The Most Dramatic Change

I've been struggling with my weight for a while now, and even though I've finally seen a doctor and have tried to lose weight following a diabetic diet, I still keep gaining. Maybe it's because of my bad back keeping me from being as active as I used to be? Maybe it's because I'm still facing the loss of my best friend (who was more of a soul mate to me than just a friend)? Maybe it's because I haven't been able to work the past couple of years? But in this past year alone, I'm ashamed to admit, I had gained 100 pounds.

It's hard to try and get that off because I can't stand for longer than 10 minutes without my back feeling like it's going to break. I can't do conventional aerobics because of this, but I've tried aqua aerobics. It did wonders for my back pain, but I wasn't getting any results from it. Most recently, I found out that I now have fatty liver disease. All of my health problems - the diabetes, the apnea, the fatty liver, problems getting pregnant - all of them are related to my weight.

Thankfully, my doctor recommended that I see a bariatric surgeon for this. I grew up hearing about weight loss surgeries. I'll be honest - the thought of them terrified me. I don't want to permanently alter my body because of this! My Mom had a gastric bypass before I was born and that didn't seem to help, especially since they wired her up wrong! I was actually pretty scared of the thought of it. But I went ahead and went to the appointment today anyway, and now I'm happy to say that I'm not as scared as I once was. I'm actually pretty excited! And a hell of a lot nervous. Not only because it's a scary surgery, but because I don't know how I'm going to do with it, or how well it will or won't work... It's a big life changer!

First, he talked over the options with me. He broke them down into three main operations, and from the least effective to the most effective. I had no idea how these worked, so he took his time explaining, and he even drew me a picture! lol First is the sleeve. That's where they cut your stomach in half so you get fuller faster and can't eat as much. It's the least effective at showing weight loss within the first year. Then there's a gastric bypass. This makes the stomach even smaller, and takes off some of your intestine, bringing it up to that stomach pouch to keep you from absorbing as many nutrients from the food. Then there's the duodenal switch. That's the one I'm opting for.

The duodenal switch is something I've never heard of. I asked him if there's an actual kind of switch that is used, but he said no lol I asked if it was like a lap band, but he said no to that as well. He said he actually stopped doing those a couple of years ago because there wasn't really much going on with them. He said a duodenal switch is kind of a mix between the two, and it shows the best results. The reason why we both think this would be the best option for me is because he said it shows a dramatic difference for people with diabetes, and he said some organ (I can't remember which) starts doing wonders for the body after this surgery. Less weight? Less apnea. Fatty liver starts to fix itself. Blood sugar regulates. This one cuts the stomach in half, like the sleeve, and cuts the intestines even more so that you're absorbing less nutrients. How do you keep from becoming malnutritioned? That's an issue taken care of with multivitamins, which I take every day anyway.

There's a few things I'll have to do first, but he said once my insurance clears around the 11th of this month, I can start the process! I will have to do things like talk to a dietitian, get an ultrasound on my gallbladder, get a scope of my stomach to make sure there aren't any surprises. There's going to be much to do, but I hope it will all be worth it. For one, I'm excited about the idea, and I can't "weight"! haha :-p

Here's a diagram I found, if it helps to understand it any better?

Search and Rescue!

We had to take the kids to my Mom's house to stay the night last night because we had to leave early today and weren't going to be home most of the day. Well when we left, the door didn't get shut all the way. Khloe had been the last one out because I made her go back in and get a coat, as it is winter time and even though she said she didn't need one, I wasn't going to let her run around without a coat on. I had her grab my Mom's hoodie that she had given me a few years back, as I knew it would make her feel special wearing something that was Grandma's. Anyway, in all the hustle and bustle, the door got left open. Accidents happen... and as a curious cat will do, one of them got out.

Of all cats, it had to be our only boy Junko (pronounced june-co, named after a Danganronpa character), otherwise known as stinky, big little boy, little man, bud, Garfailed (yes, we said it as gar-failed), or Devin's cat. We didn't know this until we got home and I was able to find all the other cats except for him. I looked around outside, but he wasn't anywhere to be seen at first glance. I went inside and played videos of other cat's meowing, which often was the best way to round up the cats because they would always come running to investigate. There was Snootz... Kuma... Zoozy... but no Junko! So now I was getting really worried...

