel one gets when just sitting and watching it fall. There's something so peaceful about snow. And how about the color? White... The color of purity and innocence.

And though, beautiful it may be, it can also be quite destructive. Snow means that the water is freezing, which means ice. Ice can cause accidents. Too much snow for too much time can cause trouble for stranded people, too. They can die if out in it for too long.

It's kind of ironic how we call it a blanket of snow, and yet it is so cold. Sometimes I wonder if mother nature prefers it that way, like we prefer a warm blanket? Does the changing weather make her hot, so she puts on a cold blanket, like how it makes us cold, so we put on a warm one?

And what is it that draws people to such a thing? It's merely frozen water, falling as rain would, only...frozen. I find it quite interesting how many people are attracted to it, and the feeling they get about it. I do notice strong feelings attached to it, though. Either people really love it, or they really hate it.

I really love it, because it just gives me this special feeling inside. A more calm, attached to nature kind of feeling. Kind of like how Persephone must have felt if she saw it, being reminded of her mother's pain for her daughter being away. She must have missed being back home with her, both of them taking care of the lands and nature.

And yet, some people despise it, because they say it's too cold, or they hate to drive in it. They say it's nothing but a mess. Maybe in a city, yes, where the pollution gives it a dingy brown or black color. But have they ever took the time to sit and watch it fall in the woods? Or in a calm place where no distractions could be made? It's a beautiful thing to behold, really.

Perhaps I am most fond of snow because of one of my earliest memories? I was not even a year old yet... Just a babe in my mother's arms. She was taking my brother and I to my grandma's house. I didn't know why at the time, but I later came to find out that she had to go into the hospital for a while, and she needed my grandma to help take care of us. All I know is that I felt SO MUCH love coming from her. I remember the car door opening (on the passenger side) and as she got out with me, the snow was falling on my face. She covered my face up with my baby blanket, and walked around the car and up to the door. She knocked, and I remember seeing my grandma open the door. I didn't know what was being said... Not that I can remember... but I just remember the snow and the love. Maybe that's where my strong attachment to snow comes from?

Anyway, that ends my talk on snow today. I feel quite content now as I look out the window in between thinking of things to say. I'm glad I got to see it again. It's been a nice change as of late.

Current Mood: content
Current Music: La Vita Nuova - Hannibal Soundtrack

VH (Virtual Hogwarts) Fan Fic Quidditch Teams

I started getting info from people I'll be using as characters in my story, and so far, I only have complete and final listings for the Gryffindor and Slytherin Quidditch teams.

Gryffindor
Keeper: Josh
Seeker: Harry Potter
Beaters: Ron Weasley and Wheezy
Chasers: Star, Mandee, and Ginny Weasley (Xenos as a reserve player when Ginny gets hurt. Our board has Reserve players, so it's going to go well.)

Slytherin
Keeper: Deus
Seeker: Draco Malfoy
Beaters: Candice and Darkwolf
Chasers: Tempy, Sashya and Iggy

As for the rest of the teams, I hardly have anything for the Hufflepuffs. Hufflepuffs and I don't get along so well... So therefore, I don't know who would be best at what. I know I'll include Kame and Andrew Estrada. They're pretty big on their posting, so I would know or like them more than any others. So far, for Ravenclaw, I have:

Ravenclaw
Keeper: Cicero
Seeker: Cho
Beaters: Sam and Krow
Chasers: Itsy, Jex, Benny

This is not the standing team for Ravenclaw... This is just an idea until I do a bit more looking around. Good? Bad? What do you think? I like the Gryffindor and Slytherin teams so far. *smiles and nods*

Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: Something by the Weird Sisters (a Harry Potter created band)

I work way too hard...

