I Got Checked Out!

A while back, I had asked this lady at the music store if she could order the Rent musical CD for me, so I went to go check and see if it was in yet. I was sooooo badly wanting to get today when I went to the music store. It will cost me around $40. I only had $25 in my pocket, so I told the woman that I would get it next weekend when I got paid. She said all was cool, and so I bought something else for the time being.

I bought Adema's CD. I guess it's called... er... *takes it out to examine it* Adema? *tilts head to the side and puts it back in, playing numbers 3 and 5*

I also got the soundtrack for Pocahontas. It was used and slightly scratched, but there's the song on there by Grandmother Willow that I love called Listen With Your Heart.

Sooo.... I was looking for a CD to buy, seeing what I could afford and what I couldn't. This was before I decided to get the Pocahontas soundtrack. I bypassed a few strangers whom were standing in my way, not really paying attention to them, right? Mom told me to hurry up, so I picked out my 2 CD's and went up to the register. Then the chick behind the counter asks me - "Yeah, you know those two guys who just left?" I nodded slightly, so that I may hear what she wanted to say. She goes on... "Well, they were asking 'Hey, do you know that red-head back there? You know, she's kinda cute'"

My eyes went wide. There, in the store, some guys were checking me out? That isn't very common, you know... Usually in public, I had always thought that I came off to be a sort of "Ice Queen" to strangers... Apparently something has changed...

Anyway, she told me that she told them she thought I was too young. Apparently, she thought I was 15! *snickers* I told her my real age, and she was shocked. But that's the way most women in our family are, though. We don't really age. I felt flattered twice! First - the fact that I don't have to do anything to have guys check me out, and because I look nearly 5 years younger than what I am! lol

Not that I care for guys checking me out... This is where I'm supposed to say that there's more to a girl than her looks. She's got a brain, she's got feelings... But let's be real - for not happening that often, that was quite a nice surprise! It makes me wonder just how often it happens without me knowing about it. How many people have said that about me and no one has ever spoken up? If only more people would speak their minds...

So, now, I am listening to Adema and Pocahontas, and wishing I had $40 right now, so I could go back and get Rent now that I know it came in, and maybe impress another guy or two. LOL! Life can throw you for a loop some times.

current mood: embarrassed
current music: The Way You Like It - Adema

My Nose Piercing Closed Up!

Well, to start off, the nose piercing I had done nearly a year ago all on my own? It finally closed up thanks to work's rules about no jewelry in the kitchen... Just freaking great...

So now I have come up with a new plan, It will involve re-piercing it, of course. Why do I do so, you ask? Because I have always wanted one since I knew they existed, which was at a very young age. They have always been something I wanted for sooooo long, though my mom had never let me have it done. Once I moved out on my own, it became a choice I had gotten to make on my own, and I finally did it. Something of my own free will, in which my mother couldn't stop me from doing since I was my own boss. Not only that, but I just think they're cute :-)

Now, as for the new plan... I shall re-pierce it, and once that is done, in order to keep it from closing, I shall take the post off of another earring and wear that while I am working. Hopefully it won't show when I wear it. The customers might see a dot, but it's hard for them to see over the counter.

I used to do that, but had forgotten about them when I started taking it out for work. I have one for my eyebrow too, because I REALLY don't want to risk that one closing up. I had to have that one done at some shop, and it cost $35 for it.

The only other one I REALLY want is the lip ring in the center (a labret), but I'm pondering how I could get around having to take that out at work... How could/would I be able to wear something that the standard vision couldn't see? *ponders*

current mood: hopeful
current music: Giving In - Adema

My New Favorite Movie/Musical - Moulin Rouge

WARNING... For those of you who have not seen it, this might contain spoilers to Moulin Rouge. I just highly recommend this, so I decided to talk about it, and tell the story. That is all.

Ok... I have been into Moulin Rogue for a while now. I guess you could say that it's my second favorite musical besides Phantom of the Opera. It shall always be number one. Then Moulin Rogue, and then Jekyll and Hyde.