I went outside and played the sound for a while. Keep in mind, it's freezing cold out and there was still a dappling of snow on the ground here and there. I was in my nightgown, fur coat, and flipflops. I still did not see him. I went back inside and thought of the food. This boy loves to eat (hence the Garfield reference), so I took the food bowl and picked some up and dropped it back in like I was filling it up. The other cats came running and just stared up at me with a wistful look in their eyes. Still no Junko though... Much to their disappointment, I ended up taking the food bowl away. I went outside and did the same thing, giving the bowl a few shakes. I figured if he heard it, he might come running? But no... Still no orange floof to be seen.

I turned on my flashlight thinking that maybe if he were hiding, I'd be able to spot him by the glare in his eyes. I tried playing a different cat sound. I thought - what if he didn't like the other one I played? And that's when I finally saw movement. He was in the garage! But after a short staring contest (mostly due to my surprise) I said "Junko! Come here baby boy!" and of course his response was to dart off. I saw him go to the back of the house, so I let out an exasperated sigh and made my way back there. I figured he went in the utility room because I could not find him after that. I had Adam come out and help me look, but there were too many bikes and things in the way. I had to give up at this point. It was night, it was cold, and I can't climb over stuff like I used to. At least I knew for sure that he was outside and that he hadn't run off. I was worried about him being in the cold, but my biggest worry was that someone would take him in before we could get to him. I left some food on the front steps in case he came back to the door, and I went inside.

After we got back in town today and picked up the kids, they all went out on a search and rescue mission to find him. Thankfully, being the awesome kids they are, they worked together to get him out of the basement, where he had taken up residence again after I had unintentionally chased him out the first time. The had grabbed a can of wet dog food to coax him out. He was meowling and sounded so pitiful, but other than being stressed out, he was okay!

I guess he's scared at the idea of going back out there though, because while Khloe was holding him, Tricity came in the door and he was scrambling to try and get out of her arms and get away like he had been spooked. He probably learned his lesson! lol He got warm, got fed, and will need a bath, but we sure are happy that everything turned out good! Here's Devin with his baby boy:

NAFLD - My Liver Is a Fatty :-p

So I had an ultrasound done yesterday on my liver to see if I had hepatitis C. I don't know how I would have, as I've not been exposed to anyone with it. My liver enzymes were high though, so they wanted to find out what was going on. I don't drink, so chances are - if I had anything, it would be non-alcoholic fatty liver disease (NAFLD). I got the call back today, and they said that's what I've got.

Now I'm supposed to follow a Mediterranean diet. I was trying to follow the diabetic diet, with less carbs and sugar, but it seems I'm going to have to cut out even more if I want to keep a healthy liver. Why, oh why did I spend 2018 drinking every weekend? I'm sure that didn't help...

It's okay though. I already love all kinds of vegetables and things like chicken and fish. I just need to cut out things like processed foods (like chicken nuggets, spray cheese in a can, stuff like that). I just didn't realize my liver was so high up. What if all this time it wasn't my stomach that has been hurting, but what if it were my liver? I don't know, but at least it's reversible if I lose weight and exercise more. I'm hoping when income tax time comes, I can get a tricycle so I can bike with the kids. My back hurts too bad to do anything else, but if I'm sitting, maybe that will be okay?

The Dark Curse Has Been Lifted!

There was once an evil upon the land...
Flowers did not dare bloom...

Birds did not dare sing...
Children would cry...

You get the picture.

This is a story about our neighbor bitch and how miserable it was for her living on our street. I honestly think that since she has moved, the darkness has been lifted, and peace has been restored! Not just because she was an evil bitch, that much was obvious, but because the guard dogs she had on either side of the steps to her porch aren't there any more to scare away the birds.

When I checked the door cam today, I was greeted by the lovely sound of the birds singing to me. It was very refreshing to have some peace and quiet instead of constant barking! I know our dog Castiel can be loud sometimes, but he very rarely barks. These dogs were always yapping to one another. But now? Ahh... the sounds of nature are nice to enjoy! ^_^

I Love You So Matcha!