This sucks... I mean, it's good that my boss (both old and new ones) thinks so highly of me, but I wish I didn't have to become a cripple for it. I mean, the job is easy and all, and it wouldn't be so bad, if only I didn't have to stand for 11 hours. That's nearly half a day of standing! I'm not used to that! Especially since I can't find any shoes that seem to help at all. It hurts bad enough when I'm at work, but when I get home and get off of my feet? Good luck getting back up! Once I sit down and give my feet a rest, I can't stand back up without wanting to cry in pain... It feels like knifes are going into my heels :-(

But if I keep focused on the money, I believe I can keep going... It's just the pain... And I wish it wouldn't keep me out so late that I miss a lot of my friends online. My bestest friends live two hours away from me, so the only way to keep in touch with them is through the internet, and I also have a lot of online friends now that I'll miss talking to. Especially Tempy. He goes to bed too early, in my opinion. hehehe ;-D *glomps him anyway, though he's sleeping* It's a good thing, though. At least if he gets enough sleep, he won't fall asleep in his classes, making the mistake I did. When I worked at KFC, they used to keep me there until about 1:00 in the morning, so I ended up falling asleep in class all the time. I did a lot of bad things that I shouldn't have in school, but the point is - stay awake in school, and do your homework! *big smile and thumbs up* If only I took my own advice... oy!

Anwaaaay.... back to the subject at hand... What was I saying? My brain has been scrambled from all that...oh yes! Work. That was it. Speaking of... It messes me up when I'm there too long, too. I go to answer the phone, and I start stuttering like Professor Quirrell! (For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about - he's a Harry Potter Professor who stutters a lot.) I'm all like - Hello! Th-Thank you f-for calling Casey's Carry-Out Pizza. Th-This is Candice, m-may I help you?

At least I'm off tomorrow... I just dread what's coming up... I won't have ANY days off for quite a while, and I'll be working the standard 4-11:30, so I won't get to talk to my evening friends... *sighs with frustration* Gotta look on the bright side, though. At least it's not 11 hours!

So now, I'll quit talking about work, and move on to other subjects. Geeze... Seems like I can't escape it. You would think I would be happy that I'm getting "promoted", but it makes me aggravated off that it means more work! But that's the way the system works... At least when I'm zoning out, in case which my body works like a robot, automatically making pizzas, while my mind is off in it's own little world, at least I get to come up with journal entry ideas. So... onto a fresh new post.

current mood: frustrated
current music: Movies - Alien Ant Farm (darn you Amber! lol)

Working and Shopping

Well, I'm home for work, but have to go again. I'm going shopping! Yay! That's not so bad ;-D Sadly, I work again tomorrow, standard 4-11:30, that's 5-12:30 board time. But at least mom will be working, so I can get online as soon as I get home. *joy!*

About the cut on the leg thing - Thanks to those who cared. *smiles* However, I don't think it's too bad as it looks. I do see that it's been cut deep in a small part of it, but most of it looks like it's just skin damage, like when you get pinched so hard that it draws blood, but you're not bleeding, and that spot stays there for a while. It's on my right hip. I know it's going to leave a scar, at the least. It is bruised a bit too, but that's probably because of when I banged into the thing that cut it. I'm just glad I can still work. More work means more money... evil thing, that is. *mumbles*

So I'm off to do some shopping. Hopefully I get something new. Mom might let me get some yarn so I can learn to crochet, so I can make an awesome fuzzy black and red blanket for my bed. Then, the better I get, the more black and red arrangements I'll have in my room. *evil grins* A whole room full of goth-themed crocheted items! Even the walls. Tacky? Yes... But it would be GLORIOUS!

So... goodnight to all!
*hugs*

Current Mood: satisfied
Current Music: It's Electric, boogie-woogie-woogie - (I forgot who sang it)

Money and Work

Work is vile. Work is evil. Work is just something some cranky old square had made up because he didn't like the idea of "easy money". Why do we even have money? Let's just do away with money all together, and make replicators. Then, everyone will have what they want, and then won't want any more. Money is all just a scam anyway! Where does it come from? It's not grown. It's not like tomatoes. You can't just say "Okay, I could only grow so many tomatoes this year, so I'll trade you 10 tomatoes for 5 cucumbers." No, no, no... Money can be MADE. That's why those who make it are so rich. They can make as much as they want, and then set out as much as they want for all of us to fight over. And why do we? Because we think they money system works. Does anyone ever think about those higher up who are in charge of it? Digital money? That's a joke! Digital money doesn't even exist. It's just an idea in our heads based off of a credit system. Once again, it's there because we think the money system works. One added 0 on a keypad can make all the difference when it comes to money done digitally. It's all very, VERY ridiculous! It all just depends on who is in charge.

