Candice - The 'pretty' one of the four, so they would say, but she never felt pretty enough. The Broadway Diva, the drama queen, the goth princess. The oldest, yet the youngest at heart. The romanticist who just wanted to be loved. The obsessive-compulsive.
Amber - The tough girl who just wanted to be loved. The sensible one. The artist. The one with low self-esteem. The mellow girl. The girl who knew all the trivia. The fighter.
Tahnee - The dreamer. The youngest, yet the mother of us all. The one with the well-to-do family, but the one who chose us 'lesser' people as friends. The peacemaker. The curious one.
Samantha - The logical one. The smart girl. The only one I knew who could be such a brainiac, yet such an airhead at the same time. The contemplative one. The girl who just wanted to keep her family together but whom always seemed so independent.
We were each so different in our own ways, yet we fit together so well. Check it out. Even our initials spelled out our favorite animal, CATS. But now... Now things have grown so distant between us all. To quote Rent, "How did we get here? How the hell..." What is this post about anyway, you may ask? Well, I've been reflective lately. We used to all go together so well, but now??? To quote Linkin Park, "Even though you're close to me, you're still so distant, and I can't bring you back". Now that school is out, and we've all grown up, we have all grown so distant... And this is how:
Candice - As for myself, I always had big dreams. I always wanted to move to a big city and become a great theater star, singing and acting for the pleasure of many, doing what I love for them to love. But now, I doubt I shall ever reach those stars. I'm stuck in a small town, with a pretty decent job, but I'm not doing what I love. And you know what the sad thing is? I like where I am, now. Mom and I are making it pretty well together, and I don't want anything to disrupt what we have right now. I want something so badly, but yet I'm not going to make an attempt to achieve it. How awful is that? And now I'm paranoid about my health, because all I wanted to do was try and become a vegan to make my quality of life better, and ended up accidentally giving myself a virus. So now I worry that with my immune system being so low, that I could catch something else, and that'll be the thing that kills me. All because I wanted to try and be a better, healthier person. Do you know how scared that makes me? To know that if I don't get better, I could REALLY catch something nasty, get SO sick, and die? Paranoid, maybe, but it still scares me to no end.
Amber - I found out recently that she's been getting into drinking and smoking pot. She has sunk quite low over the last year. She works constantly, and when she's not working, she's so depressed and stressed out about how much she has to work, that she turns to doing that stuff for relief. I don't know what to think of her anymore... There are other ways to get around depression, and she DOES have the right to say NO when her boss asks her to work overtime. I just don't know what to do, being so far away...
Tahnee - I admire her so much, but yet I feel so bad for her, all the same. She's in college, wanting to learn archeology so that she might be one of the diggers up on Mars one of these days. I believe she could actually do it, too. Any time she says she's going to do something, at least her dreams never fail... But yet she's so alone... I hardly see her anymore, and we were like sisters. Amber's gone off on her thing, and Samantha, too. I think she feels like we've left her. It's sad, since I felt like they've left me behind, and I'm stuck here while they change so much... I wonder if she feels the same way?
Samantha - She's taken to living with her boyfriend. When I moved away, I was so cold-hearted to her, because I was mad at how stuck-up she had become. She was tactless in telling us how much she didn't like Amber's purple hair, or my black hair with red streaks. I felt like it was a slap in the face, like she was saying she was better than us. But now she IS better than us. She's shaped up her body quite nicely, losing a great amount of weight, she has beautiful hair, she's living AND making it on her own, and she's with a really sweet, great guy! (My brother's girlfriend's brother, so he's going to be my brother-in-law) She's got it all, and that's a LOT better than how she had it back in the day. A LOT better.
But now I've lost the point of this post, and I just feel quite bitter and sad all at the same time. I know, I know... I need to stop it... It's not good for my health. So I'll close this up and go downstairs, curl up on the couch, watch Edward Scissorhands, Powder, and Lord of the Rings over and over and over again, while playing on my new laptop that I named Figwit. Maybe then I'll feel better. Who knows, anymore... *shrug*
- Mood:
exhausted
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