I tried matcha today (with just a smidge of honey and cream) and I think I can really get into it! It was pretty good in my opinion. (I need to make healthier habits because my liver enzymes were too high, and now I will have to have an ultrasound done on it) Like I expected, it tastes just like tea, only I've learned that it's supposed to be so, so much more beneficial, packed full of antioxidants and whatever... So now I'm going to try and drink a cup once a day. I learned about it on TikTok, but I kept seeing it in the store several times before, wondering what it was. When I saw a video that explained it to me and how to make it, I was intrigued. I'm glad I gave it a try!

City-Sized Walmart! (Dream)

This dream started off with the news that Mr. Beast (the famous YouTuber) was going to be at Walmart doing a Q and A and signing autographs and stuff for everybody. I'm not really a fanatic about Mr. Beast, but I think he's a pretty cool guy, and I love how he helps people out all the time, so I wanted to go see him and help support him. I went to Walmart on a bike because I can't drive, and when I was there, I saw my best friend Tahnee's Mom. She said she was going to buy us a bunch of stuff to take back home, so I hung out with her for a while, but I really wanted to get to see Mr. Beast before he was done for the day, so I headed to the area where he was supposed to be.

However, this store was bigger than I had thought, and unrealistically so! Instead of just being a store, it turned into a whole town! There were houses and sidewalks and streets, but all still under the store's ceiling and back walls. There wasn't a sky because we were still inside. Everything was still white and blue colored, like Walmart's logo.

I never did make it to see Mr. Beast. Instead, I had stopped to try and get a car to take, because if it was this huge and he was that far away, I was going to drive instead of walking, even though I didn't have a driver's license. But I did pretty good! Once I got behind the wheel, it was as if I had been driving for a long time!

Along the way, I saw someone walking along the sidewalk, so I slowed down to ask if they were headed the same way, and if they wanted a ride. To my surprise, it was my best friend Tahnee! She was alive again! But how? I didn't really get to ask these questions in my dream. I had just accepted it and was happy to be cruising with her. I don't really remember what happened after this before I woke up. I just remember basking in the moment and enjoying the fact that I had my best friend hanging out with me again. When I woke up, it was almost 4:00 AM and I could hear Adam leaving for dialysis on my GPS tracker. Then I was up for the rest of the day.

Did 2020 Get Us Down?

Today I was faced with an enlightening realization... I recently saw a post on someone's Facebook that said this:

So I had gone to my photos intending to find a particular picture - one that shows us eating at Olive Garden during a fun day of shopping. It's rare, especially during coronavirus, that we can treat the kids by taking them out somewhere to eat, so it was a special fun day for us! Anyway, as I started scrolling through my photos to find it, I realized there was more than just one fun, special moment from this year. We actually had quite a few!

Yeah, there were some rough times. Adam was in the hospital for a month, he's had multiple surgeries, we almost lost him. We also had quite a fight on our hands to get Devin back with his family and away from his abuser. She caused more problems for us than the coronavirus did. I had a few stupid arguments on Twitter about how the way the world is, and how the society is now filled with youthful sensitive snowflakes... Then on top of that was all the world's problems, with coronavirus, the Australian fires, Black Lives Matter, the attack on JK Rowling, the election, killer hornets, etc... It seemed like 2020 was a year of hell for everybody. Somebody somewhere was always getting their poor little feelings hurt, and the internet was full of cancel culture.

But you know what? We've had a lot more great moments than that. We had a lot of fun memories this year! As usual, I find a way to see the bright side of things, and there was a lot more to look forward to in my own personal life. Other than there being birthdays to be celebrated and holidays to be enjoyed, we were able to start getting our medical needs met. Tricity got braces, Adam got glasses, and I found out why I've been so tired all these years (diabetes, hypothyroidism, anemia, apnea). The kids were able to experience going to a beauty salon to get their hair done. They got to stay home for school this year with remote learning, which means I got to enjoy time with them more. The evil wicked woman across the street FINALLY moved away! We had fun times playing outside and at the park. We got a couple of new cats, Kuma and Junko. They got to experience going to a couple of drive-in movies. We got to experience life TOGETHER as a FAMILY.