Bah... I'm just tired, that's all. I had worked a Friday... Fridays are hell for pizza makers, if a hell existed. That's when EVERYONE wants pizza! But at least I had gotten a paycheck. My first one for this new place. Only $75 for working three days. I feel quite good about that.

Sadly, I got my first injury at this new place, too. It's about a two inch gouge on the side of my leg, where a piece of plastic dug into me while I was dashing over to answer the phone, and it ripped me open. I had to answer three phone calls before I could tend to it, too. *sniffles* Luckily, it didn't hurt too bad. Actually, it's swollen and quite numb right now... *wonders if that's a good thing or a bad thing* Most likely a common thing, I suppose? I hardly get hurt like that so I wouldn't know. After all, I'm the one who has never had any broken bones! :-D

Anyway, I came home tonight hoping to be online for a while and to chat, but I forgot that my mom was going to be home tonight. She's home tomorrow night, too, which means I probably won't be able to get online that much. I really need my own computer! And I know she's just looking out for me, too, not wanting me to be online all of the time, but... I just LOVE the internet so much! *petpet* It's like a way for me to access the world that I don't really ever get to access living in a small town like this. The good thing is that I only work from 5-8 tomorrow night, which, of course, is 6-10 board time, so maybe I can catch up then. For now? i must take a shower and go to bed like a good girl... girl, so I must depart.

*hugs and kisses*
Sweet dreams to you all.
Me.

Current Mood: working
Current Music: What About Us - Brandy

Stuff...

Well, I had a dream last night and the night before, but I'll wait until I have more time to post them. I have to go to work soon, and am trying to get everything done ASAP before I have to get offline and get ready. Last night's made me sad, and the one the night before was an awesome-sci-fi-action-packed dream!

Just wanted to leave this for those of you who might wonder where I'll be, since I won't be online. I'll be working... *mumbles and grumbles* until around 12:30 - board time.

I had also spent a good two hours working on story ideas for my fic last night. I'm still not too sure on what to make the main plot be, but some ideas are just now starting to form in my head... I will mainly be working on the book about people on our board, and some of the events that happen on the board will be included in it, as well. I'm thinking of making us all sixth years, that way we're still old enough to have fun yet not on our last year, so I don't have to do any "graduation" type things.

Basically, this won't be a children's story. It will be the darker side of Hogwarts. Kind of a behind the scenes story. And with me being a Slytherin, you can imagine ;-) Things one wouldn't talk about to those who have shared the story. You know... the whole "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" kind of thing? Not an evil kind of story, but more one of passion, betrayal, suspense...and death. There will be some deaths. I'm hoping to get a tear jerking scene worked in, if possible.

It will be from the Slytherin point of view, myself being the main character, of course. Sadly, I wanted Fred and George to be in it, but I believe they will be gone by the time Ron is in his 6th year, won't they? But Josh and Wheezy will be in it to take their place, I suppose. They're always a pair of fun! And while I'm thinking of character roles: One quick reminder to self - Be sure to ask Tempy about his preferences in having a main role, when I see him next. For now, that's all I'll say about the story.

Aaaaannnndd... I smell SHRIMP! Mmmmmmm... *drools* yum! *joy!* Mom must be cooking it now. Yes! There's her calling me downstairs to eat right now. Must run! Ya'll know I loves me some "scrimps", just so yah know! ;-)

P.S. Please feel free to comment on any story stuff! Basically, some main ideas I have so far are having a Christmas Ball in remberence of the Yule Ball, a big vapire story, a secret society, the new muaraders, and Slytherin style parties. *wink*

Current Mood: hungry
Current Music: The Girl at the Rock Show - Blink 182

Tempy and His Homework

Warning: This journal entry has a little bit more of adult language. I'd recommend that only if you're 13+, should you read this. Any younger? Turn away now, please.