Hmm... *looks at that little list* I see a pattern... Good love stories that have tragic endings... I'm a sucker for those, I guess. Ok, ok. I'm a sap. No, wait... A sap would be someone who adores happy endings. I like tragic ones. Ok... Call me twisted then. *evil grin*

Anyway... I had wanted to see the movie, thinking it would be a regular movie about the story behind the whole Moulin Rouge thing, expecting a movie like any other movie Nicole Kidman would have been in. Never did I expect a musical, of all things.

So mom, thinking the same thing, had bought it, and we watched it a few months ago. But then... as I watched it... something happened. It wasn't an ordinary movie. They... They had started singing! Well, that turned mom's attention away from it, whereas mine had me glued to the screen.

But more than that, it was a story about love. Of all things... love. The one thing that had both caused me such pain and such happiness all at one time. The one thing that drives me to insanity, yet keeps me far from it. The one thing that saves me... brings me life anew... a fresh breath of living to my soul, and yet kills me every waking day... ripping out my bleeding heart from my chest... sucking the marrow from my bones... acting as a black hole for all my happiness... LOVE.

Well, mom had went upstairs as the movie progressed. The music was good. The storyline was getting interesting - the lead lady of a gentleman's night club falling in love with a writer for their new show (by accident), their own story being transformed into the show so they could sneak around together.

However, she was supposed to be "hands off" to all men, besides the one funding the whole production. The Duke. The only thing about that, was that she wasn't in love with the Duke. She found that she was in love with the poor writer, just as he was completely in love with her. It was their main obsession for one another, both loving for what seemed to be the first time.

Finally, opening night came and she was supposed to sleep with the Duke. That was his...er... "reward" for funding the show, a payment decided before she ever met her love, the writer. "Come What May", she told him, which was the song they had promised to one another. That promise being - whatever came their way, come what may, they would always love one another, and nothing would ever change that.

So she went off to do the deed, and he was driven mad that night, not being able to bear the thought of her in the arms of another man... even just being eyed by that creep. But her love was too strong. She could not complete the transaction. The Duke knew that she had been going behind his back with the writer, as well, so he was going to TAKE his payment. However, he got knocked out, allowing her to escape.

The two were to elope with one another, when she found out that she was dying... Not only that, but if the Duke saw the writer anywhere around the area again, he would have him killed. That, and the show's ending was going to be changed.

The show - it was supposed to be about a Courtesan who fell in love with a Sitar player, when she was supposed to be betrothed to the Evil Maharajah. Well, the Sitar player has a secret song... their real song... which is supposed to help them flee the Evil Maharajah, and live together in love. Well, the Duke, being represented by the Evil Maharajah, had caught onto this story and declared that the ending be changed so that the Courtesan decided that staying with the Evil Maharajah was a much better choice than staying with the poor Sitar player.

So Satine, the main woman... the Courtesan, if you will... had to tell Christian, the writer, that she coudln't love him. She had to lie to him, telling him that she could never love a poor writer, just so that he would leave, and his life would be saved. This way, she could die without him being hurt in the process, and he wouldn't get killed by the Duke for looming around.

Deeply hurt, he stayed in his room, seeming nearly dead to the world anyhow. But his friend, John Leguizamo's character, had basically told him that she still loved him, and he honestly believed it himself because he believed in the power of love. Christian didn't want to hear it, though. But after his friend left, the doubts lingered. He had to make sure.

He took off to the Moulin Rouge to see Satine once more, not knowing that both of their lives were on the line. Eventually, through a big chase-down, he gives her a piece of his mind, and how she hurt him. However, this display happened on the stage in front of everyone during a live show. Then, as he was walking out, his friend yelled out the phrase that meant everything to him.

The greatest thing you'll ever learn... is just to love... and be loved in return...

Feeling betrayed by that phrase, he started walking out yet again. Suddenly, Satine had to let him know. Had to confess her love to him one final time. She had strength enough to rise and sing out to him their ballad... Come What May. Once she did so, he realized that she loved him all along, and they joined hand in hand once more. The Duke, however, had left in the middle of it all, not before trying to fire a shot at Christian.

But luckily, he didn't get a good shot, and left them to one another. The curtains closed on a brilliant show, and he could finally hold her in his arms, having her all to himself. She, the same. But... that was when her final bout of sickness kicked in... She was slipping... fast...

He held her tightly as she fell to the ground, coughing up blood. He hadn't known what was wrong, but simply held onto her, keeping her as close to him as he could as her life was being drained for good, obviously trying to hold onto her as she was slipping away. She whispered what she could to him that he must go on. He had to live to tell the story... And that she loved him... With that, she died.

And so I sat there watching... My eyes wide and my cheeks wet with tears, seeing that the movie held true to it's description. It was indeed a story about love. The kind of love I would die for, just like Satine. Just to have that one person to love, and have them love me in return. That undying love, that come what may... It will always be there no matter what were to happen.

Thus, began my love for that movie/musical. My love for love. My obsession with it. So if you see me talk about the songs from it here and there... If I mention it... It's because I've got it on my mind. Not the movie, mind you. No... I mean love.

Sadly, the more I think of this movie, the more I take a look at it, and take a look at myself... The more I feel alone. The more I get saddened, because I want a love like that. I guess that's what makes it such a great movie, actually. The fact that something like that can exist... And that's all I ask for in this world.

So to close this long thread, and put you all out of your misery, I will leave you with that infamous Moulin Rouge quote:

The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love... and be loved in return...

current mood: lonely
current music: Come What May - Moulin Rouge Sountrack 2

Multitasking

Whoa... I feel like I've been avoiding my journal... Man, with chatting all the time, keeping up with this, the DE board, and the VH board is quite a job. I'm always chatting, so I get distracted, and don't tend to these things, let alone take the time to write. The chats, though... They're so much fun! I love them, they are great!

Thought I would leave an update for everyone. I don't feel like fixing my schedule, so I'll tell you all here: I don't work Wednesday, thank goodness, and as for Saturday, I only work 5-8 instead.

As for those of you who wonder what boards I'm always talking about are, they are here:
DE board - X-Men Dark Evolutions:
http://pub45.ezboard.com/bxmendarkevolutionsrpg
VH board - Virtual Hogwarts:
http://vh.7dragons.net/index.php
And now? It seems like I've been asked to join a Star Wars RP board, but I won't post the link until I am certain.

Now I need to make MORE journal entries: There is a song that has me feeling so-so that I have been playing on repeat... a cool dream I had maaaaaany nights ago... stuff I can't really say to anyone but I can always put down better by writing, stuff like that. Er... after I make oooooooone more post on the role play boards! *snickers* I swear... Just one, and that's IT! I promise. Quit looking at my crossed fingers! lol

Current Mood: okay
Current Music: Lemon - U2

Sleep, and Lack Therof

I didn't get to bed until 4:00 AM, and since I only had four and a half hours of sleep the night before, my eyes were really bloodshot. Then, mom came home and woke me up at 9:00 in the morning so that we could go pay rent, pick up my new blankets for my new bed, and get some groceries.

However, she saw my eyes were red, and knew I didn't get any sleep. So, since she was tired as well, and it was so cold outside, she told me I could lay back down, and we would go tomorrow. I feel a lot better now. *grins still a little bit sleepily* Moms... You gotta love them. I know I can be irresponsible sometimes...

The thing that sucks is that I'm about to go to work. The night shift sucks! The day was a lot better. It wasn't so busy, and there was no stress to get the pizzas done, and have 10 more calling while you were still trying to make one. But, we do what we must. People! Quit ordering pizzas! lol At least I found shoes that don't hurt my feet as badly.

So... *hugs to you all* I miss you all most on these days...
To Rhi: I hope you get to feeling better, sweetie. I left a reply in your last DJ entry.
To Star: We all miss you too! And I'm sure Wheezy will turn up eventually. *hugs*
To Amber: I hope you read my last entry so you know what's going on, and why I didn't make the characters yet.
To Tempy: I miss you and I can't wait to see the next installment of the murder mystery *smiles, hugs, and kisses*
To the rest: *big glomps*
Toodles!

Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: All That You Can't Leave Behind - U2

Quickie for Amber (Role Play Stuff)

Quick entry... Mainly for Amber about our X-Men role play...

Amber: sorry dear, but I couldn't get those applications posted tonight :-(  I know, I know, I'm horrible! I say I'm going to do something and then leave you hanging... I have to get my butt to bed, though, so I will most likely do them later tonight when I get home from work.

If you DO have preferred pics of Deryck and Spike, just send them to my mail, I'll fix 'em up, slap 'em on my site, get users for them, and make their applications as soon as I can. *hugs and kisses* Thanks, doll.

P.S. Did you like my last Stone Dust reply? *snickers* Your Max is quite the spunky one! I can't wait to bring in Spike to teach her a lesson *winks*

current mood:  hyper
current music: Can't Fight the Moonlight - Coyote Ugly Soundtrack

My Plans For Tonight

So... I didn't come back last night after I said I would... Oh well. My computer had frozen up, and I just decided to shut it off since I had to get up at 9 anyway and go to work from 10 - 2. My schedule has changed a bit, so I'll be updating that ASAP.

As for X-Men RP news, I'm looking for a tiny picture to use of Michael Keaton. I've decided that he will be my news reporter that I've been wanting to create for so long. His name will be - Jeordie "The Man" Mann. *snickers* He's going to be SUCH a mutant-hater, too. I LOVE mutants. The X-Men were my role models, and still are, for so long in my life. Him? Not so much :-D Hey, you have to play bad characters too, sometimes, you know?

And then I figured while I'll be uploading pics to my site to use, I will also upload ones for my guy characters for my friend Amber's girls, so they can all get their groove-on started. (Eventually my guy characters will be the boyfriends of her girl characters, is what I'm trying to say here.) *waits for Amber to glomp her and beams* Yes, I know, I know. You love me. *MUAH* to you, too, dear.

And, mom asked me to eat her chicken stuff that she made. She sent it on email. Guess she knew I would hop online first thing. *snickers* So I'll be doing that, and bringing up a load of laundry. So here's the plans that I hope to do tonight:

1: get food and bring up the basket
2: upload pics and create applications
3: role play a bit on DE (X-Men Dark Evolutions board)
4: send my song to Tempy, if he wants it (I won't blame him if he don't! lol)
5: maybe post on the VH (Virtual Hogwarts) board
6: Try to find a good site for my new homepage. I really need to start working on one so I can show it to people I know, and make pages for all my characters.

These will work in any order. *big smiles* I am a little grumpy, however, that I didn't dream, since I only had 5 hours of sleep. Usually when I dream, it's when I get more than enough sleep. But that's ok. I have too many dreams to post about as it is. I'll add that to my list, too. Write about previous dreams... ok... I'm going now.

Current Mood: productive
Current Music: Smooth Criminal - Alien Ant Farm

Like-Minded Pagans

It was awesome! FINALLY, a GOOD day at work! I worked with this chick named Amy, whom was the one who trained me. She was cool. I also worked with this other chick with dark hair, whom was always so nice to me when I would just come to Casey's as a customer. If you haven't figured it out yet, I work at Casey's Convenience Store as a cook in their "Carryout Pizza" section.

Well, I found out today that they are both Pagans! I was so overjoyed. Finally there were like-minded people that I could speak openly with about my views and the things I think about. Amy and I talked about it for a while. She said that she had been into learning about it in high school, but had drifted from it after getting married. But then she met the other chick (whom also has some wicked-cool tattoos - I'm sorry, I just don't know her name yet), whom had told her in confidence that she was into it as well.

Well, after talking to Amy about how awesome the tattoos were on the other lady, she told me that they both were. I was all happy. We talked about tarot, the books that she was lent, and the ones I had lost, how she was teased at school for being into it, and a few other things that were on our minds. Come to find out - we had some of the same books!

We couldn't talk about it much, though, because it was closing time, so I had to crack down on my work and get things cleaned and shut off. I'm just so glad I found that out, though. Now I feel like all of the pain and suffering I was going through - all of the things I hated about work - they were for a reason. EVERYTHING happens for a reason. It was so that I could meet these ladies whom I obviously had to be destined to meet. Now? Work is worth it. I think I'm going to enjoy coming in when I have people like them to work with.

I'm curious, though... Is this part of the spell I did during my initiation back in September? See... I was being initiated into Wicca as a Nemophyte - a Witch in training, by my bestest friend Tahnee who had long known about Wicca and Paganism. Well, the spell I did to go along with it, was to find other Wiccans to help me grow in the ways of the craft, and learn more.

That could explain why I had moved to where I live now, and work at the place where I do, because maybe it was in my path, or part of the spell, to come across these two. I thought that having to move away from my friends was a curse, but maybe this is the reason why? Maybe these new people are here to teach me more. But only time will tell. We shall see. So I will stop talking about work again for now, since I am content for the night.

After I post some on the X-Men RP, I shall return with a few more things to babble on about. Right now, I just feel like I could dance on the wind  :-D

current mood: jubilant
current music: Closer - Nine Inch Nails

Work and Dream Stuff

I'm actually ready to go back to work today. After all, it's a Tuesday, and I'm hoping I won't be TOO busy. I said that if there was a night when I wouldn't be making too many pizzas, and my feet wouldn't hurt, then I wanted to give the place a good scrub down. It needs to be cleaned, badly. Previous workers didn't take care of it too well, and it shows. And from the looks of things, I'll still be off tomorrow, and the next few days won't be so bad, either. It's that many-day-in-a-row thing that I don't look forward too...

I had an interesting dream last night. It involved this odd cartoon that I had watched a little while before going to bed (I don't know what it was called), and some video games. I also dreamed about a quiz that I had taken a few days ago. Both things were mixed, and the video game was about the odd cartoon.

I tried playing it, but had no idea how it was supposed to work. It involved some joysticks, virtual reality hookups (headgear, gloves), and may other attachments, in which I couldn't even recognize. And then this stranger, some guy around my age or so, had come in and started playing it, showing me how it was done. When the game was all over, that is when I recognized the characters on the game as from being on the cartoon. I hadn't noticed before. Since the game was over, and we didn't have much to do, we started talking, getting to know one another.

Then the bad part came. He lit up a cigarette. I could smell it thickly, too. It probably came into my dream after having trying to hold back the choking at work, when my boss was talking to me, and her trails of smoke from her cigarette kept getting right in my face. If you don't know this already, I do NOT like cigarettes. I'm a singer, why would I?

Then in my dream, our families knocked on the door, and said we were all going to go out and eat. They had been getting to know each other, and that's why we were stuck in the room playing video games together. So we all went off to dinner, and then I quit dreaming.

I'm glad that my mom woke me up early, though, so I could spend an hour or so online. And this way, it gave me time to change my attitude about work before going in today. So now, I'm off to read posts the the X-Men board that I play on, and to reply if it doesn't freeze up my computer with all of those pop-up ads, since this computer is soooooo ooooooold. That, and I'm going to read my friends' journal entries. I try to read all of them, because it's a good way to see how their lives are going, and what they have been up to, even if I don't get to talk to them most of the time. *smiles*

Current Mood: calm
Current Music: When I Come Around - Green Day

Song Dissection, Come What May

A song to dissect...

Ok, ok... I couldn't resist... I had to post the lyrics about Come What May, and talk about them... but I still will not admit to being obsessed with the movie. I am not obsessed with Moulin Rogue... I'm not. And that's that. Simply put. Hrmph!

What? You don't believe me? I never get obsessed with ANYTHING. I swears upon the precious. What's that? You think I'm lying? Would I lie to you? Don't answer that... Okay, OKAY! I'm obsessed with Moulin Rouge. THERE. I SAID it! Sheesh... ;-)

Anyway... What I plan to do is put the lyrics in bold, and write my dissection of the song in regular print. I know, I know. It's bad to dissect a song because everyone sees and feels things differently, but I wanted to pick one and talk about how or what I think or hope about it. It's actually a good way to reflect on things. So... here goes.

Never knew I could feel like this...
Like I've never seen the sky before.
When a person falls in love... Their whole world seems to change. The world seems much brighter... The sky looks more blue than it ever could have. You take notice in such beautiful, wonderful things. And when one feels that way, it's like - you never thought it could have been possible.

Want to vanish inside your kiss...
Everyday I love you more and more.
When you are with the one you love, and are truly in love with them, your whole world could just melt away, as long as you had them. And sometimes you almost wish it would. All you want to do is live and breathe them, and escape from everything and everyone else.

Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing?
Telling me to give you everything.
One's heart... *shakes head with a smile* One's heart is good at having one do strange things for love. Doing things they wouldn't have bothered with before. They take down boundaries they have spent a lot of their lives putting up. They change themselves just for that person. They would gladly give up everything just for that person, and that person's love.

Seasons may change, winter to spring...
But I love you until the end of time.
Changes may happen. Even the world all around will take it's tosses and turns. But no matter what changes take place, the love will always remain.

Come what may... Come what may,
I will love you until my dying day.
No matter what happens... No matter the changes... No matter what crises, happy moments, or downright deathly days come around, come what may, two people who really love one another could make it though anything. They could last though everything. All, until they can't love anymore. When they die. That's something I long for the most. Just to have someone all to myself to love madly, and have them love only me just as much, forever and always.

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place.
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace.
When in love, nothing else in the world that is going wrong could possibly matter as much as the risk of losing your love. But since you are in love, why care about it's petty problems? Not when you have the only thing that matters in your life right next to you. But... Since you see nothing wrong with it, it now appears to be more beautiful than you could have ever imagined. You take in the more beautiful things of life with a better recognization. Romeo and Juliet no longer is a story about tragedy, but one of great romance.

Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste.
It all revolves around you.
Without someone to lighten up your day, one can feel downright useless... So hopeless... Like they have nothing to live for. That all they did in their life amounts to nothing without someone to share it with. That one special person you love is that key.

And there's no mountain to high, no river too wide.
Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side.
Again, no matter what the obstacles... Just remember that come what may, you two are there for one another. Your love can get you through it.

Storm clouds may gather and stars may collide...
But I love you until the end of time.
Storms may brew, giving you nothing but lightning strikes of problems everywhere you turn... Stars may collide, and the end of the world might come near. But no matter what, as long as you die in that person's arms... As long as you two are together... That can be all that matters. You could die happily with them, or even more sadly... for them.

Come what may... Come what may,
I will love you until my dying day.
Again, no matter what. How wonderful that must be... The rest is just repeated lyrics, no doubt to proclaim that they have that love, and insist that no matter what, they will love one another, even saying it one more time to announce it to the world.

Oh come what may... Come what may
I will love you...
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Come what may... Come what may,
I will love you until my dying day!

*sighs* Maybe I'll be one of the lucky few to get such a thing someday. One only knows I understand it well enough. But yet, love is blindness. I could even be so blind to it not to even see it's there. Sadly, I always seem to be on the outside. I just wish there was someone to come along, take me by the hand, smack some sense into me, and just let me know directly. Maybe it's been there all along and I just can't see it? Maybe it just needs to hit me like a ton of bricks for me to realize it... But maybe people are like me, and don't want to push anything into coming to be. Maybe they just want someone to tell them directly, as well... Maybe I should stop waiting, and be the one pursuing instead...

Regretfully, I feel I will never be touched like that. Maybe I just feel too deeply about love. Or maybe I just want it so much that it thinks I can wait and won't lose interest in it before it gets to me, but by then, I'll be old and haggard. I would rather die of a tragic heartache than wait that long.

If there is one thing that drives me to the point of losing any sanity I have left, it is love. It can be so cruel as to turn it's back on you, taunting you with people you can't have, but fall deeply for. And then again, it can be the blood of life, being what you thrive on, and could live the rest of your life upon.

Maybe that's how it is. We do live our life on love, and whomever has the richest blood is more successful in love, and maybe those who are ill of it don't have as much love in their life. Anyway... I'll quit rambling now, and post this. That was my song dissection #1.

current mood: melancholy
current music: Come What May - Moulin Rouge Sountrack