So to end this blog - did 2020 get us down? No! I'm proud to say that we made it. And we will keep making it, because we keep our chins up, we're strong, good-hearted, and believe in thinking positive. So here's hoping that this new year brings many more great memories to come, and many more enjoyable moments <3

Ryan Reynolds Came Up With the Best Commercial!

Leave it to Ryan Reynolds to come up with the best commercial to sum up 2020! I thought this was hilarious, and I highly recommend you give it a watch.

For those getting butthurt by the idea of "Satan" being used in a video - calm your tits. No one is trying to "normalize" the idea of Satan being a likeable person in entertainment. I'm gonna shut you down right there. For one, this is the character from the movie Legend (and I still don't see how people cannot make that connection?). Two, it's just for the lol's. No one is telling you to go out and worship Satan or idolize him. It was just meant to be funny. Three, it was trying to represent how shitty of a year 2020 was, by comparing it with the likes of Satan. Get over yourselves and stop being offended by every little thing.

How We All Relate - Deep Thinking

"A completely different version of you exists in the minds of everyone you meet." That's something deep to think about. While I know this is basically saying that people will form their own opinions about you and assume they know you, that's just THEIR version of who you are and not who you really feel you are, it got me thinking about something a little bit same, but a little bit different.

It got me thinking about how we are all alternate reality versions of ourselves. Somewhere down the line, we all began as one singular being. Then came all of the "what if's". What if I had been born a boy? What if I had been born to a Mexican family? What if I had been born with blonde hair? What if my nose was bigger? What if I was taller? What if I had been born 10 years later? All of these what-if's create innumerable possibilities, and unfathomable alternate realities.

So wouldn't it stand to reason that maybe we are all just alternate reality versions of ourselves living together in this world? What if throughout all time, all of history and past the future... what if we were all just combinations of different ways that we could have existed? And that's why we're all human, and we can relate on that basic level, but yet we're all different. Is this what it is like to feel the connection of humanity? Feel free to share your thoughts with me <3

A Sexy Song

I still think this is one of the sexiest songs. It came up on my old playlist today, and every time I hear it, I think - yeah, baby! Come on Jordan Knight, go on and give it to me! X-D lol

Just check out these lyrics though...

You say its been too long since you had some.
You say I turn you on like a fire that's burning inside.
You think that I'm the one you see in your dreams. I know what you mean, yeah.

It's creepin around in your head, me holding you down in my bed.
You don't have to say a word. I'm convinced you want this.

Baby you know I can give it to you.
I can't deny you do it right.
Just let me know and I'll give it to you.
Just show me where, I'll take you there.
Baby you know that I'll give it to you.
Your body needs a man like me.
Anything goes when I give it to you.
You know without a doubt, I'll turn you out.
I'll give it to you
The feeling is fine, giving you everything of mine.

I'm the place to be, and soon, you'll see.
I don't care who leads, as long as we move horizontally.
Anyone can make you sweat, but I, can keep you wet.

It's creepin around in your head, me holding you down in my bed.
I can't wait to give you some. I'm convinced you need it

Baby you know I can give it to you.
I can't deny you do it right.
Just let me know and I'll give it to you.
Just show me where, I'll take you there.
Baby you know that I'll give it to you.
Your body needs a man like me.
Anything goes when I give it to you.
You know without a doubt, I'll turn you out.
I'll give it to you
The feeling is fine, giving you everything of mine

It's creepin' around in my head, me holding you down in my bed.
You don't have to say a word. Just relax. I'll do the work.
I can't wait to give you some. I'm convinced you need one.

Baby you know I can give it to you.
I can't deny you do it right.
Just let me know and I'll give it to you.
Just show me where, I'll take you there.
Baby you know that I'll give it to you.
Your body needs a man like me.
Anything goes when I give it to you.
You know without a doubt, I'll turn you out.
I'll give it to you
The feeling is fine, giving you everything of mine.

I want to satisfy your every wish and mine, baby.
I know just what you need, (you need) to get you off.
No one could ever do you like I do you right, baby.
There's nothing we can't do.
The feeling is fine, giving you everything of mine.

All the highlighted parts are the ones I like themost ;-) I mean, seriously... It's a sexy song. Or maybe I'm just thirsty? LOL! X-D You can also hear the song here, if it's still up by the time you see this: