Time Flies

"Ce qui monte doit descendre."
(No, I don't speak French, but I thought it sounded nice when I used the translator.)

I feel like I haven't wrote in a while since my little stint of depression. (Thankfully it only lasted about three days or so...)

Good news and bad news, my libelings...

Bad news first? Sure, why not. My fish died. It lived a good long seven months, though! But alas... As all fish do, it glubbed it's last glug and floated (sideways and somewhat upside down as all dead fish tend to do) into the light. May he rest in peace.

RIP
Heigh Fischie II
Nov. 2004 - June 2005

And now for the good news! My new room is DONE! I want to share it with everyone but I have to re-take the pictures first. I thought I had my crappy camera all figured out, but apparently not. *stands on a large stone, points a finger to the air and vows* One day I shall have the cool camera that I want!

"Tell me exactly what am I supposed to do
Now that I have allowed you to beat me!
Do you think that we could play another game?
Maybe I could win this time.

I kind of like the misery you put me through.
Darlin' you can trust me completely!
If you even try to look the other way,
I think that I could kill this time."

Disturbed is so freaking awesome. Random songs are on my playlist tonight. Too bad I had to miss them in concert back in the day... Amber always has good taste in music. If you ever get the chance, download The Game by Disturbed. It feels good to be getting back to my goth/punk/alternative roots.

ANYWAY! Here's an update on the GED thing if I didn't say it already: The seats were filled up by the time I went to pay for it, so I have to wait a month. July 26th, I believe. I'm just thinking - Hurry up and get here! I want out of the hell hole that is Wal-Mart! I never realized how vile that place really is and how fake they are.

"Oh, we care about the customer." (Said in a bumpkin retard voice)
*rolls eyes* Yeah right! All they care about is making people miserable so that they can feel better about being at their miserable job! They care about making themselves look important just so they can get more money, when Wal-Mart plays squat as it is.

You know what I want, right? I want a FACTORY job! Yeah! *snicker*
Not really, but the pay is good. Are you kidding me? Do you think I really want to work hard? But it would be pretty neat to be on the other end of the table this time. I worked in a factory before, but I was the lunch lady. This time, I'll be the worker.

Come on, July 26th! I know I'll pass my GED test without fail. I was busting through the tests. They said I'll pass it with no trouble. It's just a question of if I'll get the 3,000 score I need to get a year-paid scholarship to college.

In other news, we had Jeremy's birthday party Sunday night. Our boy is growing up! He turned 18 Monday, but they usually have their parties on the weekends. It was pretty nice. I got to spend the whole day over at Amber's house. We went to a car show and I discovered the beauty of the Stingray! We went to their grandma's house where Paws (the fat cat) bruised up my arm when he bit me. We were just rough-housing, though. (Or however that's supposed to be written.) They paid for my dinner at some Mexican place, so I picked some cheap thing. Tasty and cheap. lol I didn't want to be the tag-along, you know. He liked all the presents I got for him. Then I watched him play Zelda until I passed out. Amber was at work all night so I didn't get to see her until we got home. By then, it was 9:00 at night. Got to spend the whole day with Aydiah, though! (Amber's daughter.) I heard her say "cake", she said "Take it, Papa!"

And the last segment of tonight's broadcast... I was finally able to download FULL songs from Flight of the Conchords! Man, they crack me up. Here's a bit from the Hiphopopotamus Meets the Rhymenocerous:

"They call me the Rhymenocerious.
Not because I'm fat,
Not because I got birds on my back,
Because I'm horny. I'm horny!"

"Other rappers diss me, say my rhymes are sissy!
What? What? Why? Why? Why?
Be more constructive with your feedback!
What? Because I rap about reality like me and my grandma having a cup of tea!
There ain't no party like my nana's tea party. Hey... Ho!
(break it down)"

"My rhymes are so potent that in this small segment,
I made all of the lady listeners pregnant."

Or how about stuff from the song Angels:
"There are angels in the clouds doin' it.
There are angels doin' it, doin' it, doin' it, doin' it, doin' it, doin' it, doin' it in the clouds!
Behind the shroud of the clouds foolin' 'round.
In the clouds, they're lyin', feathers flyin', angels sighin'."

Stuff from the song Bowie:
"What's a rock musician doing out there in space, man?
Isn't it cold out there Bowie? Do you need my jumper Bowie?
Does the space cold do funny things to your nipples, making them all pointy? Ooh, Bowie!
Do you use your pointy nipples as telescopic antenna transmitting data back to Earth?
Data back to Earth! (laser noises) I bet you do, you freaky old bastard, you.
Is it lonely out there in space, man? Or is there life on Mars?
And wouldn't that be weird because you wrote that song- 'Is there life on Mars?'
And you could write a follup tune and call it... 'There is!'."

Or how about Pencils in the Wind?
"People are like paper dolls. Paper dolls and people, they're the very same shape. Mmm, yeah.
Love is like a roll of cellotape. Real good for making two things one!
But just like that roll of cellotape, love sometimes breaks off before you're done.
Another way that love is similiar to cellotape that I've noticed,
is that sometimes it's hard to see the end. Ain't that the truth my friend?
You search on the roll, you SEARCH on the roll! YOU SEARCH ON THE ROLL WITH YOUR FINGERNAIL!!!
Again and again, and again and again, and agaaaaain... (Drums)
Brown paper, white paper, stick it togehter with cellotape, uh-huh. Ooh, that sticky stuff."

Anyway, that's all for now. Have a good night. I'll write again with the next turn of events. Stay tuned for more action-packed adventure! Same bat-time! Same bat-channel!

Good fight. Good night!

current mood: amused
current music: various

Depressing Poem

Do you ever have that one person who has been in your life that you've had issues with, that they hurt you so deeply that you still ache when someone or something touches on those emotional scars... like what they did, when they hurt you so much, it was like they killed off a part of you in the process... yet you often find yourself wondering about them? Thinking of them?

I wonder why we DO that... Anyway, it makes me furious. I don't WANT to do that, but it happens.

Sometimes, I don't know which way is up, which way is down.
I often find myself spinning around and around.
Not from happiness, though... Not for a dance,
And not in a way you could see at a glance.
My emotions are down, and I start to feel numb.
People start making me feel like I'm dumb.
So what if I don't feel like I want to play?
Just leave me alone. Go away. I'll be okay.
But then the DO leave, and I feel like they don't care.
I hide behind my makeup, my fake smile, and my hair.
But it's alright. I'll live. Let it go...
It's only going to take about a month or so...
Some of you probably can relate to what I share.
Some of you have probably already been there.
If you read this, then great! I thank you with all my heart.
But now I'm going to mope around, so I must depart.

Ciao...

current mood:  crappy
current music: Missing - Evanescence

First Entry! (DeviantArt Journal)

I just got this DeviantArt site today. I've been told many times this month that I should get an account on here... Three times, this week, alone. I figure if something happens three times in a week, then someone's trying to tell me something, so here I be!

I posted a few images, and I plan to post more later. I just have to go bake a cake for my mother's birthday surprise, which is today! So happy birthday, Ma! Lots of love to you, DAH-ling! She's not expecting anything, so this should be fun! Ciao, my loves.

From the DeviantArt Journal: x-enigma-x

Meditating in the Rain

Ah... I love the rain. It's the only time that I will put on some shorts and a sleeveless shirt just to go outside and enjoy the feel of the rain on my skin as I meditate in it. Oh, how I could really use it right about now.

Sometimes I think that water torture method, where they drip water onto a restrained victim's forehead, wouldn't do any good with me since I love that feeling of the water hitting against me consistently.

Anyway, now I think I will go take out the trash, find me a nice comfy place to sit down and meditate, come back in and take a hot shower, feel my muscles melt away like hot butter, and reflect on life.

Song Review - What You Never Know

This one is by Sarah Brightman and it's called What You Never Know:

Here are the lyrics:
What you never know won't hurt you.
What you never know won't lie.
What you never know won't desert you.
What you never know won't say goodbye.

What you never know won't hurt you.
What you never know won't lie.
What you never know won't desert you.
What you never know won't make you cry.

What you never know.
What you never, never, never...
What you never know.

What you never know won't hurt you.
What you never know won't lie.
What you never know won't desert you.
What you never know unless you try.

What you never know won't hurt you.

My Review:
I guess this one just really touched me and I really got attached to it, because as with anything we feel really attached to, we can relate on some level. Sometimes I think if I just push it all away, push away the people, the situations, the feelings, the interactions, all of it, that it won't get to me. I won't get too attached, and I won't get hurt when it all goes downhill. The highs are always good, but the downs are a killer. Sometimes I think it's easier just to let it be and just keep on living my life on a steady line, not daring to interact with people, not daring to veer off the road for a moment, for fear of getting hurt. Then there won't be hurt, I won't be lied to, I won't be deserted...

But the last line in the last verse says it all, doesn't it? What you never know unless you try. Maybe getting too attached won't hurt. Maybe, by some tiny thread in the universe, I'll finally have a link to something in this world that I'll never have to let go of, or have it taken from me. Maybe, if I try, I can at least for one time find that special everlasting bond, if there even is one. That one special somebody. That one special moment. That one special life-changing event that makes a person feel like their whole life really was worth something, after all.

I know, I know... I'm still young and foolish, and it's too soon to judge the quality of my life, but sometimes, I feel like it's over before it even began. I'm as happy as I could be, really. I have everything I've always wanted and more, much to my surprise. Maybe it's just all in my head, or some brain imbalance, or maybe I really am messed up in the head. It was always a joke when I acted crazy before, but you never know, right? Not if it's yourself who is affected.

I guess the point of this is... I'm happy this way. I'm glad there's not bad situations in my life. But I still don't have that one thing that keeps me from ever feeling down. In my heart, I have many spaces. Spaces for my friends, my family (they take up big chunks), my passions of the arts (many of those), but yet in the core, there's still a deep, dark pit. A cold core. Something is missing, and I just can't tell, and that bothers me. Usually I can pinpoint the problem, but there shouldn't be anything that makes me sad anymore.

What is this? I'm starting to see that the saying 'money can't buy you happiness' can be very true. I always said 'yeah right' to that, because I thought if I had everything I wanted, I couldn't be happier in my own little world of toys, gadgets, pretty, soft, shiny things, etc, etc, etc. But I'm still not happy. I guess I just need something to grab me by the shoulders, give me a hard shake, and show me what true happiness is. But there's not something that can do that, is there? Or we would all know true happiness. What is missing? Why do I feel so depressed all the time? I love my job! I love my family! I love my friends! Give me a break, already!!!

Well, crap... This turned into a rant-and-rave post, and I didn't mean it too. I just wanted to tell everyone a song they should buy or download at least. I guess that's my meditation reflection for the day? It's just all pouring out now. lol

~ Candice ~

Feeling NAF

Don't think I'll be watching the Tony's tonight... I really wanted to catch it, but I checked out the nominees and I don't even really know much of the people or the shows on it except for Gypsy, Antonio Banderas, and Bernadette Peters. Plus I'm feeling pretty nasty as f tonight, so I don't feel like doing more than I need to.

I didn't get my facial thingy done last night, but I'm doing that at the moment, and letting my hair dye set in. As usual, it's red. I love red hair. I didn't even play my sims last night. Instead, I fell asleep downstairs. The night before, I fell asleep against the wall. That's usually my sleeping spot, the wall. I'm always at the computer when I'm home, so it's my fall-asleep spot.

Anyhow, the time is about up. I have to go wash this stuff out of my hair, so I'll close up the entry. I'm not going to sleep before I go to work tonight, and I'll probably have to go in early. I'm just screwing myself over by this, but... meh... We'll see how it goes. I just feel like crap lately. Hope you all are doing well though.

Happy Birthday Spankings!

*sings*
Happy Birthday to meeeeee,
Happy Birthday to meeeeee,
Happy Birthday to me-eeeee,
Happy Birthday to meeeeee!

Now... If only I can find someone to spank me. *sly grin*

current mood:  silly

Work Friends Aren't Exactly Friend Friends

You win some, you lose some, right? Who needs close friends, anyway? *looks around dejectedly* ...Right???... I'm just saying because I might have lost my new best friend today. She was the new second shift girl at our work for about a month, and she and the boss lady just did NOT get along with each other.

Well, I went to work last night, and Jessica (the 2nd shift/friend girl) said that she and the boss lady got into a fight yesterday, and she made her cry. Well, the boss lady is a good friend of mine. I don't kiss ass, really. I just think she's pretty cool and we get along great.

Well, this morning, I said "And I want to give you a hug. I heard about what happened last night."
To which she seemed confused and asked "What? What happened?"
So I explained, "Jessica said she made you cry."
Boss Lady: Oh, really?! *fumes*
Me: Uh... Yeah... *thinks to self - Uh-oh! Oh, damn!*

So then I told her about the jobs that Jessica is supposed to do for me for set-up and prep, since I have to do them for first shift, and they do them for her shift, and everything came out all at once. I'm so VERY tired of having to work two shifts in one just to cover for her. Yes, I think she's a great friend, but I can't be over-working myself, or I might get sick all over again, and I don't want any more scars. (That's what the shingles blisters left behind. *sniffle*)

So... I don't know what happened in between now and then, but either she got fired, or she quit, because they want me to come in early and work tonight, but I've had no sleep yet. So if Jessica gets mad at me, then I expect it. It will show that she's immature enough not to understand that there IS a difference between social relationships and working relationships. If she's a true friend, she'll still be my friend socially, just as before, when we went to go get our eyebrows waxed together. If not, though? Oh well. There's nothing I can do to change it, and I'm not expecting anything out of it except for her to be angry at me. I just had to save my own ass. I can NOT afford to lose this job.

Differences From a Year Ago

Wow... So much has changed in a year! I looked up my journal entry from last year, about this time, June 3rd, 4th, and 5th... Let's see... *rummages*

June 3rd 2002: I found out that Twiggy Ramirez (AKA Jeordie White) of Marilyn Manson was leaving the band. He was my most favorite member.

June 3rd 2003: Marilyn Manson still sounds good without Twiggy. I'll be seeing them for the first time in person in July when I go to Ozzfest. Though good, they may be... Twiggy is still very missed.

June 4th 2002: I'm soooooo ooooold.

June 4th 2003: I repeat: I'm soooooo ooooold! (only OLDER!!! *Aye!*)

June 5th 2002: I had said "I'm scared to death. Mom is violently ill, and there is nothing the doctors say they can do..." During this time, mom's surgery had went horribly wrong, and she suffered from many dangerous infections at this time. She had been shaking and shivering for a few days, with a high fever that wouldn't come down, and vomiting. I was so scared that day, and spent that night of my birthday with her in the hospital.

June 5th 2003: Things are much better, now. Mom still has a few problems from that damned hospital. We should have sued. Other than that, life have been pretty good. I've got me a laptop, mom has the mega-big-screen TV, and just about everything I've ever wanted, I have, besides the BIG goals, which I doubt I'll have, anyway. (Those are - To meet Bret McKenzie, to meet the Black Seeds, to get their autograph, and to be famous, especially on Broadway.)

So here is my final thought. I may be turning 21 tomorrow, and though I hate the idea of aging, getting older, and eventually dying, at least it marks another year that I've survived in this world. *hugs and kisses to you all*

current mood:  accomplished

New Elrond and Arwen Sneak Peek!

It appears Lord of the Rings: Return of the King has released some new promo shots! So for all of my Pervy Elf Fanciers, and all my LOTR buddies, and those who haven't hunted down the new pics yet, here's a big spankin' photo of Elrond and Arwen! Could this describe the beauty and grace of the Elven-kind any better? *le sigh* So preciousss... 

*drools over Hugo Weaving* lol   X-D