Well, since Tempy had taken off some time to catch up on his school work, he has missed some quite interesting things on the chats!

He missed the belly dancing that me and DW were doing. We found out that we both had the same belly dancing for beginners video, and started doing some of the moves! lol It was a blast. He missed the whole "Kama Sutra" discussion, so delightfully taken on by Josh and how he thought that certain positions were "tame". Hmm... *isn't sure know how to take that quite yet...*

He missed the figurative balls scene, in which AD made a comment along the lines of - 'Grf! Are we playing, or standing around rubbing our nuts?' Of course she meant figurative nuts, so I had to say that I had the biggest figurative nuts of all, and was wagging them around in circles.

Then there was the part in which DW and I got a little frisky. I wanted her to dominate me, and she threatened me with a spork. I was being a bad girl, and thought she would be the best one to punish me. Sadly... it didn't go far. I had to pull a Bill Clinton and say "I did not have sexual relations with that woman." *snerk*

It was all so much fun. I hope Tempy comes back soon! *nudges Temp* I feel like biting into him again. Maybe he can punish me better than DW. lol (only joking - for those of you who might get offended)

Current Mood:  devious
Current Music: Cake and Sodomy - Marilyn Manson

Pill Popper

I think I did a bad thing... and my body will be paying for it either later on or tomorrow.

Today, I had gotten two bottles of childrens' vitamins, because I saw them... They were there... and I like the way they taste. If I were a more stupid person, I might even be addicted to them. But I'm smarter than that, and know that what I did was bad, and I only do it maybe two times out of the year, if at all.

Anyway, what I had done was eaten all of them within one hour today. Two bottles worth! That's 90 tablets of childrens' chewable vitamins! That's 100% times 90, so I've taken 9,000% of the vitamins. I know it's a LOT, which would explain why I'm quite hyper. But... like I said, tomorrow, I will be paying for it. I know that right now, I have the biggest case of the munchies. But that could also be just because I'm hungry! lol  Obviously if I was craving them that bad, then my body is seriously lacking some kind of vitamin or nutrient, right? But I also know that too much of certain kinds of vitamins are very bad for you!

I know it was a stupid thing to do. But at least I didn't go further and take something more serious. It's not like I'm popping in vicodin or drugs like that. While growing up, my mom would always keep any of her prescriptions hidden from possible cases just like this. Yes, I'm a pill popper. If I got a headache? I pop in a pill. See a bottle of St. John's wort laying around? I pop in a pill. Get the sniffles? I pop a pill. Think I'll have a busy night at work and my body will be getting sore? I pop a pill. Everything has become so conventional and easy to access that way... But with childrens' vitamins and childrens' Tylenol, I eat those like candy! Why do they have to taste so good?

Anyway... comments are very welcomed at this point. I'm in the mood to chat, and you guys are probably thinking I'm crazy right now anyway! lol Thanks to Tempy for showing me how to get the comments to work! *big glomps and kisses* Thanks! *Joy!*

Current Mood:  hyper
Current Music: Don't Like the Drugs (But the Drugs Like Me)- Marilyn Manson

Making a Change

While I enjoyed my little refreshing break I just took offline, I had come to a conclusion. It's over.

What is, you may ask? My last ties to my ex. For a year, I have mourned the death of our love, but after a recent phone call to his family a few months ago, I've come to accept that he has moved on, and so should I.

I called and his brother answered. I just wanted to shoot the breeze, really. See how his life was going. Come to find out, his brother told me he joined the NAVY. So that means that he's taken the path of his life that he set before him, only I'm not in it. That's a good thing, actually, because that means I can move on, and I know that he has moved on, so I can accept that in his mind, he's gone to me forever.

You'll catch me talking about him once in a while. He was a big part of my life, so it's kind of expected, you know? After all, my mom always said, "You can never forget your first love". I'm just glad I can breathe again. What does this have to do with the title of this entry?

Well, when we were together, he would call me his Moon Goddess. I was his light in the dark. He, on the other hand, was the Knight of the Moon. My hero in shining armor. That, and the fact that every night, we would wish on the moon to be together one day, since he lived in California, and I lived in Middle America.

Those events led up to the term moon_wish, which became my internet name for everything. Well, I've decided that since everything has changed recently, I shall no longer go by that term, and I will be switching to the one I should have been using all along. Enigma_X *big smiles* THOSE are the changes I will be making. I guess you could call it an internet makeover? Either way, it feels good to be closing the chapter to one story, and now I begin a new one...

Current Mood: indifferent
Current Music: What About Us - Brandy

More Dreams

I've officially started making a little list of things I think of to put in my journal, since when it comes time to writing them, I forget what I was going to say.

This entry, however, is about some old dreams I had, inspired by the last post. I won't bore whoever reads this with every post being about dreams, though. I figured that I'll do two at a time, and change the subject.

So here are two more dreams I have posted for today, and then on to different things to write about. The first one is also a time traveling dream that I had about a month ago, and the second one is a dream I had years and years ago.

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In this dream, I lived in a mobile home like I used to when I was a kid. In the dream, I was a kid, too. Me, my brother, and a few friends. Well, we had been playing around the area where the washer and dryer were, and someone came up with the idea to play hide and seek. I forgot who was seeking, but I had climbed into the dryer to hide (because I used to climb into them just for fun when I was a kid. I love tight spaces. The other day... I was lying under my new bed. My mom was laughing at me because I'm almost 20, and I was hiding under the bed like a little kid. Hey! It reminded me of a cave, ok? I happen to love caves. Anyway...)

One of my friends had hid in the washer. Actually, they weren't really hidden, they had just stood in it. But as it started to spin, they were magically transported to some future time. That's how they were hidden when my brother, I believe, was trying to look for them. Maybe it WAS my brother doing the seeking... hmm...

So we finally came out of hiding to find them, because someone had been found, and the game was ready to start a new round, but that washer-hiding friend was no where to be seen. That was when they suddenly appeared, the washer spinning madly, and soon coming to a stop.

He told us everything about the future. It was pretty cool, actually. There were little boards that we could fly on, instead of cars that rode on the ground. There were awesome styled clothes. Very sci-fi looking with the shimmery fabrics and lights. As he spoke, I could see it all. Then, I don't remember what was after any of that.

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I had this dream many years ago. Basically, all it was, was me getting yellow plastic, painting over it with clear fingernail polish, sticking it in the microwave, and when it came out, it had turned to gold!

I would go and get anything of my Barbie stuff that was yellow plastic, paint on the clear nail polish, and stick it in the microwave, and someway, somehow, it magically changed. It was like a weird kind of alchemy, I guess? I don't really know... It's all dream logic! lol  My favorite treasure I had made, was a yellow skull head I had gotten from some "candy laboratory" (Doctor Dreadful's Freaky Food Lab) toy that they used to have when I was younger.

I painted it the yellow skull, put it in, and it came out as a gold skull. Joy! It was probably the coolest dream ever, because it meant I was rich! lol

And those would be it for a while. *crosses them off her list* That would be cool if impossible stuff like that were actually possible. *ponders* Can't say I'm willing to try it, though! hahaha

Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: Take On Me - A-Ha

Time Traveling Dream

(Note: This is a previous journal entry made a long time ago, when I used to use DeadJournal as my main social journal writing place.)

Wednesday, February 20th, 2002

Well, I had a dream that I remembered last night, since I slept like a sleeping fiend. This one, was set around the time of Leave it to Beaver. You know... with the whole "perfect family" ordeal...

Well, it didn't start that way. It started in the present time. I think I was in love with this guy who was waaaaay too much older than me. Well, if it hadn't been for his mind-set that age matters, then I'm sure he would have loved me too. So here I was, crying in my dream, when a few strangers, who looked like really cool geeks, (two guys and a girl I think) had told me that they could assist me.

They had said that they had made a time traveling machine, and wanted to test it out. One was also involved in psychology and was part of the testing. And since I was in the perfect kind of situation that they were looking for, they asked me if I would accept the mission. I, of course, agreed. That way, I could kill two birds with one stone. I'd get my love story, and they would get their research.

I don't remember exactly how... It was like a wave and ripple in the sky, and suddenly, everything around looked newer to me. I was in a park, by the way, sitting on a bench. And the trees... they were all so colorful and leafy. Everyone around was dressed in skirts, dresses, their hair was all neatly in place. The guys were in slacks and ties, and had their hair slicked back. It was the perfect little town.

The people who were with me, the cool-looking geeks, they were now dressed like hippies, and I would be the person to act in between the squares and the hippies. My goal - to get my love interest to change from being a "square", to being more of a hippie, and to give him the idea that age really and truly does NOT matter. Then, when I would return to normal time, I could try hooking up with him.

Well, I eventually found him, and we had a nice chat. But my time was almost up. Sort of like a Cinderella scene. I only had so long before I had to return home, so after we had started talking and getting to know one another, I was soon saying my hasty goodbyes, and hurrying along. I had returned to the present.

Well, they said we could try going again, but this time, I would have to avoid seeing myself. I agreed. So I returned to the point where I had just said goodbye, watching myself leave. That was a neat feeling. *smiles*

I let the guy walk alone for a bit, and popped in again. We started talking more, and I introduced him to the idea. He said it was a good one, and I let him try on my hippie glasses. He looked pretty cool wearing them. From what I can remember, I know that he finally became a cool dude instead of a tightwad.

Then I returned to the present and quit dreaming. I never got to see what happened. I hope things turned out for the best. I slept without any dreams that I could remember for a little bit longer, trying to get back into the dream, and then my mom woke me up.

Current Mood: curious
Current Music: No More Drama - Mary J. Blidge

Short Entry - Updates

Tomorrow - I get my new bed. Yippie! I HAD a daybed, but finally, at the age of 19, I'm getting a full-sized bed! lol

Today - I sat in a van for 6 hours while we drive back and fourth to take my brother back home, and come back to our home. Why does traveling always make me so tired? All I do is SIT there! lol  I love it, though. I could travel around the country all day and probably be happy :-D It reminds me of when we would take late night trips to my grandma's house, and I would sleep in the back seat, snuggled up with my blanket and pillow. There's just something comforting about that, you know?

Etc. - I am finally getting used to the fact that everything is gone. I can accept it, but I'm not happy about it. I still don't think I will EVER get over this. How do you get over losing a piece of your soul???

Must get off the net now. Mom stayed home sick tonight, and she made pizza. Yum. That, and after the long drive, I'm drained. Pizza, Code Red Mt. Dew, and sleep. Sounds good, doesn't it? ;-D

Current Mood: content
Current Music: Sweet Dreams - Eurythmics Style

A String of Dreams

Looking at Tempy's journal, and his dream article, had reminded me that I wanted to start writing down some of my dreams here. This would be a good place as any to keep track of them.

Let's see... *goes down the list in her head, for a few nights back, and scans for the oldest one she can remember*

Well, the most interesting one I had a while back (which also makes it a less clear one) had Twiggy (from Marilyn Manson) in it. He was going around, toying with everyone, kissing them, and making it seem like he liked them all. But basically, in the end, he would up liking me the most. Joy!

The night after that, I had a stupid dream about alligators, thanks to my mom's TV flipping right before I fell asleep. It was about little ones about the size of small children, running around in the floor of the house. There was furniture everywhere in which we could stand on to escape their snapping jaws. There were beds, couches, tables, etc. All in one tiny room. Hey... dreams can shift room appearances like that. Anyway, I was standing on a table, and Tempy was on a couch arm. We were looking down at the "gators" since they had taken a small break, and were talking. Now, I've never met or seen Tempy, but in my dream, that's who I felt who it was. We were talking about how to get out of the room. See... once we would get out of the room, we would be safe. They couldn't follow us out the door. Just some law of nature, I suppose. Anyway, everyone in the room, which included me, my mom, Temp, and a whole bunch of other strangers, which could have been VH (Virtual Hogwarts) friends, had decided that it was a good idea. After more gator snapping, we finally tricked the gators, all decided to go for it. We got to the edge of the bed, and everyone leaped for the door. My mom even went right before me, saying that it was only right, because she was my mother. I decided - fair enough. However, just before I was about to jump, a gator caught up to us all, and got in my way of leaping. I cried out to my mom for her to help me. There was no going back. They had already made it to the other furniture, and the bed was the only thing left. She yelled at me to fend for myself as she ran away, and I stood there, not able to get past them, feeling my end coming near. I woke up crying in that dream, because I knew it was all over. Stupid of me to cry, since it wasn't even a nightmare. It was a stupid dream based on some stupid movie that I pictured before drifting off... I don't seem to get nightmares, really.

The next dream I had was where I just bought a night club. No Doubt was going to come and play for it one night, and I was getting the club ready. I decided to make a wall of glass squares, each having a picture of them behind it, so it was a hall of their pics in a neat decoration. (If I had a scanner, I would scan it and show you...) Anyway, the band Kittie was there at the moment, and they came in, saying how it looked stupid, and they didn't like No Doubt, and how I was stupid for liking them. But they still liked me. In fact, they decided to help me get my lip pierced (labret). So I got a needle, sterilized it, and stuck it through my lip, which didn't bleed or hurt, strangely (but good for that!). Then I put a loop through it. That was pretty much all of that dream. I liked that one.

And that's all I've been able to remember as of late.

Current Mood: relaxed
Current Music: Hey Baby - No Doubt

So...

After my HORRIBLE day yesterday, at least I had someone there to help me from slipping even further into the rut. They were my buddies on AIM from the Hogwarts site I post on (or as well called it, VH! Virtual Hogwarts). It's a message board, but it's like my home away from home, or my virtual home, or my sweet escape!

Thanks to "Tempy", I was kept from going even further insane than what I already am, and he's also the one who helped me get my deadjournal looking the way I wanted it to. Thanks Tempy! *glomps him* I swear... If we could build a real-life community with these people? It would be the most awesome place on Earth to live! I love you guys... I really do! *squuuuuueeeeeze*

I also took a "What Mythological Creature Are You?" quiz, and found out that I'm a wood nymph! *smiles* For some reason, this makes me happy! I thought that was pretty cool. Thanks to Josh's DeadJournal. That's where I found it and took it at. I know my friend Star has some, and Malfoy had a few on his page, too.

*goes off to find some more to take* I'll be back as soon as I get done taking some of them.
^_^  (You like that happy face? I also learned how to do that from my VH friends!) xoxox
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: Mare's eat oats, and does eat oats, and little lambs eat ivy

Numb'ed

Numb'ed - A title supposed to be used for last night's entry, though it never made it to posting... This was supposed to be a post for last night, actually. It was to explain my hellish day, and how I felt like my whole life had been erased...

It started with my mom and I going down to Perryville, the old place in which we lived, to get our boxes and some extra furniture out of storage. We we had recently moved to a bigger place, and needed our things to fill up the empty spots. Plus, we were tired of doing without all of our things, and we wanted to bring our stuff up to our new place, which was moved about an hour and a half away.

We had left them there in my brother's possession, and he was supposed to get everything moved for us and put into storage, since he was going to be moving out anyway, so that he could move in with his girlfriend (my utter and complete enemy - but let's leave that for a different story...) and he wouldn't have room for our stuff at her place. He was moving with her, because his trailer was getting repossessed. So basically, he was supposed to take EVERYTHING to storage. He KNEW this. He even had plenty of time!

Turns out... He never did. All of my boxes of stuff that I had... all my art... all my objects which held precious memories... all my awards and certificates... all my movies, music and books... all my childhood things, all of my idea books, binders full of information, arts and crafts... all GONE.

I felt like my whole life had been erased. Everything I was before? It no longer existed! All of my personal belongings I had that showed the world what kind of person I was? No more... I wanted to cry so badly, and almost did, but I was worried that my mother would have done something mean to me. She already was yelling at me, telling me to get over it. Basically crushing my feelings, not caring about how I felt. But in truth? I am a material girl. Every object I had, I had for a REASON! I put value to everything I own, mentally. If I didn't like something I owned, chances were, I didn't own it. I had a memory attached to every little thing, right down to a single bead (which was all I had left from the first necklace I had ever made by hand).

Go ahead. Laugh. I know that you're most likely thinking that it's pathetic to keep so attached to petty objects. Go ahead and say that things can be replaced. That's exactly what she said. But what about my memories I had attached to those things? Those AREN'T replaceable! And I have nothing to show for them any more! How am I supposed to trust that they ever happened if I have nothing to show of it? I can't. I can't let go. I just can't! I don't have it in my heart. And I'll NEVER forgive my brother for it.

That is why I wanted to cry. But I couldn't. My brother was with us, and if I had cried, he would have started crying because he's sensitive like that, and then my mom would have been mad at ME. He's always her favorite. Always was, from my viewpoint. But that's another story to tell... Still - he KNEW this was coming. He KNEW he needed to get stuff moved. He KNEW we would be coming to get our stuff! WHY didn't he move things? WHY does he have to be such a procrastinator? WHY did he lie and tell us that he had everything moved, when CLEARLY he didn't? I hope you can hear the screaming and the pain and the HURT in my writing, because in my head, my emotions are doing just that.

So after I had found all of this out, I felt numb. Sort of like... I hadn't existed anymore. Like everything I had to show for my life was no longer in existence, so neither was I. Well, we finally had gotten things moved (the few things of my moms that he ACTUALLY moved), and made our way back home. My brother is staying with us for a few days, and we will take him back home tomorrow.

Luckily, I had just found out that at least SOME of my things were in four of my mom's boxes that were moved, so I have some things still with me. At least I will still have my baby pillow. It's a big cartoon-looking strawberry with a ladybug on it. But I lost my baby blanket... A few books... ALL of my art is gone, but at least I had gotten the good stuff put onto disks before this. Same with my photos. That's about it... Pathetic, huh?

Then we went to the store, and my mother got so mad at me for being indecisive on what kind of eyebrow rings I wanted to get. I wanted the better hoops in which I could use the bigger one as an eyebrow ring and the smaller one as a nose ring, but wanted to wait for the lady to come and unlock the jewelry case. My mom wouldn't let me wait for her, though. That, and she was mad because it was two dollars more. Whoopdy-doo! So I had to stick with the pack of rings in which I won't wear any but one of, because they're all hearts and hook-like hoop-wannabes for ears. I don't care too much for jewelry in my ears. I wear it on my face. And hearts? NOT my style...

So when I got home and got on the computer, I was in a bad mood for the whole night. Even the scrabble game I tried to play kept giving me trouble. It just wasn't my day. Try to blow off some steam by keeping my mind busy, and what do I get? Grief! *shakes head*

Current Mood: numb
Current Music: One Step Closer - Linkin Park

First Entry - First Warning

Alright, people, I got a new journal. Let the warnings be known to all by the all-mighty Candice:

First - I haven't gotten the properties of this thing worked out... yet, so if it sucks, bear with me. Either that, or suffer.

Second - Colors are good. Colors are my friends. I am known to use them a lot, too.

Third - Spelling/Grammar... My spelling and the way I write may not be all too perfect, but I don't care. Go ahead! Laugh at me for it.

Fourth - I'm not really as bad or as mean as I may seem. Really. I'm just using this journal as a place to vent my emotions on the things that affect me.

And Fifth - I may not post as much as I should, but that's because I don't take the time to. Yes, I procrastinate, and yes, I'm lazy. Oh, like there aren't any of you who aren't.

Now that that's all said and done... It is time for the feast to begin... Glut yourself upon my soul by filling your innards with my emotions in which I birth.

current mood:  moody
current music: Get This Party Started - Pink